Posts Tagged ‘Thoughts’

Defining ourselves!!



Do you define yourself by your losses or weakness?

Subconsciously, I certainly did for most of my life. Perfection was demanded! An impossible request.

My healing path, redefined myself as what I overcame. That felt good.

As I developed, deepened, defining myself faded, I was just present, more and more.

One day while hiking, nature and my breath (my being) merged.

I kind of floated up that hill.

On reflection, my happiest moments were void of thought, engulfed by my surroundings, vivid, sort of timeless.

On reflection, I am present, free of thought much more during the day.

Life has improved, calm, kind feelings surround me now.

I approve of Marty, all of him, finally.

You can find your path also.



Meditation: Dying into the nondual; “Beyond Mindfulness” by Stephan Bodian



Shift your attention from your thoughts to your bodily sensations.

Be aware of the sensations of your body against the chair, your feet against the floor, your hands against your thighs. Be aware of the sensations of your arms and legs, your chest and belly, your neck and head.

Be aware of the play of sensations, how they’re constantly shifting and changing and how your awareness dances from sensation to sensation.

If you look closely, you may come to realize that all you can really know of your body is the sensations you’re experiencing right now.

Everything else is your projection, the image your mind uses to fill in the gaps.

For example, you don’t experience your whole arm, you just have certain sensations in the vicinity of where you presume you arm to be, and you project the image of an arm upon it.

It’s like an impressionist painting. There are thousands of points of color onto which we project a water lily, or a woman, or a building.

In the same way, you project the concept leg or head onto a collection of sensations.

Let go of these projections, these concepts, and just be with the sensations as they are, without interpretation.

Notice that surrounding these sensations is open space where no sensation exists at all.

In fact, there’s far more space than there is sensation, and the sensations are playing or dancing in this space.

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The Mind works best ______



The body can go supersonic, the mind works best going slow, being focused, empty of thought.

Multitasking goes beyond being fast, out there where awareness has faded.

Try slowing the body and mind at the same time.

Sit quietly, feeling gravities pull on the bottom of your feet and on your butt.

Ground yourself, gently.

Use your breath to slow the nervous system, calm respiration, blood pressure and heart rate.

Sense the minute body sensations while exploring our inner world.

Feel the body sensations caused by thoughts and emotions.

Breathe into those areas, slowly, focused and curious, observing without judgment.

Get to know your inner world, become familiar with the manifestations of thought and emotion.

They are connected and our friend, nothing to be feared, if we are familiar with them.

It is the path less traveled.



The Chains of Judgment (Thought)



My fathers narcissistic mind believed criticism was the way to build the best baseball player. He envisioned a professional baseball player (son) would bring him notoriety and status.

How could I not have a critical judgment about myself, my unworthiness. Like other abused kids, we believed we were damaged at our core. I believed I was not worthy to live during my darkest PTSD days.

Now, all those judgments have been let go, I may be flawed but unworthy has left the building.

My “Ego” felt unworthy, damaged, shamed from its earliest memory. My only touch as a child was pain and violence.

All that has changed, healing uncovered my worthiness.

We all are perfect as our true self, our bodies and “Ego” are flawed. We all age, whither and die.

I have found we all share this journey together, not in competition.

I believe abused kids grow up to repeat their abuse or be the opposite of their abuser.

We are not happy go lucky, feeling things will work out, they did not work out in our childhood.

I am the opposite of my father by choice.

Life is a journey, I now enjoy my days.



My Mindfulness Group is not what I envisioned but what I needed



My mindfulness group meets inside the county mental health building. NAMI (National Alliance of Mental Illness) office is located on the second floor.

Walking through the lobby every Thursday reminds me of the gratitude I need to carry around. I walk through real suffering, homeless elderly women, a lobby full of people in crisis.

My mindfulness group does not draw those looking for happiness, awakening or enlightenment.

Many have depression, PTSD, bi polar disorder, anxiety, etc. and are searching for help. They are taking action, it is rare.

I try to change the judgments they have made about themselves.

Having our challenges does not mean we did something wrong or we caused them.

We are not the center of this earth, life is not against us, pain does not have an emotion, it is not angry either.

There is no fear in our defense mechanism (fight or flight mechanism), it is a physiological mechanism.

We add the fear with our thoughts.

Our worries can overwhelm us or we can let them pass, and be joyful in this moment.

I have financial worries, health worries and worries about my grandkids, but these worries do not steal my present moment of experiencing my grandkids and life.

We have to clear a space without our unworthy thoughts and judgments.

That inner space, void of bias and judgments, is available if we can focus our mind in a specific way.

I know how lucky I am when I walk through that lobby.

This wisdom allows me to release my worry and appreciate all that I have.

Not possessions, but the skills and tools to have a chance at happiness. Healing has given my the skill to help other improve their lives.

Running the mindfulness group has benefitted me more than those I try to help.

Giving is a true boomerang if done without regard for reward.

We share this journey with others, not in competition.

Those awards, possessions and titles are worthless when we leave this planet.

If you want to carry something into the afterlife look at the lives of Mother Theresa, Mandela or Lincoln to see what is valuable. (Givers all)




How do we change identification with the dream character?



Awareness always starts our path to change.

My dream character was always anchored in my childhood abuse, soaked in criticism, filled with unworthiness, a fragile self image.

My coping mechanism was over achievement, another reaction to the conditioned love from childhood.

Somehow, acheiving things, inflated my worthiness for short bursts of an otherwise shameful dream of my existence.

Looking back this dream was a daily companion, life brought suffering in this created world.

Looking back, I see how past thoughts, judgments about who I was, dominated my life.

How could anyone find happiness in that hollow, unworthy self image.

I created all of that mirage.

Now, I am dissecting parts of my old dream, trading that diatribe in for being in this moment.

I have found, that living in the current moment without judgment offers many opportunities of living fully, even feeling happy at times.

Meditation, focus on the breath, has been the vehicle that helped me release my dream character.

I need not be impacted by my past, need not carry that weight any farther.

It is difficult to be open, to surrender to what we fear, what we have created through our judgments.

Start chipping away at that old self image you been carrying around like a ball and chain.

Please share your thoughts on your journey?



Meditation/Mindfulness is hard for a novice to understand, the words seem hollow, uneventful



Much of the terminology of meditation/mindfulness makes no sense to a novice. Reading words like be in the moment, no thought stage, remain just words.

No thought seems boring, a useless blank canvas.

I have worked with some who believe their ability to think intelligently defines them. We think what we do or what we have accomplished is who we are.

Being present, in the moment seems a small uneventful situation.

When we meditate, our focus transfers from our left, cognitive hemisphere to our creative, no thought hemisphere.

The left hemisphere has no words, sentences, judgments, right or wrong, god or bad, past or future, none!!!!!!!!!!

Our mind is at its best, most brilliant, most capable, when we are focused and in a no thought stage (Right hemisphere).

Like being in nature, all alone miles from the nearest metropolis, we feel nature through our senses without thought.

We do not introduce ourselves to a bear we encounter, Hi, I am Marty.

Our Ego is worthless out here, the bear could give a shit what my name is, or who I think I am.

When thought subsides with focus and practice, we experience our inner guide, our inner world and our potential happiness.

How will you ever know the true you, surely not by thinking?

How will you ever be truly happy?

Remember happiness has gratitude and giving at its core.

It also has Worry, doubt, fear, jealousy, resentment, anger in perspective.

Happiness only exists in the now.



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