Posts Tagged ‘Thoughts’

Wasting precious time

Well, which is it, half full or empty?


This  judgment wastes precious time, time spent without a chance for wellbeing.


Better to have the mind empty than filled with useless judgments.

Actually it is 4 ounces in an 8 ounce glass, if you want to be accurate. Neither half full or empty.   Add an ounce and do we say 60/40?  Who cares?


Waste it on life’s half full or empty judgments and lose.


We have to be able to let these easy judgments go or the emotionally charged ones will run our life.


Try letting go of as many judgments as possible today.


Make more room for being in the space where happy lives.

Pain Paradox: My take

“Nothings needs to be forced to stop, or change, or go away.”

How true!

Chronic pain is a different animal than acute pain. It is a constant companion originating from the same area.

I describe it as broken. My spinal cord is constantly sending signals of danger to my brain. Like a short in the electrical system.

I gained my relief from two practices, Mindfulness and aerobic exercise close to exhaustion.

Both of these tools move right into the center of chronic pain.

You can not be afraid of your pain or it will own you.

Avoiding everything that may cause pain is a recipe for suffering.

Mindfulness takes my breath and focus into the center of my pain region. The trick is to observe, relax and accept, not judge.

Being a former professional athlete, aerobic exercise in the face of pain had familiarity.

I would hike away from my house, up hills until the pain was intense, then with my music turned up and breath focused, I would walk another 20 minutes.


Within three weeks my chronic pain began to compress, lose power and even subside when I was intently focused on something.

If you get to the point where chronic pain fluctuates in intensity, you know you can impact its control.


Intense aerobic exercise secretes endorphins, powerful natural opioids.

I named my pain Mr. “P”, so I could battle an entity while exercising.


Pain is like the air, invisible but powerful. Hard to see another’s pain.

Mindfulness allowed me to accept my pain and then give it no energy, no thought, no judgment.


Our thoughts and judgments will decide if we suffer.


I have chronic pain, I do not suffer.

Amelia Earhart: the process is its own reward.”



“The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward.”

– Amelia Earhart
My two cents: From a distance, it seems she lived her life full-out.

“The process is its own reward”: Life is a journey, taking action is the goal, it is the reward, results are fleeting.


The goal is to limit our attachments to possessions, titles, power, and trophies.


Some Buddhists give up all worldly possessions and their attachments to them.


Maybe we could try to bring more perspective to our attachments.

Thoughts: Let’s be Prepared!

Of the 60,000 thoughts that cross our consciousness daily, nearly all are unknown to anyone but us. Without our attention and then sharing with others these thoughts do not exist.

These thoughts have the power to haunt us, to power depression, anxiety, PTSD and other disorders.

Lost in thought our fears can grow to monstrous levels inside our brains.
Thoughts can stop us from taking action, from living fully or sentence us to a lifetime of suffering.

Thoughts are just air, transparent and harmless without attention, the power we bestow upon them.


Meditation/Mindfulness is a focus practice that allows us to let the 60,000 thoughts pass on through unnoticed.


A seasoned meditator trains his/her mind to stay in the present moment, observing without judgment what our senses perceive.


It takes the wisdom to know nothing more exists at this moment, as mundane as most moments of life currently unfold.


My recommendation is to have a plan when negativity arrives from these bombardments of endless thought.


Have a list of countermeasures:

An affirmation, “In this moment, right now, I accept all of me. Insert this sentence in place of any negative thought. Thoughts need time in our consciousness to influence our behavior.  The longer we spend lost in thought the more powerful they become.


Refuse to entertain any of these thoughts.

A gratitude list to say out loud. I am grateful for my health, my opportunity to heal, the air we breathe, nature, sustenance, friends, my ability to give and have compassion, etc.


A giving list of those we help. Review the ways you help others in need, the way you volunteer and bring kindness to those you meet. The small gifts of a smile and kind words.


Action list we undertake to keep busy. Could be aerobic exercise, gardening, or a daily chore. My kitchen has been under repair for a week. No water with three little kids has been a pain in the ass.

My thought was the gratitude I have for running water, that I took for granted until now. A negative can be a positive when looked at through giving and gratitude.


