Posts Tagged ‘Fear’

Yes I have asked “Why am I so much different?



Why can I do extremely difficult tasks but find simple things that others do with ease, extremely awkward and sometimes painful.

I have healed once, been back in the throes of PTSD, and eventually found my way out again.

After all this, my triggers do not fire my fight or flight mechanism but unworthy thoughts still exist in the farthest reaches of my mind.

Focused and centered, I enter into scary trigger situations before I surrender to avoidance and fear.

I refuse to let trauma fear dictate my behavior.

Call it hard headed, or my dad would win or anything you like, I battle my trauma for control of my life.

It is a challenge I freely accept in its entirety.

Take calculated risks with PTSD, the triggers are a mirage.

Go towards your triggers, get comfortable in awkward situations, test yourself, grow, risk, be alive.

Die battling rather than give up.

Attitude and effort are under our control.

Live a good life, die a good death, refuse to suffer as a victim!

We have all the courage we need!



Small, specific exercises during the day, can become a strong habit in due time.



When we find ourselves distracted, unfocused, mind wandering, use the senses, see, hear, touch, smell, and taste to come back to now.

I use sight first, then sound followed by the aroma of my environment.

Our five senses are ever present, no thought is necessary to become intensely aware of the stimulus they detect.

We observe our senses without judgment.

We are gathering the current data our senses have detected.

I look at where I am, then find an object to focus on.

At times I find perfection in a flower, a tree, rain or nature.

When I hike, my eyes dominate my existence.

If I am out in nature, the need for my “Ego” (Identity) lessons.

The smells are intoxicating.

Quiet down and become an observant sponge.

Listen to subtle calls of the birds, the silence of being out in nature away from the noise of the city.

If this is not possible, sit quietly and focus intently on the breath while letting thoughts clear.

Meditation can take you out in the woods inside your mind.

Escape the craziness of your mind for brief moments, meditate.



The trick with happiness



Happiness seems to come from a well adjusted self and the ability to focus the mind.

More specifically, can we avoid getting drawn into drama, ours or others.

Can we avoid worrying, craving approval, complaining or blaming?

Can we be content?

In trigger situations (trauma drama) can we focus and let go.

Can we be calm and content with who we are, right now, this second.

Most of us think we need to improve, need to accomplish something or cure something before we are whole or capable of being happy.

Happiness does not exist in the future.

The trick is to stay present by letting the noise go and being open to enjoying what is directly in front of you.

It maybe fantastic but probably mundane and boring as we judge life.

The mundane and boring lead to happiness, well inside them if we take time to explore.



Change is most difficult



In this moment, right now I shower myself with kindness.

In this moment, can you tolerate letting go of emotional judgments or any negative thoughts?

We are starting small with only this next moment, not the rest of our lives.

Work on small, specific, concrete changes.

Change can not happen in our past and the future is nothing but speculation based on past events.

Try to be present for the next half hour.

Find out what living in the present feels like.

My meditation practice built my focus, application during the day helped change my mind.

Change does not happen easily, we need to work through the hard times when progress seems to grind to a halt.

We need to overcome mans nature to willingly suffer a familiar pain instead of trying to heal (change).

Takes persistence and courage to face our fears and make changes.



The impact of Childhood PTSD



At 67 I have finally found a calling that interests me.

My childhood abuse stole my life for decades. So much time was spent avoiding, denying, trying to make sense of PTSD’s symptoms.

I felt unworthy, flawed, shamed. I hid by overworking, trying to accomplish things that would give me status, worth.

That external search was misguided and uneventful, the real search was an internal one.

PTSD distorted my sense of myself , hid my strengths in plain sight, covered them in a cloudy anxiety blanket.

I think childhood abuse hides our true nature from ourselves. I had no clue who I was.

When I healed my therapist said your fathers abuse hid your true identity, an extrovert. My life was lived as an introvert until I was in my 50’s. I was quiet, easily shamed or embarrassed in a public setting.

All my emotions were aimed towards the bias of PTSD, making me a stranger to myself.

How could a shamed little boy, beaten and criticized, think he could be normal.

Now at 67, I have the desire to be a healer, a therapist.

First time in my life I know what I want to be.

Better late than never and I can find gratitude in my journey, not regret.

Life is not easy for any of us, challenges are given to every one of us.



We share this journey



We share this journey with others, we lend a helping hand to the needy.

We are not in competition, better positions are not available for conquering others in sport, in business, at home or at play in the after life.

You do not earn extra years of life for defeating others, gaining status or power.

The recipe for happiness contains large quantities of gratitude and giving.

Hate, jealousy, worry, anger and fear are ingredients that spoil the recipe.

The suffering I witness is overwhelming, no way I can even dent the surface.

I can selectively help a few. I volunteer, give freely without concern for reward, and dedicate my meditation to help the needy.

It distresses me to see the hate and vitriol in politics these days. America hates on a level I have not witnessed since my youth.

Each side justifies abhorrent behavior for its purpose.

Politicians make me puke, corruption, graft and special interests rule the day.

Be a giver, have gratitude for every small blessing you become aware of.

Giving is permanent, not many things are!



USAF Orders Stand-Down to Combat Rising Suicide Rate 8/1/2019 ​––BRIAN EVERSTINE


This story was updated on Aug. 1, 2019, at 1:04 p.m. EST.

Air Force units will stand down for one day this summer to address the rising problem of suicides, which Air Force Chief of Staff Gen. David Goldfein said is “an adversary that is killing more of our airmen than any enemy on the planet.”

As of the end of July, 79 suicides had occurred in the Air Force in 2019 —nearly as many as were recorded last year in about half the time. The service saw about 100 suicides per year in each of the last five years.

Chief Master Sergeant of the Air Force Kaleth Wright told airmen this week he believes suicide is the biggest problem the service faces.

“Let’s take a moment and breathe and spend a little time on our airmen and their resiliency, and make sure we’re not missing anything when it comes to suicide and suicide awareness,” Wright told Air Force Magazine during a visit to Tinker AFB, Okla., this week.

Goldfein penned a letter to commanders explaining the decision to stand down, while Wright filmed a video. The pause is expected to mirror last year’s safety-focused stand-down. Leaders ordered that stop following a series of crashes and other safety incidents across the service.

Suicide happens “sometimes with, and often without, warning,” Goldfein wrote. “Make this tactical pause matter. Make it yours and make it personal.”

This time, commanders must stop most operations on a day that best suits their mission and gather their units to discuss resiliency and mental health, and to ensure airmen are well. Most of the details are up to local commanders, though Air Force headquarters is providing some resources.

Wright urged leaders to use all the tools available to design a suicide-prevention program that works best for their wing: “We trust commanders,” he said.

Goldfein seeks feedback from commanders during AFA’s Air, Space, and Cyber conference in September on what they learned from the stand-down.

“Taking care of our airmen and their families so they can take care of the mission is our most sacred duty as leaders,” Goldfein wrote.

While each suicide is unique, the service has studied each of this year’s nearly 80 deaths to find shared elements.

“As we peel back the onion on many of these cases, on occasion, we see some common threads: Relationship problems, sometimes discipline issues, things of that nature,” Wright said. “It’s really hard to kind of nail down the why—why there’s been such an increase.”


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