Posts Tagged ‘MEDITATION’

I started a kindness practice

My visual dates back to the original Star Trek, specifically how they were transported, beamed to and from planets.

That sparkly stuff (astral energy) surrounding them, I envision as kindness.


When I meditate, I surround myself with a blanket of kindness.

Compliments, approval, praise and acceptance join kindness in this soothing space.

Being completely kind to ourselves allows us to lead with kindness towards others.

My focus looks for ways to be kind, gentle with myself and others.

If I find myself ruminating, that is lost in thought, my attention switches to kindness.


I am actively choosing where to place my attention.


What fires together wires together.


Where we withdraw attention whithers, where we place our attention gains power.


This should be interesting, self soothing is not a familiar action for me.





Choosing our Purpose

Life seems easier when we have a purpose, a direction.

I lost sight of my purpose when PTSD exploded. Purpose was replaced with survival, a desire to withstand my suffering.

To have a chance at happiness (wellbeing), doubt, worry, fear, anxiety, depression, etc. can not dominant our existence.


Next our purpose decides direction. If our purpose is to be wealthy and powerful, happiness may not be attainable.


Acceptance, giving and gratitude seem to be in the midst of wellbeing.


How could Mother Teresa’s life been that rewarding?


It looks like total sacrifice for the throw aways of society.

She lacks the pleasures we Americans think make us happy. She surrounds herself with lepers in need. Looks like back-breaking service without financial reward or power.


How could a life surrounded by disease, suffering and death been so rewarding.


If I were to guess, I would say she is happier than me or you.

Motives: explore below the surface



I found ulterior motives behind certain desires and behaviors. Nothing sinister or evil, but damaging at times and a total waste of life.

An example: This blog

I started and continue this blog to support others and give back. This seems very noble.

Under the surface, I found my “Ego” wanting relevance, approval and some sort of fame. I yearned secretly for thousands of hits, complimentary responses and iconic status.

Both of these scenarios are part of me, each taking center stage as my day progresses. If I am focused and centered, giving without the need for reward is captain of my ship.

If I am feeling low, adulation sure feels like happiness. Amazing how compliments or praise can make my spirit soar for a brief moment.

What a mirage! That feeling collapses into more need and unwanted feelings, quickly.

That person needing approval is very vulnerable, insecure and not happy.

That person who chases approval never finds enough to make a difference. We search externally to fill our internal condition.

My blog has taught me lessons about myself. Yes sometimes, it is not pretty looking into the reality of our inner world.

The only way to change our inner dialogue is exploration.

Explore your inner world. Look below the surface and find the rest of your motives.

Awareness is always the first step of any journey.

Surrender: a great tool for healing, wellbeing (Happiness)

Healing was incremental for me, each plateau reached through concerted action over months. Nothing came easy or quick.

Complex PTSD from a childhood does not heal miraculously, quickly or easily. The mind was not fully developed when trauma entered its world. Hard to tell what is normal and what is the aftermath of abuse.

Aerobic exercise, therapy, reading, meditating, practicing acceptance, applying mindfulness and persistence each brought benefits for me. Sometimes all hope seemed lost but something inside refused to give up.

This trait is very important. Lots of setbacks, even perceived losses on this journey. That inner guide can be our savior in our low moments.

Meditating and mindfulness carved out a small secure space for me to survive. This space grew incrementally as I healed.

It was like climbing a ladder, each successive rung revealed more of the horizon, more of the path.

Acceptance was difficult, releasing the shame and guilt reached a sticking point. My fear, worry and confusion kept me paralyzed for months.

I still had resistance, actually I was terrified, enforced with cortisol by my fight or flight mechanism exploding. The drugs are real, the storyline is the mirage.

Being vulnerable, that is surrendering completely in the face of my trauma, broke the traffic jam. It was scary not to resist, to be so vulnerable, so defenseless.

With arms outstretched, totally open, I pictured my heart as a butterfly net.

I had found the next step, being vulnerable, surrendering to my fears.


This exposed my fears so I could observe them.

Try surrendering the next time you meditate.

Another look at Worry

Worry seems to have its own engine, a way of entering our consciousness without an invitation. It seems to be one of the function of our mind, everyone has worried, some incessantly.

When we worry the mind is engaged cognitively in the past and future, it’s speed increases. Awareness of reality, of this present moment, disappears when the mind speeds up.

Fear enters our consciousness with the possible consequences of our worry. Mental confusion makes it difficult to move, to take action, to let go of this created problem (Worry).


Worry seems to be a battle between the what if’s in life and living freely.  Worry in a way is a prediction of future doom created inside our doubts and fears.


So for me, my first task when confronting worry, is to slow my mind. I slow my breath, try to slow my heart and focus intently below the thoughts and emotions.


I know when my mind is racing, trouble is coming.

We always have our practice to slow us down and bring us back to now.

Worry does not exist with a mind that is present, empty and focused on the senses.


Worry will still visit but the stay will be shorter.

“Breath by Breath” The Liberating practice of insight meditation: Mindfulness



Mindfulness is unbiased. It is not for or against anything, just like a mirror, which does not judge what it reflects. 


Mindfulness has no goal other than the seeing itself. 


It doesn’t try to add to what’s happening or subtract from it, to improve it in any way. 


It isn’t detached, like a person standing on a hill far away from an experience, observing it with binoculars. 


It is a form of participation—you are fully living out your life, but you are awake in the midst of it—and it is not limited to the meditation hall. 


It can be used on a simple process like the breathing, or on highly charged and unpleasant emotions like fear or loneliness. 


It can also follow us into the ordinary life situations that make up our day. 


Eventually, it becomes more a way of living than a technique. 


One word that I personally have come to associate with mindful living is intimacy. 




“Meditation for the Love of it” : Sally Kempton (Swami Durganada)

When I was first meditating, and feeling like a complete victim of my vagrant and uncontrollable thoughts, this teaching offered me the first hint that there might be a path through the thicket of my 


I had been looking at thoughts as the enemy—especially the negative thoughts, the angry thoughts, and the irreverent, ungodly thoughts.

But something radical happened when I remembered to look at thoughts and feelings—the difficult, negative, greedy ones, as well as the peaceful, loving, and smart ones—simply as constructions of the same subtle, invisible, highly dynamic “stuff.”


For the first time in my life, I could let go of my fascination with the content of a thought.


My neighbor’s five-year-old eats Froot Loops for breakfast, but he will only eat the red Froot Loops and won’t touch the green. He doesn’t yet see that the red ones and the green ones are both made of the same sugary stuff.


In just the same way, we get so bamboozled by the stories our thoughts are telling us—by the content of them—that we neglect to look at what is actually inside a thought.

I often do an exercise with students. I ask them to imagine a chair, and then “look” at the image of the chair that has formed in their mind.


Then I ask them what the chair is made of. Many people will answer “wood” or “metal.”

It takes a moment for them to recognize that the chair in their mind has no substantiality at all, but that it is made of energy, energy that their mind has shaped into a particular pattern

Once you can see that the chair you have formed in the mind is made of the stuff of your own mind-energy, then you can also dissolve that image back into the mind, just as you can dissolve the distracting fantasy or even the emotionally painful memory.


It’s also possible to let the thought-forming energy in the mind relax back into its underlying substance, to deconstruct itself, to become naturally loose and free.

To be able to recognize this is literally to be liberated from the tyranny of thoughts.

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