Posts Tagged ‘PTSD’

Updated: self talk,,,, ,, subtle and automatic

 

 

 

 


A flavor of the metropolis of Eugene, Oregon with Brighton riding his little balance bike.

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Edward Bourne: self-talk;
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“It is so automatic and subtle you don’t notice it or the effect it has on your moods and feelings.
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It appears in telegraphic form- one short word or image (”Oh no!) contains a whole series of thoughts, memories, or associations.”
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How do we change this?
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Affirmations combined with a mindfulness practice.
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Yes, self image, self worth and how we talk internally are connected, interdependent on each other.
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I strive with all out effort to accept all of me, the good, the mundane, the flawed and the exceptional in this current moment.
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Record, repeat, say out loud each morning, noon and night.
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Affirmations, mindfulness practice (actual sitting) and application during the day complete our healing model.
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Lining up our healing practice!

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Let us train the brain, the mind to let go of all the negative, all the judgment, all the resentment, all the anger, all the unworthiness, all the helpless, hopeless thought and emotion.

 

We need to line up our healing, have all of our oars rowing in the right direction, then at the right cadence of our being.

 

First our self image needs affirmations repeated out-loud. This addresses the unworthiness we harbor.

 

Second, we initiate a daily focus practice (Meditation) along with constant application of staying present.

 

Third, Physical exercise, preferably aerobic to exhaustion for flushing the toxins, strengthening the mind and body, and mental and physical accomplishment.

 

Work on observing strong emotions, judgments or comparisons from a distance. Observe means a neutral, a distant look, like watching a rerun of a past eposode of your life.

 

A reun is over, already happened, impossible to change or influence. A complete waste of time and energy. Remember happiness only exists in the present moment, all other pursuit robs us.

 

Relax, smile, challenges are part of life, accept them and exert maximum effort with a positive attitude.

 

Results are not our concern!!!!!!

 

No matter what happens, our goal is to give maximum effort with the most positive attitude we can muster.

 

Then smile and enjoy the journey.
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In Touch: How to tune in to the inner guidance of your body and trust yourself

 

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Recognizing and living in accord with our inner knowing does not guarantee an easy life or objectively successful outcomes.

 

It does not ward off accidents (as we saw in Kelly’s case), illness, or death.

 

It does allow us to deal with these events with more inner space, grace, and creativity.

 

Discovering and following the sense of inner knowing does not make us omniscient, rich, powerful, or famous, nor does it make us the master of the universe.

 

If anything, it turns us into a humble servant of something that is unimaginably greater than our separate self.

 

It does not put us in control of our life; it invites us to surrender what apparent control we have and to let go into a greater wisdom and a deeper love that is concerned with the whole of life.
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Update from 2011: check out the Responses: How Crazy Does Healing Get?

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When mindfulness practice helps to heal some of the trauma,  emotions are heightened during this process.  In my case, I expected that after practing I would be engulfed by Peace and calm.

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The opposite was true.

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All hell broke loose.   

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Terror, Panic,  Fear exploded.

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Was I really healing or was I going in the wrong direction?

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It felt like I was hurting myself and going deeper into Complex PTSD’s dark world.

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This was more than confusing.

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This felt like a huge amount of triggers firing.

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It felt like the end of a fourth-of-July fireworks extravaganza.

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Thank goodness I had a therapist to share that this was the way things heal and that I was going in the correct direction.

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How would all this integration shake out in the end? 

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What would I look and feel like when I was healed?

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Updated: A visual, maybe it will speak to you….

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Looking back on my healing journey, an image pops up, me with a shovel digging, digging and digging a little everyday, shoveling the crap, my childhood abuse, and my judgment about that abuse.
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The hole left from my daily excavations, became the platform for launching my mindfulness journey, traveling to the other side of my mind.
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Surprisingly, I found peace, calm, perfect self image, a total absence of judgment, words or dialogue, a parallel universe of joyful awareness.
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Trauma faded in there, the ego took flight and what was left, an expansive, brilliant space.
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Life came alive without doubt, worry, guilt and unworthiness, it was the space created from letting go of all that shit, built up over a 60 year span, that brought the chance for happiness to my doorstep.
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Nothing happened fast for me, nothing spectacular transpired, my meditation was not blessed with brilliant, vivd light shows like others around me, and that was fine with my jock mentality.
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I had learned early to accept challenges, develop a plan, take action, and then compete with every ounce of energy, this habit had saved me time again.
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Jocks, especially jocks without great talent, who still compete with greater skilled athletes, have a discipline, a time where things change, the cognitive, the doubt, the need to think about things fade, it is game time for an overachiever.
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Competition at a professional level is as present an endeavor as I have ever experienced, that and a triple rollover in a car on an interstate.
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All is up for grabs in this moment, a large crowd has paid to witness this current sporting event, a winner will be crowned, he who blinks and lets thought enter his performance loses.
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As I look back on my baseball career, it becomes evident that the skills developed competing, are the gems for me now, not wins, losses, hits or thrills.
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Assess your skills, then use your strengths for healing, adapt therapy to your strengths.
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Good healing, never give up, never give in, there is plenty of healing in that space, right there, a willpower that crushes thought.
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“A winner is just a loser who tried one more time.” . ~ George M. Moore, Jr. ~


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I am not a loser or a winner, I am much freer, much deeper, much more present.
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Winning or losing has nothing to do with real happiness, more temporary exhilaration or agony of defeat as they say.
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Competing has its own rewards and benefits without judgments.
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The mindful way knows that the discipline, the exerting beyond tired, holds the gift, not prizes about the result.
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Living fully in this moment, is the reward of our practice, where real lasting happiness flourishes.
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Enjoy the wins, fell the sting of a loss, then let go, be at peace with the effort and discipline of this challenge.
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Life is a journey always changing.
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“A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are for.” ― John A. Shedd

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I catch myself avoiding some things, things that could be uncomfortable, awkward or even scary.
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Taking risks, accepting change or stepping out of our comfort zone feels dangerous.
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My inner dialogue reminds me, risking or not risking does not change the hour, minute or second we die.
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When my PTSD was at its apex, going out to some events felt very dangerous, a place where triggers could erupt.
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Avoiding, not risking, led to six months of agoraphobia and suffering.
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These were irrationalional, trauma driven judgments that I knew cognitively were false.
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In reality, not risking has many negative consequences.
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Every new endeavor we try has an element of not working, loss, failure or success.
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In a way, we need to be able to tolerate awkward, uncomfortable or scary to live fully.
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Without strenuous challenges, how we will ever know what we are capable of.
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Maybe we are most alive when we challenge our irrational fears, or maybe our rational fears!
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Facing a fear, an awkward situation when we could choose to avoid, brings a great deal of satisfaction.
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Remember back to a challenging time when you endured.
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Feel how alive, aware, energetic your space became.
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Maybe we should take safe risks everyday!

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