Posts Tagged ‘Judgment’

Aware Presence part one, 1,



From “The Art of Peace and Happiness”

For a mind that has become accustomed for so many years to knowing only objects–that is, to focusing its attention and interests on the body, mind and world alone–it is inevitable that the desire to know oneself as some kind of a subtle object will persist.

We will search for this aware Presence and try to make it an object of our knowledge or experience.

However, if we return again and again to the experiential understanding that our self is the knower or witness of all objects, it becomes clear that it cannot itself be an object.

It is our simple experience that our self is present and aware but has no objective qualities.

As this experiential understanding deepens, so the attempt to search for our self as an object decreases correspondingly.

But the inability to know our self as an object does not mean that our self cannot be known.

It simply means that it cannot be known in the way that an object is usually known, that is, through the subject–object relationship.

Our true self is known in a more intimate and direct way, simply through being.

In fact, we discover that the only way to know our self is to be our self and not to mistake our self for any kind of an object.




My two cents: The author details that this “Aware Presence” is not contained in the mind or body.

It is the observer of the mind and body.

It is not limited by the mind or body.

It has unlimited ability. 😎



A world class Meditator faces capture and torture



Matthew Ricard from the book “Happiness”

After the Chinese invasion of Tibet in 1959, Tenzin Choedrak, the personal physician of the Dalai Lama, was first sent to a forced labor camp in northeastern Tibet along with some one hundred others.

Five prisoners, himself among them, survived.

He was transferred from camp to camp for nearly twenty years and often thought that he would die of hunger or of the abuse inflicted on him.

A psychiatrist who specializes in post-traumatic stress and who treated Doctor Choedrak was astonished that he showed not the least sign of post-traumatic stress syndrome.

He was not bitter, felt no resentment, displayed serene kindness, and had none of the usual psychological problems, such as anxiety, nightmares, and so on.

Choedrak acknowledged that he occasionally felt hatred for his torturers, but that he always returned to the practice of meditation on inner peace and compassion.

That was what sustained his desire to go on living and ultimately saved him.




My two cents: This meditator did not get PTSD, did not become hyper vigilant, or contemplate suicide.

We do not know what thoughts (demons) any man faces but these world class meditators live life fully.

Suicide is extremely rare or non existent for these world class meditators.

In my mind, a focused meditator will not commit suicide unless there is a severe disorder or a traumatic brain injury.

“He occasionally felt hatred for his torturers, but that he always returned to the practice of meditation on inner peace and compassion.”

We let those hateful, harmful, suicide thoughts pass on through.



Suicide prevention month finds two prominent depression and suicide prevention leaders committing suicide!



Jarrid Wilson, a Southern California megachurch pastor and mental health advocate, died by suicide Monday.

“Wilson, 30, was associate pastor at Harvest Christian Fellowship in Riverside, under Pastor Greg Laurie. He co-founded Anthem of Hope, a mental health nonprofit helping people dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts. He is survived by his wife, Julianne, and two sons, Finch and Denham.”






“The executive director of counseling and psychological services at the University of Pennsylvania died by suicide Monday morning in Philadelphia, officials said.

Gregory Eells became the head of the department at UPENN in March.”




My two cents: WOW! I am perplexed on many levels, extreme sadness is one emotion.

How does religion handle a suicide like this? Usually your condemned, a mortal sin in the Catholic Church. This pastor lived an exemplary life of giving and service.

On a personal level, they had a role similar to mine. The pastor mentored others with depression and mental illness, like this blog and my mindfulness group.

This is conflicting for me, I have compassion for their struggles but my father would win if I committed suicide.

All those that follow me or have been helped by me would be impacted negatively.

If you are the leader and committ suicide, have you considered those your leaving behind?

In the confusing throws of negative thought and unhealthy emotions reality slips away.

One thought dominates after a while, we never know what another is experiencing or thinking.

I have been touched by suicide in my mindfulness group. It is devastating for the survivors.

I wonder if one of the Dalai Lamas has ever committed suicide?

Next post will be on Dalai Lamas physician who was captured by the Chinese and tortured. An Amazing story.

Please share your thoughts.



the Thinker has patterns

Pixabay: makeitclear



The Buddhists call it non-dualism, the “Ego” is created, like a ventriloquists dummy.

