Posts Tagged ‘PTSD’

A metaphor for Consciousness

Pixabay: johnhain

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The Transparency of Things by Rupert Spira:

Imagine a room filled with people conversing. In this metaphor the space of the room is this conscious, witnessing Presence that we call ‘I’.

The people are thoughts and images, bodily sensations and world perceptions.

There are all sorts of people in the room: large, small, kind, unkind, intelligent, unintelligent, loud, quiet, friendly, unfriendly… a complex diversity of characters, moving, changing, interacting, appearing and disappearing, each doing their own thing.

What does the behaviour of these people matter to the space of the room?

Does the space have anything to gain or lose by trying to change any of the people?

Is the space itself changed when one of the people changes?

The space is independent of the people, although the people are dependent on the space.

The space is present before the people arrive, it is present during their stay and it is present when they depart.

In fact, it is present before the building was constructed and it will be present after it is demolished.

It is always present.

The same is true of Consciousness.

Whatever is being experienced in this moment is taking place within Consciousness, and Consciousness itself remains as it is at all times, unmodified, unchanged, unconcerned.

Consciousness is what we are, and to be as we are is the highest form of meditation.

All other meditations are simply a modulation of this meditation of abidance as we are.

To begin with, meditation may seem to be something that we do, but later we discover that it is simply what we are.

It is the natural condition of all beings.

Enquiring Minds want to know: Lack and Public Speaking

Pixabay: johnhain

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Remember, happiness as the absence of a sense of lack.

Definitely I feel a big sense of lack with public speaking. I am jealous of those who can opine publicly.

We all have lack, depends on the severity, I guess.

I could obsess over my lack of skill in many arenas.

How important is a skill like public speaking?

Exploring my lack, a realization hit me.

My perceived lack was based on thought, judgment and emotion.

My lack could grow or dissipate with my input.

Interesting! Exploring further, my investment of time and attention, wasted so much time on the negative.

This lack was big in the past but has shrunk to an inconvenience in the present.

In my last post, Vic in a response, shared he enjoys public speaking but feels incompetent in my more personal conversations.

For Vic, being adept at public speaking did not lead to happiness. For me, being incompetent at public speaking caused me years of doubt and worry.

We all have our areas of incompetence and awkwardness.

As usual, it comes down to how we think about our areas of incompetence.

The one skill that transcends this, the ability to focus and let go.

The ability to direct our attention away from judgment and emotion to our Aware Presence, can lead to calm, peace and happiness.

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Why do we avoid risk? For me it is Fear!

Pixabay: mohamed_hassan

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Life holds many confusing pieces for me. Thrust into the spotlight at an early , life was more than overwhelming.

In sports my father (coach) corrected (criticized) every play, every at bat, the rest of the world recognized my talent. I was shy, introverted, physically and emotionally abused.

This fear manifested strongest in public speaking. I could play in front of 30,000 but found it impossible to talk to more than a couple at a time.

Public speaking was my greatest fear, being embarrassed in public seemed worse that death. Somehow that could harm me more than death.

Was this fear of my “Ego” being executed, destroyed?

In the midst of this mess, I now run a mindfulness group open to the public. Somehow, I can compartmentalized this situation as safe or something.

Facing my fears has not been easy, but public speaking still remains the greatest fear. My fight or flight mechanism would fire under these circumstances.

Hard to speak when adrenaline and cortisol have flooded your nervous system. Panic impacts the voice and further escalates the terror.

When I built my focus and learned to integrate my childhood trauma, I went searching for all my trigger situations except one.

Public Speaking!

To this day, the thought of being thrust in front of a crowd terrifies me.

Should I feel weak or feel great loss?

Well for me, happiness does not need to have a thrilling public speaker under my belt.

Happiness is not a skill fortunately.

Would being a dynamic public speaker bring happiness for me?

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A crazy time in my life where lacking was absent

Pixabay: geralt

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My journey meditating and improving has revealed counterintuitive truths.

Surrendering is the ultimate power for instance.

Three years ago, Guillian Beret paralyzed me from the neck down.

In ICU, being in a life and death situation, somehow I accepted my situation. My daughter just had a baby who had a chest infection, so I was on my own.

Having just relocated months before, I had no support system.

You would think I would feel enormous lack, fear and anxiety.

We say Why me?

I had blogged for a couple years championing the power of a meditating practice.

Why not me?

Somehow I accepted the challenge and decided I would smile and greet everyone with kindness.

Refusing to feel sorry for myself, to worry or doubt became my mantra.

Testing my willpower and meditation practice against this disease was the challenge.

Looking back, my scariest time was the first day home alone. What I had just experienced, overwhelmed me when the journey ended.

My focus and acceptance had never been more acute.

Now, I try to repeat this acceptance with mundane life.

When have you entered a task with total acceptance?

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Criticism been very very bad for me

Pixabay: pixel2013

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I bristle at criticism, always have. Something deep inside, something from childhood, awakens when I am criticized.

Past scenarios where someone has criticized me, are stored with more emotion and unrest.

It has taken considerable work to soften those memories.

I understand the origins of my childhood abuse and it’s impact on my self image and personality.

Fortunately, it was not a life sentence.

I am much happier now, have a greater feeling of freedom and peace of mind.

Life is not easy at times, but who said it was supposed to be.

Learning to accept the times that are anxious, sad and awkward, instead of trying to escape them has been a process.

At times criticism dies a quick death, other times we wrestle for a while.

Sitting quietly, focusing intently on the breath, I observe my emotions, anxiety and fear without judgment.

No effort to escape or avoid was taken.

Running, avoiding, powers our fears, gives them that unknown quality, a confusing terror.

Make friends with your nervous system and inner critic. Observe.

How do you handle criticism?

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It is not the separate self that seeks peace and happiness.

Pixabay: Bessi

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It is not the separate self that seeks peace and happiness.

The separate self is an object–a thought or a feeling–and an object cannot do anything, let alone seek happiness.

Rather, the search for peace and happiness is itself the experience of peace and happiness, modulated through the sense of separation.

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My two cents: Our Separate Self (Ego), a thought or feeling, is a mirage.

Our treasure map of thought leads only to frustration and suffering.

Experience your senses, observe them not narrate or judge them!

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Peace may be thought of as an absence of a sense of agitation or resistance, and happiness as the absence of a sense of lack.

Pixabay: PaliGraficas

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Presence: the Art of Peace and happiness

“Peace and happiness are not states of the body or mind.

All states of the body and mind, however pleasant, appear and disappear in Awareness.

Peace may be thought of as an absence of a sense of agitation or resistance, and happiness as the absence of a sense of lack.

This absence of the sense of agitation, resistance and lack is our natural condition. It is inherent in our true nature of aware Presence.

The arising of the sense of resistance and lack eclipses the peace and happiness that are naturally present within us, and it is responsible for the contraction of our self into an apparently separate entity.

This imaginary entity is defined by its rejection of the now, the rejection of the current situation, and its subsequent search for peace and happiness in the future.

In fact, the separate self is not an entity.

It is an activity of avoiding and seeking.

This sense of resistance and lack is the essential ingredient of the imaginary inside self.

In resistance we are pulled towards a past; in the sense of lack we seek something other than the current situation, and this propels us towards a future.

Resistance and seeking are the two essential forms of the separate self and are responsible for the avoidance of the now.

In order to avoid the now, we have to imagine the ‘not now’, which is time.

Thus, the separate, inside self is the mother of time.”

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