Posts Tagged ‘Fear’

Being empty: Daily application


During the day we need to perform certain tasks with our minds empty.


That is, free from thought, when we shower, get dressed, or do any mundane chore.


Consider how much of the day is lived with the mind full of complex machinations, serious doubt, invented worry or anxious anticipation of a coming event.


All of our waking moments can be occupied with frivolous judgments, ruminating journeys of investigation or make believe scenarios of our life.


The mind craves to be focused, empty and clear.


In this state it reaches full potential, opens its expansive nature and unlocks its crystal clear power.


Opportunity and wellbeing are attached to a mind that is empty and focused during the day.

We must be able to endure the awkward, the uncomfortable


Reading one of the blogs I follow, a post listed all the doubts, judgments, concerns about the therapist, therapy and her own worthiness or unworthiness.


It seemed a celebration of victimhood wrapped in the Ego’s narrative.


Healing will never happen if we wait till things feel good or it is the right time to try.


Safe is never arriving, even the richest man has no idea what’s around the next bend.



We have to learn to withstand, to endure situations and people who make us uncomfortable, uneasy or even a little scared.


Unless we endure, experience these situations, healing or happiness will always be a stranger.


We will never feel that calm, that feeling of I am ok, worthy!


Being worthy comes from within, not through achievement or approval.


Next time a trigger explodes, focus on your breath, observe the narrative and watch it fade away.


A calm, a knowing you are fine arrives to greet us.



Healing or being on a spiritual journey is not an easy, calm path, it can be highly charged, scary and turbulent, like life.


Build your focus and hunt down your fears.



It is a battle, many do not see it like this.

Why do people staring at me impact my life so negatively?



I share this with a feeling of extreme embarrassment.



It seems so mundane, so ridiculous on paper, but in real life, it is my invisible prison.



Why does this seem to have such a negative influence, such an enormous power, such a quick, catastrophizing affect.



A childhood filled with constant criticism, extreme physical violence and harsh abuse, lives just beneath the surface of my consciousness.



I was a thing to my father, like the owner of a fighting pit bull. My worth was how good I made him look playing sports.



I had a big nose as a kid, which made me a target for ridicule, shame and unwanted attention.



Add this experience to my fathers abuse and my trauma manifests as social anxiety.



These two situations dominated my childhood, nowhere was I safe.



Catastrophic loss seems possible for me, when it explodes.



My C-PTSD came from this sick childhood.



Cognitively, I know all of this is irrational, transparent and impossible.



Knowing does not eliminate hypervigilance, anxiety, fear or shame!



They run on their own without conscious influence or control.



If I spend time thinking about any of this, it grows.



My job is to Meditate, slow the mind, focus it, and then let all these judgments and thoughts pass on by.



The most I have to fear is my own reaction to this stimuli.



No matter what, living fully and happily is my goal, not isolation or hiding for safety.



Thoughts? I have decided to share my journey in more detail as ptsd resurfaces in my life.


Continue reading

PTSD brings danger, feels real to us, the chemicals definitely are real!



A trigger explodes. Parts of the brain shut down, adrenaline, cortisol, tunnel vision, loss of fine motor skills, along with BP, respiration and heart rate escalate.



We are ready for a lethal threat, the problem, no lethal threat is present. We know this consciously, have experienced thousands of triggers without permanent damage. Irrational!



Danger arrives abstractly for me. It feels like something worse than death is out there, waiting.



Shame, the destruction of our ego, seems to be possible, the ultimate loss. This clarity has surfaced recently for me.



My childhood was filled with conditioned love, verbal and physical abuse, plus the ultimate fear of abandonment. One of my biggest fears was to be abandoned, I would rather endure the beatings than be an orphan.



Our true self (spirit, soul) is permanent and thrives without even knowing of the Ego.



The “Ego” is created and dies without the support of the true self, the power of our being.



How can a mirage mean so much to us?



Approval, approval, approval!



Approval brought security,  being ostracized from the tribe back in our hunter gather stage, meant death.



