Posts Tagged ‘Thought’

We do not want to suffer!



We do not want to suffer. For much of life this desire steers us away from danger.

If we have a mental disorder, (PTSD, depression, etc) avoiding brings more suffering.

I started out avoiding a few things to control my fight or flight firing. The adrenal stress response is preparing us for a lethal threat.

This state is filled with fear, anxiety and unrest.

It scares us because we seem to have no influence over it.

Mine fired when it wanted, my effort did nothing to stop it.

This behavior made things much worse. At bottom I spent six months in my dark garage, agoraphobic.

My fight or flight still fired ten plus times a day.

Escaping my mind was impossible.

My nervous system was upside down. Cortisol and adrenaline were at extreme levels, a day felt like a week.

Healing came when I faced my triggers, sitting still, focused on my breath.

I learned to sit quietly in the midst of my suffering.

My fight or flight mechanism became a friend not the enemy.

I learned to feel all the emotions fully, then release them.

The volume decreases as we face them, integrate them.

I discovered my fight or flight could fire on its own, but my breath could calm the upset, dissipating the cortisol and adrenaline.

How do you react to a trigger firing?




Sam Rowley’s “Station Squabble” has been picked from more than 48,000 images to claim a wildlife photography award from London’s Natural History Museum, voted for by the public.



My purpose for starting this blog was to fill in the areas that were missing in my healing journey.


There were many things that I learned from research and daily action that therapists never mentioned.


Hell, no therapist challenged me or gave me homework. I brought the books and questions to them.


From my exhaustive research and actions to heal, important things were kept while things that did not work were jettisoned.


From all this, a healing model emerged with a breathing track as focus.


There were no phrases like post traumatic growth or books like “Buddhas Brain” detailing the new discoveries of neuroscience. Meditations impact on healing trauma, created two new therapies, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Dialectic Behavioral Therapy.


I had developed skills while surviving childhood abuse, determined willpower, ability to endure pain and isolation that other kids had little exposure to.


PTSD is confusing and healing feels like triggers erupting at times. A mentor can point the correct direction, triggers are opportunities to heal.


Never heard a therapist say that, but it is the easiest path to healing. Stay present, focused on the breath while your fight or flight erupts allows healing to begin.


I had found a way out of a deep, terrifying hole of complex PTSD. I suffered with my fight or flight exploding 15 times a day, hiding in my dark garage.


PTSD was horrible and death would have been the easy way out.


A big lesson, we never give in, never give up, we die in the end anyway. I had determined not to die a victim but a person trying to get better.


Results were out of my control, but my effort each day would be total.


That gave my life purpose when nothing else helped.


After healing, improving or whatever word you choose, I had enormous amounts of time available. My dissociating had curtailed, my Worry had faded and an almost euphoric feeling from not suffering, not being terrified brought a smile.


Well that has faded and life is still a challenged.


One of my most valuable possessions, supporting others, sharing their healing journey, is priceless to me, permanent.


This blog was built to support those trying to improve, taking daily action, then needing their questions answered.


What is your Purpose?



Baseball now: where the best cheaters win

Astros won’t give back World Series trophy but scandal will taint title forever



The other day someone accused me of having a problem with fairness.

My problem, as a former athlete, I wanted to beat the best at their best, fairly. Anything less is unfulfilling I thought.

But today cheating, taking steroids or using high powered cameras to steal signals has helped two World Series champs win their tittles.

Why would I want to participate or watch a rigged event.

Baseball has lost its soul, destroyed a record book that detailed a century of the game.

Steroids doubled the home run output for a decade and a half, destroying the fairly earned records of past stars.

I mean do you look in the mirror and say I am proud of what, “Cheating”.

Nothing extraordinary about cheating, nothing to celebrate for me.

The integrity of baseball has taken a huge hit from these cheaters.

The credibility of the game is on the line, well some of its credibility has been lost.

