Posts Tagged ‘Thought’

Can you take a step back, can you observe the thinker, the “Angry” you!!!!!

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Can you focus when you become angry?

 

Can you take a step back and observe the one who is angry?

 

You will observe our creation, our “Ego”, feeling unworthy or mistreated.

 

Who craves approval?   Same answer “Ego”.

 


The one who needs to think is different from the one who observes.


When I focus intently, letting thought go, an impartial observer, a faithful guide appears for me.

 

This observer does not judge or use any words.

 


He/She uses intuition and gut feelings.

 


He/She does not judge or think, but exists in focused awareness of our environment.

 

 

Some call this our soul, or spirit, or intuitive guide, or expansive right hemisphere.

 

 

Introduce yourself, this observer is our only conduit to happiness!

 


That thinker will not lead you to happiness.
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My “Ego” is UPSET WITH YOU !!!!!!!

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This is part of the journey, exploring our inner world. We sit quietly, focusing on the breath, letting thoughts fade.

 

 

The “Ego” fades as our cognitive hemisphere (left side) quiets, then we enter our creative (egoless) right hemisphere.

 

 

We can observe our “Ego” from a distance, see it’s desire for approval, feel its anxiety dealing with criticism from another “Ego”.

 

 


After a while we can separate our “Ego” while we are cognitively engaged. We observe the one who thinks and judges.

 


The other day someone criticized a comment I made online about trauma. How dare them, this voice shouted from inside.

 

 

My “Ego” was insulted, angry, pissed as hell, fuming.

 

 


I took a few breaths and let go.

 


Observing from a distance, I discovered my “Ego” felt wounded and wanted revenge.

 

 

A choice had arrived. Do I follow my “Ego” and attack or do I go below the “Ego” and observe.

 

 


I smiled then laughed out loud, my “Ego” was more an appendage, like an arm or leg, not a vital organ.

 

 

Who cares if my “Ego” is pissed, not me.

 

 


I was not angry but amused, clear-headed and relaxed.

 

 


I had become familiar with my “Ego’s” patterns, desires and needs.

 

 

This male “Ego” was highly competitive, prone to action when criticized. He acted like an adolescent boy when perturbed.

 

 

Know your “Ego’s” desires, ambitions, weaknesses, and manipulative ways
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Please stay on the Trail: Thoughts have enormous power

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The trail most seasoned meditators take,   refrains from swimming in the dangerous water (thoughts).

 

Bring awareness to the pattern of your thoughts.

 

Left unattended, thoughts collect emotions, empowering both with energy and duration.

 

How many hours do you spend lost in thought patterns?

 

Inside our default mode, some of those 60,000 daily thoughts are repetitive, unhealthy and self-centered.

 

 

Our meditation/mindfulness practice, our goal is to do the opposite.

 

 

We want as little thought and “Ego” as possible during the day.

 

 

We want to direct our thoughts when needed, acting as a gatekeeper to cut off any rumination.

 

Thought is where the war of PTSD, depression, anxiety and many other disorders are fought.

 

Pay attention to the patterns of your mind.

 

 

I found that during the morning shower my mind would scan the activity planned for the day.

 

 

Do we look forward to the day, look for ways to navigate the land mines, or do we see doom and gloom.

 

 

This is a choice, the way we perceive life, opportunity or doom and gloom.

 

 

Only entertain positive thoughts, let the unworthy, negative ones fade.

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The Rollercoaster ride of PTSD! My crazy Path! Part 2!

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This trigger felt much worse than it actually turned out. I perceived danger, confusion, fear and anxiety. My Trauma thoughts always  catastrophizethe the event. What if this happens continually, I will suffer for the rest of my life!

 

 

Trauma is a huge bluff!!! BLUFF, BLUFF, BLUFF, BLUFF.

 

Besides our fight or flight mechanism firing, bp, heart rate and respiration rising along with loss of fine motor skills, nothing happens. My fight or flight mechanism is dormant when a trigger fires now. This is what we consider fear, the feeling of being afraid is linked to this mechanism. It prepares us for a lethal threat.

 

PTSD has stolen the code, the switch which initiates a trigger, spreading anxiety and fear, flooding our system with cortisol. It is memories of past danger that is the culprit. I know I am safe when a trigger erupts now. More important my body knows it from my exploration of my inner world.