Life is not easy, let your actions determine who you are, not your thoughts. Be prepared.

Codenpendency: How to give up control and stop Rescuing Everyone



“Dr Nicholas Jenner”

“Codependency is a lot about control and controlling others. I have documented various methods frequently on this blog and how they manifest themselves into the typical dysfunctional behaviour associated with codependency.

Codependents need control to feel secure and are loath to give this power away.


One of the more common forms of control employed by codependents is the “art” of rescuing. Many helpful, caring people, especially those that identify as codependent, impulsively rescue others from their self-imposed predicaments.


They stay far too long in dysfunctional helping and giving relationships even when their resources or relationships are strained, or they enable others’ addiction, incompetence, or irresponsibility and they do this for a very specific reason.


Codependent rescuing means that the codependent retains power and control over the codependent object. They assume that people around them need help and step in even if it is clear they don’t.


Every time this happens, it plays into the “drama triangle” of rescuer, persecutor and victim mentalities that drive codependent


Often when help is pushed onto another person when they don’t really want it, it gives the codependent the chance to become the victim whether the help is accepted or not.


Codependents meet their needs dysfunctionally by adopting the victim role in any situation hoping to attract sympathy and validation from those around them.


Anger, blaming and passive aggression can ensue, leading to the next cycle.


By rescuing, codependents place themselves in a superior role to their victim.


They are saying “You need me and you are helpless without me”.


This leads inevitably to feelings of resentment on both sides.


The key is to avoid “one-up or one-down” behaviours. The following is a list of suggestions to help with this.




1. Be conscious and avoid giving advice unless asked for. Don’t interrupt and listen effectively to avoid assumptions.

2. Don’t help your partner or anyone else without them asking you to do so. You can do this by openly asking “What can I do?”.

3. Offer support rather than advice. “I can help but maybe you need to see what you can do first”

4. Learn to say “No” and set boundaries around your own behaviour and that of those who are willing to let you rescue them.

5. Don’t assume that you need to do 100% of the work to solve any issue. Talk with your partner and promote equality. “I will do this, what are you prepared to do?”

6. Share any feelings of resentment that are building openly and honestly.

7. Recognise when your partner (or anyone) is inviting rescuing behaviour by playing the victim, feigning illness, etc. Counter with firm boundaries.

8. Learn to ask for your needs to be met in a healthy way.

9. Avoid power moves like avoiding responsibility, escalation, shouting, playing the martyr or reminding your partner of everything you have done for them.

10. Avoid “one-down” victim behaviour that manipulates feelings and behaviour from others.

Avoiding power and control games is one of the key issues of codependent recovery.


Many find it difficult to release themselves as the behaviour is so engrained in their personality and thinking.


However, once this is done, codependents can look forward to a life free of the “drama triangle” that has been so devastating to them in their lives”.




People who enjoy the most wellbeing _______ ?

People who enjoy the most wellbeing let the constant flow of thoughts pass on through, unattended.

Some have done this with no meditation practice, just an innate knowing life is most vibrant right now, empty of thought.


We travel to exotic places at the ends of the earth on vacation to see the sights, not think about them.


We could stay at home and think about the places in outer space we can not reach.


For the majority of us, a daily meditation practice, is the tool we use to release thought and stay focused on now.


Twenty focused minutes a day can bring change.


We have to work, take daily action to train our mind.


Depends if you desire thought to rule your mind or you would rather captain this ship.

Fear part two: our perception


The mechanism of fear (fight or flight mechanism) contains no fear inside itself. It is just our defense mechanism, preparing us for a perceived lethal threat.


PTSD has temporary access to the switch activating our adrenal stress response (fight or flight). Real danger is never present when my childhood PTSD activates now.


Think about that! No real danger can exist when my abuser is dead. He can not hurt me now.


The fear created comes from the storyline I add.


With my focused breath, I can dissipate the Tunnel Vision, the Auditory Exclusion, the Loss of fine motor skills, the Tai-chi-Psyche, and the increased heart rate, blood pressure and respiration.

What is left?


Our trauma thoughts and emotions standing by themselves.

So much easier to live with and heal when our fight or flight mechanism does not scare us.


Our defense mechanism is there to help save our life, not make it a living hell.


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