Posts Tagged ‘healing’

“Ego” and Awareness


.
.
Awareness does not involve our “Ego”.


Our “Ego” is never equal to another “Ego” and craves approval. That means criticism is avoided, denied or excused away.

 

Awareness through the “Ego’s” vision is very biased and highly inaccurate.

 

Awareness arrives when we go below the “Ego”, below all thought and emotion.
It happens when we get quiet, focus, and observe.

 

Awareness enables observation, seeing without judging.

 

This is our first step towards healing or happiness.


Our memories can be described as incomplete and inaccurate.


Memory, well trauma memory is stored in brief packets. We fill  the spaces in between.  These memories are collected when our fight or flight mechanism has hampered judgment.  

 

Survival from an imminent threat shuts down parts of the mind and stores this memory in a different part of the brain, the right amygdala.

 

In criminal trials eye witness has proved to be inaccurate unless you know the person.  Watch an old movie you viewed five years ago. See how memory is different from that movie.


Be aware of the prejudice, the childish “Ego” holds tightly.

 

 

Free yourself from the bias, see life clearly, become aware.
.
.

Choosing our Purpose


.
.
Life seems easier when we have a purpose, a direction.


I lost sight of my purpose when PTSD exploded. Purpose was replaced with survival, a desire to withstand my suffering.


To have a chance at happiness (wellbeing), doubt, worry, fear, anxiety, depression, etc. can not dominant our existence.

 

Next our purpose decides direction. If our purpose is to be wealthy and powerful, happiness may not be attainable.

 

Acceptance, giving and gratitude seem to be in the midst of wellbeing.

 

How could Mother Teresa’s life been that rewarding?

 

It looks like total sacrifice for the throw aways of society.


She lacks the pleasures we Americans think make us happy. She surrounds herself with lepers in need. Looks like back-breaking service without financial reward or power.

 

How could a life surrounded by disease, suffering and death been so rewarding.

 

If I were to guess, I would say she is happier than me or you.
.
.

Surrender: a great tool for healing, wellbeing (Happiness)

.
.
Healing was incremental for me, each plateau reached through concerted action over months. Nothing came easy or quick.


Complex PTSD from a childhood does not heal miraculously, quickly or easily. The mind was not fully developed when trauma entered its world. Hard to tell what is normal and what is the aftermath of abuse.


Aerobic exercise, therapy, reading, meditating, practicing acceptance, applying mindfulness and persistence each brought benefits for me. Sometimes all hope seemed lost but something inside refused to give up.


This trait is very important. Lots of setbacks, even perceived losses on this journey. That inner guide can be our savior in our low moments.


Meditating and mindfulness carved out a small secure space for me to survive. This space grew incrementally as I healed.


It was like climbing a ladder, each successive rung revealed more of the horizon, more of the path.


Acceptance was difficult, releasing the shame and guilt reached a sticking point. My fear, worry and confusion kept me paralyzed for months.


I still had resistance, actually I was terrified, enforced with cortisol by my fight or flight mechanism exploding. The drugs are real, the storyline is the mirage.


Being vulnerable, that is surrendering completely in the face of my trauma, broke the traffic jam. It was scary not to resist, to be so vulnerable, so defenseless.


With arms outstretched, totally open, I pictured my heart as a butterfly net.


I had found the next step, being vulnerable, surrendering to my fears.

 

This exposed my fears so I could observe them.


Try surrendering the next time you meditate.
.
.

PTSD is not an all-powerful disorder, something to fear and avoid.

.
.
PTSD is finite and has weaknesses. Glaring weaknesses that I found while sitting quietly observing trauma with intense focus.

 

PTSD has a fatal flaw, it can not play defense!

 


When PTSD is at its apex of power, our fight or flight mechanism firing violently, cortisol and adrenaline dumped into our bloodstream, it is also at its weakest!

 


I explored my trauma while meditating and found no damage after a trigger exploded. When my nervous system slowly calmed down, I was fine. Yes the chemicals were real, the feeling of real fear was intense but their was no damage to my being.

 

 


This built my confidence each time, finally having the courage to stay present with the body sensations, intently focused on my breath.

 


PTSD was a past tense bluff, a mirage of real danger. My father, my abuser was long deceased, so he was not going to appear and damage me.

 


Take away the chemicals being dumped along with all the physical changes preparing us for a lethal threat and all that exists are our stored thoughts and fears, nothing real.

 

 

We fear our own defense mechanism firing along with our trauma memory.

 

We need to react, avoid or dissociate when our fight or flight mechanism fires or it loses power.

 

Trust me, I have lived this and repeatedly stayed present as my C-PTSD erupted violently. Each time we stay present PTSD loses power.

 

Examine your triggers, follow them back to the source, memories of past terror, thoughts are all that exists, nothing more.

 

Takes practice while things are calm to be able to stay present when PTSD fires violently.

 

Start today with 15 minutes of mindfulness practice.
.
.
.

Buddhism and Western medicine: a good read

2ADC8BEA-2E94-4229-B0AC-CE520FE58D9D

.

.

Author:

Alex Lickerman, MD, is a physician and former director of primary care at one of the world’s most prestigious universities, the University of Chicago. He is also a practicing Nichiren Buddhist and leader in the Nichiren Buddhist lay organization, the Soka Gakkai International, USA (SGI-USA).

