Posts Tagged ‘Self’

A Healing journey has ________.

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A Healing journey has setbacks, presumed loss and days of confusion.

 

I judged myself harshly as failing, when a setback arrived. My erroneous judgment and subsequent search for why, powered PTSD.

 

Trying to make sense of, trying to find the rational reason to an irrational disorder (behavior) deepened my suffering.

 

I ended up agoraphobic following this ill-fated cognitive endeavor.

 

Healing needs no understanding of the irrational trauma feelings to heal.

 

Relief came when I learned to not think or cognitively engage trauma.

 

When I learned to let go, to live in the present moment, PTSD lost power.

 

I learned not to waste time and energy wondering why.

 

Why me, why can’t I solve this disorder, why does this not make rational sense, disappeared from my consciousness.

 

Leave guilt and judgment alone.

 

Surround yourself with kindness to overpower these negative thoughts and emotions.
We can be happy with this next breath.


Happiness does not happen in the future, so quit planning and start living.


Look for happiness today. It surrounds all of us.
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Fear part two: our perception

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The mechanism of fear (fight or flight mechanism) contains no fear inside itself. It is just our defense mechanism, preparing us for a perceived lethal threat.

 

PTSD has temporary access to the switch activating our adrenal stress response (fight or flight). Real danger is never present when my childhood PTSD activates now.

 

Think about that! No real danger can exist when my abuser is dead. He can not hurt me now.

 

The fear created comes from the storyline I add.

 

With my focused breath, I can dissipate the Tunnel Vision, the Auditory Exclusion, the Loss of fine motor skills, the Tai-chi-Psyche, and the increased heart rate, blood pressure and respiration.

What is left?

 

Our trauma thoughts and emotions standing by themselves.

So much easier to live with and heal when our fight or flight mechanism does not scare us.

 

Our defense mechanism is there to help save our life, not make it a living hell.
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My “Ego” is UPSET WITH YOU !!!!!!!

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This is part of the journey, exploring our inner world. We sit quietly, focusing on the breath, letting thoughts fade.

 

 

The “Ego” fades as our cognitive hemisphere (left side) quiets, then we enter our creative (egoless) right hemisphere.

 

 

We can observe our “Ego” from a distance, see it’s desire for approval, feel its anxiety dealing with criticism from another “Ego”.

 

 


After a while we can separate our “Ego” while we are cognitively engaged. We observe the one who thinks and judges.

 


The other day someone criticized a comment I made online about trauma. How dare them, this voice shouted from inside.

 

 

My “Ego” was insulted, angry, pissed as hell, fuming.

 

 


I took a few breaths and let go.

 


Observing from a distance, I discovered my “Ego” felt wounded and wanted revenge.

 

 

A choice had arrived. Do I follow my “Ego” and attack or do I go below the “Ego” and observe.

 

 


I smiled then laughed out loud, my “Ego” was more an appendage, like an arm or leg, not a vital organ.

 

 

Who cares if my “Ego” is pissed, not me.

 

 


I was not angry but amused, clear-headed and relaxed.

 

 


I had become familiar with my “Ego’s” patterns, desires and needs.

 

 

This male “Ego” was highly competitive, prone to action when criticized. He acted like an adolescent boy when perturbed.

 

 

Know your “Ego’s” desires, ambitions, weaknesses, and manipulative ways
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Sunday quote

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Three Marks of Existence:

 

Suffering.
Impermanence.
No-self.

 

 

“Street” version by Jon Kabat-

 

Shit happens.
Everything changes.

It’s not about you, anyway.
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The Moment Before

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“Well,” said Pooh,

 

“what I like best,”

 

and then he had to stop and think.

 

Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do,

 

there was a moment just before you began to eat it

 
which was better than when you were,

 

 

but he didn’t know what it was called.

 

~A.A. Milne
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My two cents: Even a simple mind can exhibit clarity and awareness of his/her inner world.

 

 

Studies have demonstrated that the most enjoyable part of a vacation can be the planning and anticipation of the trip.

 

 


Satisfaction rarely lives up to our emotional desires.

 

 


Satisfaction never quenches the ever-present desire for more.

 

 

 

Pooh realizes that the anticipation carries the most weight, not the fulfillment.
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Why is change so difficult???????????

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Where does all the resistance come from? Why do we isolate, avoid unpleasant situations and people. Why do we chase and covet pleasant situations, people who approve of us, accomplishment, power, status and security?

 

Seems a decent strategy to avoid pain and soak up accomplishment in the short-term. Counterintuitive, knowing this strategy leads to suffering.

 

We have practiced habits, patterns of behavior, some subconscious in origin. We have created an “Ego” to mirror our habitual patterns. Our identity is wrapped around this “Ego”. Be it a banker, athlete, monk, priest, accountant, home maker, actor, philanthropist, etc.

 

 

Inside this cocoon, we judge ourself, find a place where we believe we fit, belong. When we enter a room, our “Ego” scans the occupants and decides if we are superior or inferior, then ranks our status.

 

 

Yes, this is superficial and kind of crazy. First, the “Ego” is a mirage, we are not what we think or judge. Second those occupations are what we do, not who we are.

 

 

Our mind is the issue, also the solution.

 

 

Fear of the unknown and this “Ego” are the main culprits keeping us from changing. We would rather suffer a known situation than risk changing, even when there is a possibility of success.

 

 

The “Ego” covets complete control. Healing means the “Ego” loses more and more control. In reality the “Ego” does not know what is good or bad for us. The “Ego” only, desires complete control.

 

 

Remember he/she generates 60,000 thoughts daily to influence where we place our attention.

 

 

You will definitely encounter your own “Ego” if you take this healing journey. He/She is not evil, he/she is only a follower not our captain.

 

 

Training the mind to empty and focus takes power from the “Ego”.
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Self is an Illusion part three, 3

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Turning off default mode

 

Normal consciousness relies, at least in part, on the brain’s Default Mode Network (DMN), according to neuroscientist Robin Carhart-Harris, head of psychedelic research in the brain sciences division of the Imperial College of London medical school.

 

 

The DMN is a network of interacting brain regions that acts as a cognitive transit hub, integrating and assimilating information. As the name implies, it’s the usual system of organization for your mind. Carhart-Harris says the DMN “gives coherence to cognition” by connecting different regions of the brain, and is considered the “orchestrator of the self.”

 

 

Carhart-Harris and his colleagues found what seems to be an important function of the DMN inadvertently.

 

 

While studying brain networks, they got curious about what changes might occur when people are under the effects of hallucinogens.

 

 

In studies analyzing the effects of psilocybin on brain wave oscillation and blood flow, they found that when the DMN was inactive, an alternate network of consciousness seemed to arise.

 

 

When some study subjects tested psilocybin, they reported a strong sense of interconnectedness, as well as spiritual, magical, and supernatural feelings.

 

 

 

In the alternate mode, brains produced a different world that offered other sensations and realizations than in everyday life. In this mode, the self wasn’t the protagonist of the narrative.

 

 

Meanwhile, scans of blood flow and brain wave oscillations showed new, unusual—but orderly and synchronous—connections forming between cortical regions, as if the brain was reorganizing its network.

 

 

This led Carhart-Harris to posit that the DMN generates the feeling we each have that we’re individuals, a feeling that manifests very strongly as reality.

 

 

 

And that means we can temporarily switch off, or mute, this part of the brain.

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