In today’s vernacular our Facebook page carries only the things we want others to see. It is the persona we present as I, me, mine.

That persona wants to keep up appearances to the outside world.

Our feelings and emotions become connected with performance and behavior that gets approval.

We can get lost chasing this lochness monster.

Can you tolerate looking below the surface, observing how the “Ego” feels and makes decisions.

Ever wonder why all that effort never brings the satisfaction you desire?

Can you tolerate not being important?

Can you tolerate not controlling, or being right or most powerful?

Can you just be in the present moment without a construct (”Ego”).

Do we need to compete with other “Egos” or can we exist in harmony, sharing this journey.

What are your patterns?

What will you do for approval?

Does that satisfaction last or quench your desire?



Sheila Catherine: subtle motivations behind your speech today


Pixabay: vinsky200


Notice the subtle motivations behind your speech today. When is the primary communication merely your own existence?

Sometimes what is said is not very important; what we are really saying is, “notice me, I’m here, I’m special, I am like this, I am.”

It can be useful to grow sensitive to the tendency to seek respect, appreciation, confirmation, praise, or recognition.

You don’t need to squelch these desires should they arise, but notice how they contribute to the development of self-formations.

Are you in a phase in your life when self-formations are valuable, or are you ready to deconstruct these processes?

You can also observe your internal dialog, ruminations, and daydreams.

“Make a note of moments when the thought “I am” forms. How much of your thinking is recreating and reinforcing the story of being you?

What would the experience of your life be like without the burden of incessant becoming?”

Drumming up the Past can bring anxiety and more

pixabay: 3D_Maennchen



A phone interview launched me on a journey into my past. An author was writing a book on Miami Orioles baseball.

He asked me how I started playing baseball. Even at this age, 67, I wondered how my family would retaliate.

That little boy still carries childhood fear.

I was surprised. Drumming up my baseball career, brought back the loss.

My PTSD, not fully activated yet, forced me to quit playing. I feel ashamed sharing that. Quitting is vile in my world.

I felt more loss the last couple of days than the day I walked away.

My PTSD destroyed my life when I was young.

PTSD stole my dream!

I maybe healed but a big void will never be filled.

Two of my teammates have committed suicide. One a Cy Young award winner and Orioles broadcaster, Mike Flanagan.

The other jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge, Dante Benedetti.

Throughout my career, these two guys would of led the list of players who were easiest going, happiest.

When I quit baseball, it was out of desperation to survive, now for the first time I feel the loss.

Well, I need to meditate, feel this loss in its entirety, then let it go.

This does not feel good, but I need to experience and release this saved trauma.

Another piece of hidden trauma has surfaced and now I will integrate it.

Meditating and healing are a daily challenge.



A frightened little boy faces adulthood



Being a narcissist, my father demanded total control, I do not think he meant to shame me. Shame was a by product of the constant criticism, his way of making me a great baseball player.

My father had a dream, having to get married because of a pregnancy at 17; my mom was 16, robbed him of his dream.

He would live his dream through me, he would take all the credit and I would be criticized with every imperfect move he deemed unacceptable.

Even healed, life is much different for a severely abused little boy.

I live a quiet life, I try to give and have plenty of gratitude for myself and others.

Being happy go lucky, knowing everything will turn out all right, I will never know the feeling.

Life is a struggle. This is my challenge, I accept and do my best.

Surviving my father, then healing, uncovered incredible skills along with the damage.

My willpower was a monster. Athletically I could push my body through pain and barriers others could not.

In sports I could defeat stronger, quicker, more athletic guys with willpower and smarts.

Psychologically, I could wear down an opponent, exploit their weaknesses and defeat them.

Unfortunately none of these conquests elevated my unworthy “Ego” or soothed my damaged inner child.

Some of us desire power, money, or status, my father gave me a goal of baseball stardom. He wanted his son to be the best baseball player ever to live. I was more unnatural than natural.

My physical traits were average at best, speed, oh I was slow of foot. I was average size and strength, a middle of the pack kid with a violent possessed narcissistic father.

I felt like a failure at 35. I had graduated college with a BS in chemistry, played seven years professional baseball and now enjoyed success in private life.

None of that dinted my unworthy soul.

Trophies, hall of fame awards were but momentary distractions, trauma ruled my world.



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