Posts Tagged ‘MINDFULNESS’

Dissolve your problems: “Breath to Breath”



If you’ve sat with the breath for even a few minutes, you’ve seen that this practice is an open invitation for everything inside you to come up.


You see your wild mind, which we all have, and which can be quite overwhelming at first. 


It has been there all along, of course, but this concentration has brought it into relief.


The ultimate goal—though this is no easy thing and takes time to develop—is to allow everything to come up, with all its energy: 


all of, for instance, your anger and loneliness and despair, to allow these things to arise and be transformed by the light of awareness. 


There is tremendous energy in these states, and much of the time we suppress them, so that we not only lose all the energy that is in them but also expend a great deal keeping them down. 


What we gradually learn is to let these things come up and be transformed, to release their energy. 


You don’t solve your problems in this practice, it is sometimes said, you dissolve them. 


But the wild mind that we all confront when we start discourages many practitioners. 



Updated: Visualize your “Ego” as a ventriloquist Dummy


Think of how our mind is constructed. One of the most complex organs ever found, capable of tremendous achievement or extreme suffering.


One of the parts we invent has no origin or real existence. Yes, it is the “Ego”. Search every part of your mind and an ego can not be found.


Yes, we invent this “Ego” for identity, I, me, mine! Identity is its purpose. Nothing more.


Think of your “Ego” as a ventriloquist dummy. We give that damn puppet power and life, not command of our being.


That dummy runs a good part of our life unfortunately.


The Dummy is the one who feels resentment, judges constantly, and feels unworthy. The “Ego” is never equal to another “Ego”. He/She judges itself superior or inferior to all “Ego’s” it encounters.


Here in lies the rub, we never feel complete when the “Ego” is in control.


That means happiness is impossible.


One day I was having a conversation with a friend and he said something upsetting. My response to him was, my “Ego” is pissed at you.


Finally I had isolated my “Ego’s” needs and emotion in a real encounter. I could see “I” disagreed with my “Ego”. I had a choice for the first time.


Just because my “Ego” was pissed meant nothing unless I agreed.


Our “Ego” covets total control. This leads to suffering and loss.


Is your dummy controlling your life?


The “Ego” is dormant during meditation, also the time when our happy emotions, contained in the left prefrontal cortex light up.

I started a kindness practice

My visual dates back to the original Star Trek, specifically how they were transported, beamed to and from planets.

That sparkly stuff (astral energy) surrounding them, I envision as kindness.


When I meditate, I surround myself with a blanket of kindness.

Compliments, approval, praise and acceptance join kindness in this soothing space.

Being completely kind to ourselves allows us to lead with kindness towards others.

My focus looks for ways to be kind, gentle with myself and others.

If I find myself ruminating, that is lost in thought, my attention switches to kindness.


I am actively choosing where to place my attention.


What fires together wires together.


Where we withdraw attention whithers, where we place our attention gains power.


This should be interesting, self soothing is not a familiar action for me.





Can the mind steady with Practice?



Know that with practice there comes a time when the mind steadies,




and concentration becomes undivided.






My two cents:  Meditation/Mindfulness is an accumulative practice.


The more you practice, the better your focus and benefits becomes.


It takes daily action for a period of time to see the mind steady, relax and focus.



Choosing our Purpose

Life seems easier when we have a purpose, a direction.

I lost sight of my purpose when PTSD exploded. Purpose was replaced with survival, a desire to withstand my suffering.

To have a chance at happiness (wellbeing), doubt, worry, fear, anxiety, depression, etc. can not dominant our existence.


Next our purpose decides direction. If our purpose is to be wealthy and powerful, happiness may not be attainable.


Acceptance, giving and gratitude seem to be in the midst of wellbeing.


How could Mother Teresa’s life been that rewarding?


It looks like total sacrifice for the throw aways of society.

She lacks the pleasures we Americans think make us happy. She surrounds herself with lepers in need. Looks like back-breaking service without financial reward or power.


How could a life surrounded by disease, suffering and death been so rewarding.


If I were to guess, I would say she is happier than me or you.

Motives: explore below the surface



I found ulterior motives behind certain desires and behaviors. Nothing sinister or evil, but damaging at times and a total waste of life.

An example: This blog

I started and continue this blog to support others and give back. This seems very noble.

Under the surface, I found my “Ego” wanting relevance, approval and some sort of fame. I yearned secretly for thousands of hits, complimentary responses and iconic status.

Both of these scenarios are part of me, each taking center stage as my day progresses. If I am focused and centered, giving without the need for reward is captain of my ship.

If I am feeling low, adulation sure feels like happiness. Amazing how compliments or praise can make my spirit soar for a brief moment.

What a mirage! That feeling collapses into more need and unwanted feelings, quickly.

That person needing approval is very vulnerable, insecure and not happy.

That person who chases approval never finds enough to make a difference. We search externally to fill our internal condition.

My blog has taught me lessons about myself. Yes sometimes, it is not pretty looking into the reality of our inner world.

The only way to change our inner dialogue is exploration.

Explore your inner world. Look below the surface and find the rest of your motives.

Awareness is always the first step of any journey.

Surrender: a great tool for healing, wellbeing (Happiness)

Healing was incremental for me, each plateau reached through concerted action over months. Nothing came easy or quick.

Complex PTSD from a childhood does not heal miraculously, quickly or easily. The mind was not fully developed when trauma entered its world. Hard to tell what is normal and what is the aftermath of abuse.

Aerobic exercise, therapy, reading, meditating, practicing acceptance, applying mindfulness and persistence each brought benefits for me. Sometimes all hope seemed lost but something inside refused to give up.

This trait is very important. Lots of setbacks, even perceived losses on this journey. That inner guide can be our savior in our low moments.

Meditating and mindfulness carved out a small secure space for me to survive. This space grew incrementally as I healed.

It was like climbing a ladder, each successive rung revealed more of the horizon, more of the path.

Acceptance was difficult, releasing the shame and guilt reached a sticking point. My fear, worry and confusion kept me paralyzed for months.

I still had resistance, actually I was terrified, enforced with cortisol by my fight or flight mechanism exploding. The drugs are real, the storyline is the mirage.

Being vulnerable, that is surrendering completely in the face of my trauma, broke the traffic jam. It was scary not to resist, to be so vulnerable, so defenseless.

With arms outstretched, totally open, I pictured my heart as a butterfly net.

I had found the next step, being vulnerable, surrendering to my fears.


This exposed my fears so I could observe them.

Try surrendering the next time you meditate.

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