The Ego dominates thought, judgment and emotion. He/She never feels equal to another “ego”, so he/she will always jockey for approval, importance, acceptance.



Approval or disapproval does not contain happiness.



Approval today could turn to criticism tomorrow, it is external.

Updated: Mindfulness: A Simple Outline!!!!

Frank Glick took this photo at Fort Snelling National Cemetery. When he recorded the shot, he never could have guessed how much it was going to mean to the widow of the World War II veteran buried there. — Star Tribune
Each step fulfilled leads to the next step. Healing or happiness does not arrive from a calm, a mellow straight line path. Rather, it is a path with set backs, turmoil and stress.



It is a path inhabited with intense terror, enormous anxiety and fear of the unknown.



It is an infinitely simple path, visually, a mundane looking innocent exercise. It unfolds like this:



Awareness (Paying attention, Finding ourselves lost in thought then coming back to now)



Mindfulness (daily focus  on the breath,  No goals, no doubts, no worries)



Acceptance (ok with uncomfortable, awkward, letting go of thought and judgment)



Surrender (no resistance, heart is a butterfly net, catch your fears with your net)



Gratitude (desires in perspective,  we have what we need, look for ways to give others)



Giving (In a loving kindness way, no reward needed, do not write a check, see and talk to those you help)



Freedom (Life expands, the ego has faded for a moment, take calculated risks with a smile)



Happiness (the mind empties, life deepens, expands, opportunity is unlimited)



More happiness hopefully.

Neuroscience combined with the Breath




As I work with trauma people trying to heal, I am reminded how confusing, paralyzing and scary the journey can be.



PTSD feels like an enormous monster, a monster we are extremely vulnerable to. This monster is not external, he/she works from the inside.



We carry our unworthiness, our fear, our trauma inside our mind and inside our body.



The “Ego” we have created is also vulnerable, he/she is never equal to another “Ego”.



He/She craves approval, despises criticism.    He/She is the culprit who ruminates (dissociates) into past danger or future worry.



Our mind is our worst enemy or greatest asset.



Funny but using the breath with our focus, changes brain chemistry, changes our lives.



The mind is so plastic that it can change in a month.



Be smart, combine neuroscience with meditation (the breath) and reap the benefits.

“Phoenix Society for Burn Survivors”: How Understanding the Brain Can Help By Dawn McClelland, PHD, and Chris Gilyard, MA



“Several parts of the brain are important in understanding how the brain and body function during trauma. They include the forebrain (the prefrontal cortex); the limbic system, which is located in the center of the brain; and the brain stem.


When a person experiences a traumatic event, adrenalin rushes through the body and the memory is imprinted into the amygdala, which is part of the limbic system. The amygdala holds the emotional significance of the event (the intensity and impulse of emotion). For example, if you’re on a roller coaster, your sensory information is “fear, speed, stress, excitement, not life threatening.” The amygdala can read the emotional significance of the event: “it’s a ride, it’s fun, you are done in 3 minutes.” The amygdala stores the visual images of trauma as sensory fragments, which means the trauma memory is not stored like a story, but by how our five senses were experiencing the trauma at the time it was occurring. The memories are stored through fragments of visual images, smells, sounds, tastes, or touch.



Consequently, after trauma, the brain can easily be triggered by sensory input, reading normal circumstances as dangerous. For example, a red light is no longer a red light, now it’s a possible spark. A barbecue had been just a barbecue, but now it sounds like an explosion. The sensory fragments are misinterpreted and the brain loses its ability to discriminate between what is threatening and what is normal.



The rational part of our brain is the prefrontal cortex. This is the front part of our brain, where consciousness lives, processing and reasoning occur, and we make meaning of language. When a trauma occurs, people enter into a fight, flight, or freeze state, which can result in the prefrontal cortex shutting down. The brain becomes somewhat disorganized and overwhelmed because of the trauma, while the body goes into a survival mode and shuts down the higher reasoning and language structures of the brain. The result of the metabolic shutdown is a profound imprinted stress response.”

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