Posts Tagged ‘Judgment’

Effort and Attitude

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If we must judge ourselves, base your assessment on the effort you give.

Do you give all out effort, try to practice and live fully?

If so relax and enjoy the journey.

Results are external and out of our control.

We control our effort and attitude.

Be present, be positive and look for opportunity.

Let go of the rest.

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The Chains of Judgment (Thought)

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My fathers narcissistic mind believed criticism was the way to build the best baseball player. He envisioned a professional baseball player (son) would bring him notoriety and status.

How could I not have a critical judgment about myself, my unworthiness. Like other abused kids, we believed we were damaged at our core. I believed I was not worthy to live during my darkest PTSD days.

Now, all those judgments have been let go, I may be flawed but unworthy has left the building.

My “Ego” felt unworthy, damaged, shamed from its earliest memory. My only touch as a child was pain and violence.

All that has changed, healing uncovered my worthiness.

We all are perfect as our true self, our bodies and “Ego” are flawed. We all age, whither and die.

I have found we all share this journey together, not in competition.

I believe abused kids grow up to repeat their abuse or be the opposite of their abuser.

We are not happy go lucky, feeling things will work out, they did not work out in our childhood.

I am the opposite of my father by choice.

Life is a journey, I now enjoy my days.

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A Healing journey has ________.

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A Healing journey has setbacks, presumed loss and days of confusion.

 

I judged myself harshly as failing, when a setback arrived. My erroneous judgment and subsequent search for why, powered PTSD.

 

Trying to make sense of, trying to find the rational reason to an irrational disorder (behavior) deepened my suffering.

 

I ended up agoraphobic following this ill-fated cognitive endeavor.

 

Healing needs no understanding of the irrational trauma feelings to heal.

 

Relief came when I learned to not think or cognitively engage trauma.

 

When I learned to let go, to live in the present moment, PTSD lost power.

 

I learned not to waste time and energy wondering why.

 

Why me, why can’t I solve this disorder, why does this not make rational sense, disappeared from my consciousness.

 

Leave guilt and judgment alone.

 

Surround yourself with kindness to overpower these negative thoughts and emotions.
We can be happy with this next breath.


Happiness does not happen in the future, so quit planning and start living.


Look for happiness today. It surrounds all of us.
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Pain Paradox: My take

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“Nothings needs to be forced to stop, or change, or go away.”


How true!


Chronic pain is a different animal than acute pain. It is a constant companion originating from the same area.


I describe it as broken. My spinal cord is constantly sending signals of danger to my brain. Like a short in the electrical system.


I gained my relief from two practices, Mindfulness and aerobic exercise close to exhaustion.


Both of these tools move right into the center of chronic pain.


You can not be afraid of your pain or it will own you.


Avoiding everything that may cause pain is a recipe for suffering.


Mindfulness takes my breath and focus into the center of my pain region. The trick is to observe, relax and accept, not judge.


Being a former professional athlete, aerobic exercise in the face of pain had familiarity.


I would hike away from my house, up hills until the pain was intense, then with my music turned up and breath focused, I would walk another 20 minutes.

 

Within three weeks my chronic pain began to compress, lose power and even subside when I was intently focused on something.


If you get to the point where chronic pain fluctuates in intensity, you know you can impact its control.

 

Intense aerobic exercise secretes endorphins, powerful natural opioids.


I named my pain Mr. “P”, so I could battle an entity while exercising.

 

Pain is like the air, invisible but powerful. Hard to see another’s pain.


Mindfulness allowed me to accept my pain and then give it no energy, no thought, no judgment.

 

Our thoughts and judgments will decide if we suffer.

 

I have chronic pain, I do not suffer.
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An incredible feat!

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“May your choices reflect your hopes not your fears.”

– Nelson Mandela
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Think it is to difficult letting thoughts go?

 

 

Think enduring a mundane existence is difficult?

 

Examine this incredible life, one of sacrifice and service.

 

 

Remember chasing pleasure is not the road to happiness.

 

Mandela sure did not chase pleasure but his life changed a country!

 

Mandela spent 27 years in prison, upon returning to society, released his hate and forgave his abusers.

 

Beside this monumental compassion, he had the wisdom to unite his country.
Hard to find a more amazing feat in our generation, in my opinion.
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Overwhelmed?

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Upon awakening this morning, I felt overwhelmed, anxious, and vulnerable.


Following these feelings and emotions backward, worry, doubt and fear were present.


These judgments projected danger for me. Complex PTSD highlights dangers that it creates.

My mind seemed confused, wanting to avoid or eliminate my predicament.

 

You could label this catastrophizing, predicting gloom and doom. It stems from my abuse, my critical upbringing. Never safe, never calm.


What can we do?

 

A couple deep breaths, intently focusing on this moment, cleared this cognitive mess.

 

I am fine taking this breath, collecting data from all my senses intently.

 

Awareness returns to this moment.

 

Reminding myself, life is not lived predicting anything in the future. 

 

Remember, happiness visits only one time zone, now.

 

You can not be happy in the past or future.

 

My healing has not eliminated these overwhelming thoughts,  but I do have tools to handle these fears.
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Look in the mirror—-say to yourself “——————”

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“Do no Harm”

 

Never say anything negative about yourself,

 

Never entertain an unworthy thought

 

Let doubt and worry go, lessen their impact on your life.

 

Always practice your daily affirmations!

 

In this moment, right now, I approve of me.

 

I accept all of me, the good and not so good,

 

my strengths and weaknesses,

 

my Triumphs and losses.

 

In this moment, right now,  I am completely worthy.

 

 

Merry Christmas
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