Posts Tagged ‘happiness’

My childhood was extremely violent: life was a battleground

From https://www.corpun.com/car1.htm

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Today I felt that old familiar total helplessness. Cortisol and adrenaline released in small quantities, but that feeling a huge man was about to beat my ass violently, gripped me.

The level of violence my dad perpetrated on me was intense. A specially made paddle with holes was hand made at the cabinet shop.

He was proud of his creation, he was a narcissist, I was his pawn.

Once a week at dinner, Lima beans were served. When my gag reflex would not let me ingest them, I puked, then got beat until he got tired.

Once a week.

Imagine if I did something wrong, his level of violence and rage escalated. Emotionally, constant criticism was his preferred vehicle of conversation.

After all my healing, all my meditating and practice, that demon still lives in my nervous system.

Childhood trauma leaves scars, some last the rest of our life.

My choice is obvious, avoid and isolate or accept, let go and be present.

It is always a simple solution to yesterday’s problems.

External stimulus either controls our mind or we focus and direct our attention to this moment.

My practice has not eliminated the damage but made it possible to enjoy life and experience happiness.

At every breath we have a choice, give in to judgment or stay present, focused and alive.

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Another Acceptance post

Pixabay: mstlion

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Acceptance was difficult for me. Struggling to accept who I was, became extremely arduous.

How do you accept a damaged self image, an abusive childhood, in this moment? I struggled.

I avoided, tried to fix me and suffering ensued.

As most humans, I thought change was needed, I could achieve something to gain happiness in the future.

Happiness only happens in one time zone, NOW!

Happiness is impossible to experience in the future.

So we trade our only chance for happiness in for some euphoric prize in the future.

Realize this is a mirage created by our “Ego” craving control of our body.

Accept all of you, grow gratitude and giving, then let go and enjoy the moment, it is all there is.

Whether we accept ourselves totally or live a life of worry or doubt, death visits all of us.

We are here to pursue happiness.

Happiness contains acceptance, gratitude, giving and a focused empty mind.

It’s about fully entering into our experience—residing in the physical reality of the present moment.

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Lets get Creative: The Ego as Ventriloquist Dummy

Pixabay: makeitclear / 6 images

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My Ego, my definition: He is the one who thinks, who gets angry, pissed, envious, even adolescent, craving approval, chasing pleasure.

A creative idea sprung forward. Why not treat my Ego like a ventriloquist dummy, an appendage type puppet.

Refer to him in the third person, an adolescent character, a virtual mini-me.

This fictitious character was created for identity, a bit player, not a starring role in our life.

Discount emotions, focus, explore below the surface, life is much, much deeper, if you just let go and observe.

That dummy can occupy way to much of our life.

Realize that dummy never feels equal to any other dummy he meets.

That dummy craves superiority, dominance, adulation.

My dummies cravings bring suffering and anguish.

Happiness is not connected with our Ego.

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We should train our soldiers, PTSD WOULD DECLINE

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Matthew Ricard from “Happiness”

After the Chinese invasion of Tibet in 1959, Tenzin Choedrak, the personal physician of the Dalai Lama, was first sent to a forced labor camp in northeastern Tibet along with some one hundred others.

Five prisoners, himself among them, survived.

He was transferred from camp to camp for nearly twenty years and often thought that he would die of hunger or of the abuse inflicted on him.

A psychiatrist who specializes in post-traumatic stress and who treated Doctor Choedrak was astonished that he showed not the least sign of post-traumatic stress syndrome.

He was not bitter, felt no resentment, displayed serene kindness, and had none of the usual psychological problems, such as anxiety, nightmares, and so on.

Choedrak acknowledged that he occasionally felt hatred for his torturers, but that he always returned to the practice of meditation on inner peace and compassion.

That was what sustained his desire to go on living and ultimately saved him.

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My two cent: Suicide is extremely rare or non existent for these world class meditators.

Amazing what we can endure if we let our judgments go, then stay present.

Inner peace and compassion sustained this monk for twenty years.

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Let’s practice not being special!

Pixabay: dozemode

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Today, relinquish all desire to be special. Can you tolerate being ordinary or even inept at something new.

Anything we struggle with, is a great proving ground for not being special. Join an expert group you have no knowledge about the subject.

When we are the novice, having nothing to add to the group, how does your “Ego” react.

Does he/she discount this group as not important, or lobby to exit this group. One thing for sure, our “Ego” does not like not being special.

We can learn our “Egos” personality in situations like this.

Observe his/her judgments and bias.

Do you agree with these judgments.

Do your “Egos” judgments harm or benefit your being?

In truth most harm!

Explore your inner world, know when the “Ego” is leading, judging and dominating.

Learn to observe, that is be present as the Aware Presence.

Aware Presence has no memory or thought, it is a neutral observer.

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Emptiness: Ever been told your “Full of it”. Some have added a sh

Pixabay: SnapwireSnaps

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“Emptiness means to be full of everything but empty of a separate existence.”

Thich Nhat Hahn

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My two cents: He is speaking of non-duality, the “Ego” we create (I, me, mine) does not exist.

Marty is the name that identifies me, not who I am. Now, I try to just be present, observing without Marty’s biased judgments.

Incredible how this action changes my thoughts, my enjoyment of life.

When we let this “Ego” recede we become more full of everything.

When the “Ego” dominates our existence life narrows substantially.

Full of Everything means desire and needs are in perspective, gratitude and giving are valued like gold.

Possessions are not an important part of everything.

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Thanksgiving is an hourly practice

Our first snow enjoyed by Mr. Brighton

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Thanksgiving is an hourly practice, not a once a year novelty.

Gratitude grows giving, then giving returns the favor.

When my compassion center opened, gratitude and giving increased.

If you want your life to count, then be grateful and give freely.

Of all my accomplishments, giving has lasted, the trophies are tarnished and dusty, long forgotten.

Sadness and depression do not visit grateful givers as often, I know.

On this day, realize we are on this journey together.

Good deeds travel, possesssions are left behind when we depart this earth.

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