Like in the steroid situation, the players union defend the cheaters while ignoring its honest union members.

If I know what pitch is coming, my ability to hit increases exponentially.

Big responsibility here to the game, to fans, to being a role model. That’s a joke.



Secrets to help you Meditate



When meditating, I exert no influence.

Whatever comes up is observed from a distance.

Anxious Thoughts, judgments, worry and doubt, body sensations, the breath, and our interior world are observed.

Observation takes no action, exerts no pressure on anything, passively leads us to acceptance.

Any strong emotions or judgments fade away without our participation.

Words become powerless, judgments obsolete and resistance useless.

Learning to detach from the “Egos” grasp frees us to heal and improve..

Accepting all of us is not easy, does not happen without daily practice.

We do not try to escape. We are detectives, we are on an undercover stake out of our inner world, our mind.

Next comes Surrender, we picture our heart as a butterfly net and then catch our fears gently with a child’s curiosity.

We are not doing anything to our fears, surrender exerts no pressure, no influence.

Thoughts, judgments and emotions fade quickly with practice.

We learn how to train our mind to stay present, empty of negative thought and emotion.

It was scary as hell at first, I perceived my triggers had power to harm me.

That was an erroneous conclusion.

I was afraid of my own fight or flight mechanism firing, an unfounded fear at best.

PTSD is a bluff, nothing happens after cortisol and adrenaline dissipate, returning us to a normal calm.

You have to practice to reap these benefits.


The mind is far more powerful focused, empty of thought, than when it is thinking.



The mind is far more powerful focused, empty of thought, than when it is thinking.

Ask an enlightened monk, where does the power of mind reside, in thinking or in emptiness?

With severe childhood PTSD my minds thinking brought unbelievable suffering.

Sitting quietly, focused on my breath and internal body sensations, my mind repaired itself.

The thinking side of the mind is wonderful when I direct my thoughts with a purpose.

Letting the mind wander, collects negative thoughts like a magnet attracts metal objects.

Focused, we can choose what thoughts we entertain or let them fade away.

Optimum function lets all thoughts fade in favor of just being here, present and aware.

Seems boring and mundane because it is not an intellectual property.

The words mean nothing, the action of doing contains the magical fairy dust.

We can change the way our mind handles thoughts and emotions.

If life is great then ignore this, if not you need to try something different.



So what does get in our way?

Pixabay: Efraimstochter / 5127 images



From the book “The Unbelievable Happiness of What Is”

What prevents us from seeing what is as it is, right now?

What prevents us from being happy in this moment?

Among the biggest impediments on the spiritual path are our unexamined beliefs about life, about truth, and about ourselves.

To be truly available for transformation, we must release ourselves from those limiting beliefs.

We don’t necessarily have to get rid of our beliefs; beliefs have their functions.

Rather, we learn to let go of our beliefs, which is also to let go of our identity.

When I say identity, I mean it quite literally.

Continue reading

What to do when a crisis hits

Pixabay: Lumamannen



I have learned not to run, not to isolate, not to dissociate and not to panic.

The best action is to sit quietly in the middle of the mess.

Do not try to escape the uncomfortable, awkward or terrifying thoughts.

Let the narrative fade. Do not try to distract, judge, or change the narrative, just observe.

Observe and become familiar with all the body sensations.

It is difficult to observe, to do nothing, to not try to influence the narrative.

My nervous system was assaulted at such an early age and with such intensity, total incapacitation grips me.

It does not have to be anything dangerous or scary.

My triggers were so mundane, I knew there was no danger but my nervous system erupted violently.

The mind does not function the same when a perceived lethal threat is spotted.

Common sense and rational thinking stop in this state.

Cognitive function can not reach trauma except to make it worse with more thought.

The only solution is to sit in the middle of the mess until it fades, then we come back to the present moment, observing what the eyes see, the nose smells, the ears hear.

Simple, not easy.



%d bloggers like this: