Posts Tagged ‘Gratitude’

Christmas brings anxious feelings, memories

Pixabay: wixin_56k



Each year around this time on my blog and in my mindfulness group, some are conflicted.

Holidays bring memories of our family abuse. It is confusing, some decide to go

functions with their abusers present.

An uncle, brother, father or domineering mother could be our abuser.

Some families exert pressure on us to participate at Christmas dinner even though our abuser will be present.

Please, feel no obligation or guilt for their dysfunction.

In my family, looking perfect to the outside world is the holy grail.

For me, I am disowned now.

Yes, I had the audacity to ask them for help.

Denial and excommunication is what I received.

If we need these people we will suffer.

For me, I never needed them.

Holidays still have this eerie, haunting feeling for me.

Now it is much easy to let it all go, then direct my attention to gratitude and giving.



A few Roadblocks we face while healing


From the blog A great resource blog



The first roadblock separates over 90% of people searching for a cure.

Taking daily action, facing our fears while sitting quietly, makes cowards out of us.

Denial or one of the millions of excuses prevents people from risking change. It is a sad fact,

Next for those who start a daily practice, a time arrives when healing begins and these scary, anxious feelings explode.

Our first reflex is to avoid, run or extinguish these feelings. We judge them as bad.

Healing is not comfortable, some of our trauma leaves in a conscious way, exiting violently.

Most people I encounter think they are getting worse, but the opposite is true.

My triggers erupted as they exited my mind and body.

I figured their intensity was proportionate to the violent abuse endured as a child.

This was my experience and what I have witnessed with others healing.

Healing was painful for me, then it became euphoric in a few weeks.

Please, accept the challenge and risk, take action, fight for your wellbeing.

Never give in!

Never give up!



Change: Do you Resist Change?



Change is the one constant we can count on.

We resist change at every turn, like swimming upstream all of our life.

We resist the inevitable and suffer.

Common sense tells us we are totally different at age 5 than 15 and definitely different at 68.

Why do we fear change so much, resist at all costs.

We humans seem to covet control with a vengeance.

It is like we want to know the numbers to the lottery to keep the current status quo.

Whatever our status, we resist any change like change is harmful.

Change is ever present, happening as we try to slow its progress.

Look at the energy we expend to keep the status quo, even when our status sucks.

We choose to suffer a known existence rather than risk change.

Can you tolerate accepting change?

Can you be present, curious about whatever external stimuli is present.

Change happens in this moment, we miss it because we are ruminating in the past or predicting the future.

We miss change when we refuse to stay present.

Change happens naturally for a seasoned meditator.

Change is normal for those who have learned where happiness thrives.



The path of the heart: Excerpt from the book “The Unbelievable Happiness of What Is”

Pixabay: RedHeadsRule



“The path of the heart is to learn to listen, rather than talk; to allow, rather than dominate; and to really take in the many, many communications from all directions that are guiding your attention, helping show you the way to return home.

That guidance, that inherent wisdom, is always communicating, always and forever attempting to return you to wakefulness.

So even in those inevitable times when you’re quite out of balance, it’s helpful to allow yourself to feel the imbalance, the disconnectedness, the off-centeredness.

Gradually you’ll learn to allow your experience to be exactly as it is, rather than trying to avoid it, or fix it, or even understand it.

Allowing yourself to be out of balance is often how balance can return.

The great Zen master Dogen Zenji described human life as “one continuous mistake.” If it wasn’t, he asked, how would we find our way?

Most people think mistakes are to be avoided, but on the spiritual path, mistakes are welcomed.

So-called mistakes are opportunities, guideposts, lights illuminating our way.

So the path is to turn toward what’s difficult and allow it to guide you.

Gradually you learn to understand and accept that you’re always in the midst of ongoing transformation.

Even when you feel stuck, caught in the drama and struggle of the identified, suffering, separate self—even then transformation is actually in process.”



What is your life’s purpose?



Mine has changed drastically as I have aged. Fame and fortune blinded my early years.

Childhood trauma stole years from my mid 20’s until mid 50’s.

Lost and suffering clouded any purpose I had.

Healing and meditating brought clarity and a clear purpose, to be happy.

Matthew Ricard says our purpose in life is to be “Happy”.

Happiness takes surrendering to your fears, stockpiling enormous amounts of gratitude, then helping others less fortunate on this path.

Happiness comes to humble, aware souls who let the “Egos” selfishness fade with a lack of attention.

Happiness has nothing to do with achievement, adulation, success or approval.

Can you imagine being happy in stressful, awkward situations.

Accepting life’s challenges is the fork in the road we need to choose.

As long as I show up enthusiastic and give all out effort, the results do not matter.

Behaving like this gives us the best chance for success anyway.



Being a mindfulness teacher

Pixabay: LoggaWiggler / 3040 images



Being a mindfulness teacher has brought many challenges, many unexpected.

After my first month, I settled in, changing focus from my presentation skills to the needs of the group.

My first observation was few applied themselves or started a mindfulness practice.

I saw first hand how hard change was, almost impossible for many.

Second, my words were the same, why did a few improve and others continued to suffer?

Small, concrete actions helped most. Abstract ideas in the future sounded important but garnered little action.

Little homework projects like spotting the “Ego” during the day or noticing the inner critic helped them.

Finite successes do wonders for the mind, confidence, taking more action.

Those who started a practice learned to let thought and emotion fade, while they explored the inner world, our body sensations.

The External world brings challenges, however it is our reaction that decides our fate.

We test our focus bringing up situations that piss us off, whether it be critical comments, obnoxious drivers or a colleague at work.

Those emotions are given attention for a couples of minutes to empower them.

Next we meditate, focus on the breath, then let thought and emotion fade. In time all could accomplish this task.

This is practice to face our big fears, traumas and anxieties later on.

Small Actions like this have made an impact.



how we think we should be

Pixabay: 1239652 / 43 images



Excerpt from the book “The Unbelievable Happiness of What Is”

“A common Zen teaching describes the sage as a person of no rank.

This is a description of someone who isn’t identified.

Again, that doesn’t mean the sage has no personality.

Awakened people can have powerful personalities that from the outside may even appear stronger than they were before awakening.

No longer restricted by their beliefs or ideas about how they should be,

or by worries about how others

think they should be,

they are free simply to show up fully and authentically as they actually are.”



My two cents: Our goal is to show up empty of thought, focused like a laser, relaxed and aware.

We waste so much time worrying about how to fit in, be accepted, then gain approval.

Approval has nothing to do with happiness.

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