Posts Tagged ‘Judgment’

We need to release the thinker at times!!!!!!!

 

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When triggered, depressed, anxious, angry, stressed or fearful, we must limit its duration! These emotional sates can consume life, every waking moment.

 

The longer we grasp them, the stronger the neural pathway that forms.

 

We have many tools. First we need to let go of the storyline attached to these negative emotions.

 

If we have practiced meditating, we are able to focus on the breath, allowing these emotions to fade from our consciousness. Our breathing is the easiest and quickest way we can calm down.

 

 

I used gratitude to replace negative emotion. I gave thanks for small things, a hot shower, friends, my health, my practice, my tools for healing, etc. I found my gratitude dwarfed that emotion.

 

 

Distraction or entering a task can bring many benefits. I go hike in nature, strenuously. What my eyes see, my nose smells and skin feels is witnessed without judgment. This brings me achievement and exhilaration to body and mind.

 

 

Every time a negative storyline arrives with negative emotion, insert your affirmation. In this moment, right now, I accept all of me. I am perfect as my true self, seeing unlimited opportunity available, today.

 

Prepare a meal or do the laundry. Enter the task, be the knife slicing the vegetables. Slow down, let thought clear, just be in the moment.

 

 

Give and give some more. Giving, maybe just a smile and kind greeting. Care about someone beyond your own ego. Feel their pain, their need! Offer some small comfort.
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Updated: A follower asks a question about his mate having Complex PTSD

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Hi Marty

I am a partner of someone with cptsd. We’ve been together for 8 years and half of that feels like it’s been taken away by cptsd. I’ve read lots of things but I cannot reach her anymore. She has a therapist now and this feels has been helpful but at times it’s like nothing has changed. She shares nothing with me, doesnt discuss her diagnosis (2.5 years) or how to move forward or where her therapy is heading. Refuses to discuss how to deal with triggers or situations that will harm our family. Any feelings are thrown at me in anger, rages which can last days, then the dust settles and my life partner is left broken, lost, in turmoil it feels….. Wanting me and our son yet wanting to leave us. We can’t seem to communicate anymore. So much hurt and anger has been felt these last few years and it feels like I’m always ‘the bad guy’ when I’m the only person that’s ever truely been there for her. As for the real ‘bad guys’ she allows them in at times and it causes so much damage. It’s like she believes in people that don’t know her, don’t support her and dont care about her or her family but it’s me that is controlling, abusive, not supportive Doesnt listen.
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Where can I get help to understand her more, is there anyone that can teach me how to reach her and have what we used to have again? I’m desperately in love with her and I know she feels the same. I know she tries so hard with her therapy. I’ve had your blog bookmarked for 2.5 years and come back to it regularly, you and the people that contribute are amazing which is why I’m here….is there something or someone you know that can help a partner of someone with cpsd? I am really desperate…… Thank you so much.
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C-PTSD is extremely difficult for your mate to navigate life. Trauma manifests itself in fears that are scary as death or emotional death of our ego. Sometimes our mate does not hear our advice or aims their anger at us. Their behavior can be erratic at times, seemingly neutral or mundane situations can trigger violent panic attacks.
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Find out who she confides in, then try to work through this person. Ask to be included in a therapy session. What therapy is she using? Does she do homework from therapy or practice some skill to improve daily?

Does she Meditate or is she open to exploring new areas on her journey?  She needs a skill to practice daily to help healing.

The more you can learn about complex PTSD, the better. Try not to react when she is triggered. She needs understanding and support. Critiquing her or criticizing her will not end well.

If I were you, I would start meditating and using mindfulness to help yourself. You will be ready to support her and lead her to let go of those thoughts.

Hope this helps.
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How does your Mind feel about the day ahead?

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Maybe in the shower or sometime in the morning, the mind scans the day ahead.
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This is an insightful time, a glimpse into how our mind feels about life.
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Be aware of any body sensations connected to your feelings.
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Do you feel open, free, full of opportunity, or is it tense, filled with danger, loss?
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Unlimited opportunity and enthusiasm at one end, gloom and doom at the other end.
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I would bet our self worth is connected to these judgments.
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Before improving, my morning thoughts were filled with possible loss, shame, maybe humiliation, a frightening feeling worse than death.
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Constant criticism from my father made me dependent on approval, external conditions for any self worth.  This admission still brings a small tinge of shame for me.
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This was not a life sentence but took daily practice, trial and error plodding through days of confusion to improve.
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Pay attention to your mind, your feeling about life, your attitude.
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Do you think you can be happy?
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Do you think you deserve to be happy?
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When my disorder (PTSD) exploded, I did not think so.
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It is defined as an irrational disorder.
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The need to develop focus, the ability to let go of these judgments, is essential for healing.
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Uncomfortable, unhappy or unfulfilled

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“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled.
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For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.”
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— M. SCOTT PECK
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Does this describe the space before we take action and heal.
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PTSD at its strongest, when our fight or flight mechanism explodes with cortisol and adrenaline, is also at its most vulnerable.
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No real danger exists even though real chemicals are secreted.
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It is our own defense mechanism we are afraid of.
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If we can stay present, focused on the breath, trauma will integrate and heal.
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Takes a minimum of 15 minutes a day, everyday to improve.
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A Still Mind

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To a mind
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that is still,
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the whole universe
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surrenders.”
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— Chuang Tzu –
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My two cents:  Being focused, empty of thought is not boring, it is thrilling.

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Our thoughts carry bias and cloud reality.

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Our judgmental perception not reality is where we exist then!

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Everything is created twice

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Iceberg, Greenland
Photograph by James Balog
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“Everything is created twice,
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first in the mind
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and then in reality.”
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~Robin S. Sharma
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Judging wastes life

Concentric clearly defined annual growth rings on a cut tree stump displayed in an arboretum, close up overhead view

Free images.co.uk.

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The fewer judgments we carry, the better chance we have to be happy!
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Most of our judgments are so habitual or subconscious that they go unnoticed.
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Keep a ledger of every judgement you notice.
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Bring awareness to every decision, every emotional comment, every judgment during the day.
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Notice how we judge everything, even the minuscule, the mundane.
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We judge food, traffic, others appearance, our appearance, the weather, emotions, feelings, moods, performance, etc., etc.
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It all consumes time and energy, wasting life.
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What value do these judgments hold?
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Is there importance, permanence to any of them?
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Replace judgment and thought with being present, living in the moment for an awesome change of pace.
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