 

Buddhism and Western medicine would seem an incongruous mixture, but in the hands of Alex Lickerman they meld seamlessly into a recipe for overcoming life’s hardships—indeed, for turning them into advantages. An accomplished physician, Lickerman has no truck for the supernatural, but recognizes that the tenets of Nichiren Buddhism have been honed over centuries to help alleviate life’s inevitable sufferings. The Undefeated Mind is a deeply engaging story of how Lickerman has fused modern medicine with ancient wisdom to heal his patients both physically and psychologically—lessons that apply to all of us.”
–Jerry Coyne, professor of Ecology and Evolution at University of Chicago

Continue reading

Opioid lawsuit targets rich family behind drug that fueled US crisis Sackler family, which owns Purdue Pharma, the maker of OxyContin, accused of fueling addiction while boosting profits

73473615-1842-4E00-8F31-5065EB9A653CPhotograph: George Frey/Reuters
.
.

The Guardian:
Joanna Walters and agencies
Tue 12 Jun 2018

 

The prescription painkiller OxyContin at a pharmacy. The lawsuit takes the unusual step of personally naming the company executives.
The prescription painkiller OxyContin at a pharmacy. The lawsuit takes the unusual step of personally naming the company executives.

 

The state of Massachusetts on Tuesday sued the maker of the prescription painkiller OxyContin, which has been blamed for spawning America’s opioids crisis, naming leading executives and members of the multibillionaire Sackler family that owns the pharmaceutical company.

The lawsuit accuses the company, Purdue Pharma, of spinning a “web of illegal deceit” to fuel the deadly drug abuse crisis while boosting profits.

Their strategy was simple: the more drugs they sold, the more money they made, and the more people died
Maura Healey, state attorney general
Purdue Pharma is already defending lawsuits from several states and local governments, but Massachusetts is the first state to take the unusual step of personally naming the company’s executives in a complaint, the state attorney general, Maura Healey, said. It names 16 current and former executives and board members, including the chief executive, Craig Landau, and eight members across three generations of the Sackler family that wholly owns Purdue.

The lawsuit alleges Purdue deceived patients and doctors about the risks of opioids, pushed prescribers to keep patients on the drugs longer and aggressively targeted vulnerable populations, such as the elderly and veterans.

“Their strategy was simple: the more drugs they sold, the more money they made, and the more people died,” Healey said on Tuesday.

Purdue, based in Stamford, Connecticut, issued a statement saying it vigorously denied all the allegations and looked forward to presenting “substantial defenses” to the claims in the lawsuit.

“We share the attorney general’s concern about the opioid crisis. We are disappointed, however, that in the midst of good faith negotiations with many states, the commonwealth [of Massachusetts] has decided to pursue a costly and protracted litigation process. We will continue to work collaboratively with the states toward bringing meaningful solutions,” it stated.

Maura Healey, the Massachusetts attorney general, has sued the maker of OxyContin over the deadly opioid crisis.
Facebook Twitter Pinterest
Maura Healey, the Massachusetts attorney general, has sued the maker of OxyContin over the deadly opioid crisis.

 

Purdue, along with some other painkiller makers and drug distributors, is currently facing more than 300 lawsuits from city and county authorities across the country. The lawsuits have been corralled into one multi-district case in a federal court in Ohio. The judge in that case has been pushing for a huge, quick settlement to compensate victims and assist in what the government has admitted is a public health crisis, in the way the so-called “Big Tobacco settlement” happened against cigarette companies in the 1990s. But some experts are calling for the case to go to trial in order to oblige the pharmaceutical companies to produce more evidence in the discovery process.

 

 

Continue reading

Why do people staring at me impact my life so negatively?

 

IMG_0463

 
I share this with a feeling of extreme embarrassment.

 

 

It seems so mundane, so ridiculous on paper, but in real life, it is my invisible prison.

 

 

Why does this seem to have such a negative influence, such an enormous power, such a quick, catastrophizing affect.

 

 

A childhood filled with constant criticism, extreme physical violence and harsh abuse, lives just beneath the surface of my consciousness.

 

 

I was a thing to my father, like the owner of a fighting pit bull. My worth was how good I made him look playing sports.

 

 

I had a big nose as a kid, which made me a target for ridicule, shame and unwanted attention.

 

 

Add this experience to my fathers abuse and my trauma manifests as social anxiety.

 

 

These two situations dominated my childhood, nowhere was I safe.

 

 

Catastrophic loss seems possible for me, when it explodes.

 

 

My C-PTSD came from this sick childhood.

 

 

Cognitively, I know all of this is irrational, transparent and impossible.

 

 

Knowing does not eliminate hypervigilance, anxiety, fear or shame!

 

 

They run on their own without conscious influence or control.

 

 

If I spend time thinking about any of this, it grows.

 

 

My job is to Meditate, slow the mind, focus it, and then let all these judgments and thoughts pass on by.

 

 

The most I have to fear is my own reaction to this stimuli.

 

 

No matter what, living fully and happily is my goal, not isolation or hiding for safety.

 

 

Thoughts? I have decided to share my journey in more detail as ptsd resurfaces in my life.
.
.

 

Continue reading

%d bloggers like this: