Posts Tagged ‘Judgment’

A Healing journey has ________.

A Healing journey has setbacks, presumed loss and days of confusion.


I judged myself harshly as failing, when a setback arrived. My erroneous judgment and subsequent search for why, powered PTSD.


Trying to make sense of, trying to find the rational reason to an irrational disorder (behavior) deepened my suffering.


I ended up agoraphobic following this ill-fated cognitive endeavor.


Healing needs no understanding of the irrational trauma feelings to heal.


Relief came when I learned to not think or cognitively engage trauma.


When I learned to let go, to live in the present moment, PTSD lost power.


I learned not to waste time and energy wondering why.


Why me, why can’t I solve this disorder, why does this not make rational sense, disappeared from my consciousness.


Leave guilt and judgment alone.


Surround yourself with kindness to overpower these negative thoughts and emotions.
We can be happy with this next breath.

Happiness does not happen in the future, so quit planning and start living.

Look for happiness today. It surrounds all of us.

Pain Paradox: My take

“Nothings needs to be forced to stop, or change, or go away.”

How true!

Chronic pain is a different animal than acute pain. It is a constant companion originating from the same area.

I describe it as broken. My spinal cord is constantly sending signals of danger to my brain. Like a short in the electrical system.

I gained my relief from two practices, Mindfulness and aerobic exercise close to exhaustion.

Both of these tools move right into the center of chronic pain.

You can not be afraid of your pain or it will own you.

Avoiding everything that may cause pain is a recipe for suffering.

Mindfulness takes my breath and focus into the center of my pain region. The trick is to observe, relax and accept, not judge.

Being a former professional athlete, aerobic exercise in the face of pain had familiarity.

I would hike away from my house, up hills until the pain was intense, then with my music turned up and breath focused, I would walk another 20 minutes.


Within three weeks my chronic pain began to compress, lose power and even subside when I was intently focused on something.

If you get to the point where chronic pain fluctuates in intensity, you know you can impact its control.


Intense aerobic exercise secretes endorphins, powerful natural opioids.

I named my pain Mr. “P”, so I could battle an entity while exercising.


Pain is like the air, invisible but powerful. Hard to see another’s pain.

Mindfulness allowed me to accept my pain and then give it no energy, no thought, no judgment.


Our thoughts and judgments will decide if we suffer.


I have chronic pain, I do not suffer.

An incredible feat!

“May your choices reflect your hopes not your fears.”

– Nelson Mandela
Think it is to difficult letting thoughts go?



Think enduring a mundane existence is difficult?


Examine this incredible life, one of sacrifice and service.



Remember chasing pleasure is not the road to happiness.


Mandela sure did not chase pleasure but his life changed a country!


Mandela spent 27 years in prison, upon returning to society, released his hate and forgave his abusers.


Beside this monumental compassion, he had the wisdom to unite his country.
Hard to find a more amazing feat in our generation, in my opinion.


Upon awakening this morning, I felt overwhelmed, anxious, and vulnerable.

Following these feelings and emotions backward, worry, doubt and fear were present.

These judgments projected danger for me. Complex PTSD highlights dangers that it creates.

My mind seemed confused, wanting to avoid or eliminate my predicament.


You could label this catastrophizing, predicting gloom and doom. It stems from my abuse, my critical upbringing. Never safe, never calm.

What can we do?


A couple deep breaths, intently focusing on this moment, cleared this cognitive mess.


I am fine taking this breath, collecting data from all my senses intently.


Awareness returns to this moment.


Reminding myself, life is not lived predicting anything in the future. 


Remember, happiness visits only one time zone, now.


You can not be happy in the past or future.


My healing has not eliminated these overwhelming thoughts,  but I do have tools to handle these fears.

Look in the mirror—-say to yourself “——————”

“Do no Harm”


Never say anything negative about yourself,


Never entertain an unworthy thought


Let doubt and worry go, lessen their impact on your life.


Always practice your daily affirmations!


In this moment, right now, I approve of me.


I accept all of me, the good and not so good,


my strengths and weaknesses,


my Triumphs and losses.


In this moment, right now,  I am completely worthy.



Merry Christmas

Can you take a step back, can you observe the thinker, the “Angry” you!!!!!

Can you focus when you become angry?


Can you take a step back and observe the one who is angry?


You will observe our creation, our “Ego”, feeling unworthy or mistreated.


Who craves approval?   Same answer “Ego”.


The one who needs to think is different from the one who observes.

When I focus intently, letting thought go, an impartial observer, a faithful guide appears for me.


This observer does not judge or use any words.


He/She uses intuition and gut feelings.


He/She does not judge or think, but exists in focused awareness of our environment.



Some call this our soul, or spirit, or intuitive guide, or expansive right hemisphere.



Introduce yourself, this observer is our only conduit to happiness!


That thinker will not lead you to happiness.

The first time I felt worthy and at peace was ?

The first time I felt worthy, at peace was meditating. Oh it took time to build strong focus, being able to let the noise pass on through.


Then one day, thought ceased, my mind cleared while focused intently on my breath. It was spacious, expansive and full of some kind of energy.



My trauma anxiety had receded. That fear and anxious hypervigilance was gone. I was so excited the first time it happened, it broke my concentration and brought me back to consciousness.



I had found an oasis of opportunity and calm. It was a brief encounter, the first time I had experience being whole, worthy, complete.


It took me two years of practice, trying different approaches to discover my worthiness, just sitting quietly following the breath.



This practice was an internal exploration, dependent on nothing or no one external.
Desire is lost during practice. If I could not be content, free and calm sitting quietly, alone, how could a mate, a fancy car, a yacht, mansion or power bring me happiness.



Desire for approval melted away when I meditated. This was huge for me.



My compassion center opened up, gratitude proliferated, and giving regained importance.


Thinking seems to be self-centered for me, while meditating is a selfless activity. I tried to be an observer of life, not a narrator.



My conclusion: If we can not find peace sitting quietly with our mind, how will we heal?


How will we find freedom or peace?

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