 

That is one of the goals of a meditation practice.

 

When we dissociate, get lost in trauma thought, the default mode kicks in. We become focused on “I”, me, mine, their unworthiness, suffering and helplessness. Trauma is fueled continually in this default mode.

 

Playing defense helps me tremendously. I do not ruminate or grasp these thoughts. They are left alone to fade from consciousness. It is like a tug of war. Grab that rope even with one hand and the rest of your body is a prisoner.

 

My answer to this trigger was first to ignore the intrusive, negative, unworthy thoughts. Next I focus on my breath, my model, and brought approval and inner peace to the anxious feelings in my solar plexus.

 

Next, I meditated in half hour sets in the morning and night, bringing security and inner peace to my inner world. That soothed me and allowed me to use exposure therapy. I went back to similar spots where I was triggered.

 

This calmed the catastrophizing thoughts.

 

Now, a day later I am much better. Focused and more centered. It is not the end of the war but I won this battle.

 

You can also. Build your tools while things are calm.
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There was no sense of a self owning them.”

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“As I noticed feelings and thoughts appear and disappear,

 

 

it became increasingly clear that

 

 

they were just coming and going on their own. . . .

 

 

There was no sense of a self owning them.”

 

– Tara Brach
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Incredibly there are 60,000 thoughts that enter our consciousness everyday, about one a second.

 

Common sense tell us that during this last minute (60 seconds), we did not grasp 60 thoughts.

 

Why do we choose negative ones more often?

 

The “Ego” chooses thought, while our true self chooses to be empty in this present moment.

 

 

Being lost in thought constantly, fuels depression, anxiety, PTSD and suffering.
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We need to release the thinker at times!!!!!!!

 

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When triggered, depressed, anxious, angry, stressed or fearful, we must limit its duration! These emotional sates can consume life, every waking moment.

 

The longer we grasp them, the stronger the neural pathway that forms.

 

We have many tools. First we need to let go of the storyline attached to these negative emotions.

 

If we have practiced meditating, we are able to focus on the breath, allowing these emotions to fade from our consciousness. Our breathing is the easiest and quickest way we can calm down.

 

 

I used gratitude to replace negative emotion. I gave thanks for small things, a hot shower, friends, my health, my practice, my tools for healing, etc. I found my gratitude dwarfed that emotion.

 

 

Distraction or entering a task can bring many benefits. I go hike in nature, strenuously. What my eyes see, my nose smells and skin feels is witnessed without judgment. This brings me achievement and exhilaration to body and mind.

 

 

Every time a negative storyline arrives with negative emotion, insert your affirmation. In this moment, right now, I accept all of me. I am perfect as my true self, seeing unlimited opportunity available, today.

 

Prepare a meal or do the laundry. Enter the task, be the knife slicing the vegetables. Slow down, let thought clear, just be in the moment.

 

 

Give and give some more. Giving, maybe just a smile and kind greeting. Care about someone beyond your own ego. Feel their pain, their need! Offer some small comfort.
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Why is change almost impossible for most!!!!!

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From my experience, my research reading and asking those that cross my path, seems 10% take action and try! This is a generous number in my opinion.

 

This is just those who try, not necessarily heal. How many people search out the second therapy after the first fails? How many never give up?

 

We are talking about suffering, familiar suffering accepted without even trying to live free and unencumbered.

 

This mindset is foreign to me. My childhood was filled with unworthiness, my father demanded I be an overachiever, be twice as good as anyone else.

 

All I know is how to endure and exert effort, how the need to overachieve can make me closer to being worthy.

 

I have no clue why it is so difficult to take action, to risk.

 

This is a blind spot for me. I am an expert at suffering, negative self talk and extreme unworthiness, but it comes easy to expend all out effort. I earned this mindset enduring my childhood abuse.

 

Learning to be sensitive and respectful to those who are stuck has been a work in progress.

 

Even the smallest action is resisted. That first step brings massive responsibility.

 

That first step eliminates the victim hiding inside and brings out the real us.

 

Yes, we are vulnerable, exposed, this is the frightening path to healing.

 

Please share any insight in ways we can motivate others to take action.
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