Posts Tagged ‘Emotions’

Unfindable Inquiry




The inquiries in this book are based on actual sessions I’ve had with people. Names have been changed, along with some of the circumstances, to protect the privacy of the individuals involved. In the example inquiry in this chapter, Caleb is trying to find the victim he takes himself to be. I’ve done this inquiry with people on just about every identity you can imagine, from father to CEO to worthless self.

I’ve also done the inquiry with people on the basic belief in being a separate self (ego) without putting any additional label on it, like “worthless self.” It works well either way.

I have to say, though, that the inquiry is most potent when you add a label to it. Just as the word “leaf” doesn’t point to any particular kind of leaf in the forest, the word “self” doesn’t point to anything in particular, but when you name a leaf a “maple leaf,” you know exactly what you are trying to find, and when you add a label to the self (such as “the one who isn’t good enough” or “the victim”), you know exactly what you are trying to find—the identity you take yourself to be.

We all have different stories that we take ourselves to be, and it’s helpful to give a particular label to the content of your story. I think the remaining chapters of the book will make this idea clearer.

It may sound funny to say that you cannot find your self when you try to really look for it, but give the inquiry a try. It may surprise you.

Even though it may feel strange to look for something that seems to be obviously there, it is a powerful inquiry. The self that you try to find is empty when you look for it. “Empty” means “unfindable.”

The Unfindable Inquiry can be used on anything, not just a self. I encourage you to look for anything that you feel exists in a separate, objective, inherent way. You can look for any person, place, or thing that feels objective. For example, you could look for “my crappy life,” “cancer,” “death,” “awakening,” “suffering,” “America,” “the dining room table,” or “my friend Barbara.”



Freedom from Addiction



“Are you constantly looking for the next fix, the next high?

Are you always looking for something else, something more?

Does life feel as though it’s missing something?

Does it feel like you can’t find the complete satisfaction you’re seeking, no matter how much you look for it?

…No matter how many drugs you take or drinks you drink?

…No matter how much stuff you buy?

…No matter how much you work?

…No matter how many experiences you have?

…No matter how much love or sex you get?

…No matter how much you gamble or eat?

If you answered yes to any of these, you may be suffering from addiction.

Addiction is the gaping hole in our lives that can never be filled.

Whether it’s a full-blown heroin addiction or an inability to stop scarfing down cookies, addiction has a way of controlling our lives.

It sets us on a course of constant, uncontrollable seeking toward the next moment.”



Christmas brings anxious feelings, memories

Pixabay: wixin_56k



Each year around this time on my blog and in my mindfulness group, some are conflicted.

Holidays bring memories of our family abuse. It is confusing, some decide to go

functions with their abusers present.

An uncle, brother, father or domineering mother could be our abuser.

Some families exert pressure on us to participate at Christmas dinner even though our abuser will be present.

Please, feel no obligation or guilt for their dysfunction.

In my family, looking perfect to the outside world is the holy grail.

For me, I am disowned now.

Yes, I had the audacity to ask them for help.

Denial and excommunication is what I received.

If we need these people we will suffer.

For me, I never needed them.

Holidays still have this eerie, haunting feeling for me.

Now it is much easy to let it all go, then direct my attention to gratitude and giving.



A few Roadblocks we face while healing


From the blog A great resource blog



The first roadblock separates over 90% of people searching for a cure.

Taking daily action, facing our fears while sitting quietly, makes cowards out of us.

Denial or one of the millions of excuses prevents people from risking change. It is a sad fact,

Next for those who start a daily practice, a time arrives when healing begins and these scary, anxious feelings explode.

Our first reflex is to avoid, run or extinguish these feelings. We judge them as bad.

Healing is not comfortable, some of our trauma leaves in a conscious way, exiting violently.

Most people I encounter think they are getting worse, but the opposite is true.

My triggers erupted as they exited my mind and body.

I figured their intensity was proportionate to the violent abuse endured as a child.

This was my experience and what I have witnessed with others healing.

Healing was painful for me, then it became euphoric in a few weeks.

Please, accept the challenge and risk, take action, fight for your wellbeing.

Never give in!

Never give up!



Change: Do you Resist Change?



Change is the one constant we can count on.

We resist change at every turn, like swimming upstream all of our life.

We resist the inevitable and suffer.

Common sense tells us we are totally different at age 5 than 15 and definitely different at 68.

Why do we fear change so much, resist at all costs.

We humans seem to covet control with a vengeance.

It is like we want to know the numbers to the lottery to keep the current status quo.

Whatever our status, we resist any change like change is harmful.

Change is ever present, happening as we try to slow its progress.

Look at the energy we expend to keep the status quo, even when our status sucks.

We choose to suffer a known existence rather than risk change.

Can you tolerate accepting change?

Can you be present, curious about whatever external stimuli is present.

Change happens in this moment, we miss it because we are ruminating in the past or predicting the future.

We miss change when we refuse to stay present.

Change happens naturally for a seasoned meditator.

Change is normal for those who have learned where happiness thrives.



Want to influence the mind to change?



The human mind is complex, inundated by an average of 60,000 thoughts each day, life is confusing.

Add to that mix a created identity (Ego). That “Ego” is like a peacock always wanting to show off that plumage.

Being special, wanting approval impacts the mind.

Something so complex is influenced in a simple way.

Abstract ideas may soar inside our heads, emotionally pleasing, but dedicated action never materializes.

I have found the mind changes when simple, concrete, immediate goals are combined with daily, repetitive practice.

Habits are formed through focused repetive actions.

My meditation practice started with a simple following the breath.

Over and over, until thought cleared, I entered a clarity beyond my “Egos” grasp.

I learned how we focus the mind determines all of life.

How could a poor man ever be happy without the minds help?

How many swings do you think a big league hitter has taken to be so skilled.

A great guitarist has spent a lifetime, repeating chords, over and over.

Elite practice leaves the mind and enters our bodies.

A great concert pianist is not thinking while performing.

A big league hitter has 357 milliseconds to react to a pitched baseball. Cognition takes up to five seconds.

If you are thinking you lose.




Updated: The impact of Childhood PTSD




At 67 I have finally found a calling that interests me.




My childhood abuse stole my life for decades. So much time was spent avoiding, denying, trying to make sense of PTSD’s symptoms.



I felt unworthy, flawed, shamed. I hid by overworking, trying to accomplish things that would give me status, worth.




That external search was misguided and uneventful, the real search was an internal one.




PTSD distorted my sense of myself , hid my strengths in plain sight, covered them in a cloudy anxiety blanket.




I think childhood abuse hides our true nature from ourselves. I had no clue who I was.





When I healed my therapist said your fathers abuse hid your true identity, an extrovert. My life was lived as an introvert until I was in my 50’s. I was quiet, easily shamed or embarrassed in a public setting.




All my emotions were aimed towards the bias of PTSD, making me a stranger to myself.




How could a shamed little boy, beaten and criticized, think he could be normal.



Now at 67, I have the desire to be a healer, a therapist.




First time in my life I know what I want to be.




Better late than never and I can find gratitude in my journey, not regret.




Life is not easy for any of us, challenges are given to every one of us.



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