Posts Tagged ‘Emotions’

A trigger 🔥 fires 🔥 what is our thought process

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A trigger firing brings different emotions, the dominant one is real fear, terror for some, opportunity for a few.

Someone shared that they joined a new mental health group, risking, healing. After a few meetings, her triggers erupted.

She was afraid and thought it was a bad decision. That trigger was a reaction to her taking control of her life.

PTSD is going to resist our efforts to heal, to take back control of our life.

Anxiety, triggers exploding, being afraid is part of the healing path.

Triggers are not to be feared.

They are opportunities to heal.

When PTSD is at its apex of power, violent triggers erupting, it is also at its most vulnerable.

PTSD is a bluff that has the key to our fight or flight mechanism. PTSD has the ability to dump cortisol and adrenaline into our system, preparing for a lethal threat.

We have to know the difference between real danger and PTSD danger.

We breathe, stay focused while this imaginary fear dissipates.

Triggers are the doors to healing.

Become friends with your nervous system, your fight or flight mechanism, your protector.

Anxiety dissipates with extended, focused breaths.

Our breath controls our nervous system.

Our breath is the weapon that when focused intently, can neutralize traumas impact.

We have to keep moving when anxiety makes us cautious.

Takes courage to stay silent, still, focused when chaos wants us to flee in terror.

Meditation sets a collision course with our demons (PTSD).

It is the road to healing.

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Hiding in plain Sight!

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Most people I run across have lost sight of the importance of gratitude and kindness.

We all think we are flawed or we need to change, overcome or cure something to be happy.

Gratitude becomes hidden, buried amongst unfulfilled desires, replaced by Worry, doubt and unworthiness.

Hard to be grateful when we feel loss, hurt, sadness, anger, hate, jealousy or depression.

If we have a disorder like Anxiety, PTSD, depression, bi polar etc., how often do we feel gratitude.

We have a mountain of gratitude, an unlimited amount of kindness available right now.

We search for all these external cures when vast amounts of gratitude and kindness are available right below the surface.

Gratitude for ourselves remains hidden deeper, harder to find.

I know people who shower others with kindness, then ignore giving any praise for themselves.

In fact, many feel unworthy, who shower others with praise and kindness.

How can we be grateful right now?

We have to let all those false judgments about who we are go!

We are present, in this moment, focused and aware, that is enough.

The mind can be trained to focus, to empty itself of ruminating thought and be present in this moment.

All the noise fades into oblivion, and we see what has been in front of us all along, hidden in the confusion of thought and negative emotions.

How will you know if a better way of living is available?

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Unworthy, shamed, flawed (my childhood)

Pixabay

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My child hood trauma made me feel unworthy, shamed, and flawed.

In due time avoidance became my symptom of choice, I tried reducing my fight or flight mechanism from firing and my mind obsessing over the causes of my triggers.

In our confused state, limiting the triggers situations, avoiding life seems the path of least resistance and healing.

That is similar to chasing pleasure and avoiding life’s reality. Both end in more suffering.

Avoiding my triggers, isolated me from life, I thought I would heal the less my triggers exploded.

In due time I feared my thoughts after a trigger more than the trigger itself. It was more painful to experience my mind trying to cognitively understand why trigger thoughts had so much power.

We’re my thoughts real or a mirage. The cortisol and adrenaline released with the firing of my denfense mechanism were real.

The thoughts were bullshit, trauma memories stored in the right amygdala, as implicit memory, unable to be impacted consciously.

Thinking, judging, cognitively manipulating traumas storyline leads to more suffering.

My avoidance led to social anxiety. Complex PTSD, my childhood trauma had manifested its unworthiness as an outcast, unworthy to be alive.

Yes, my PTSD damn near killed me at its apex.

At my low point, I was surprised the resilience that was stored around my core. When my mind was frozen, I found life with aerobic exercise until near exhaustion.

My legs could move even when my mind was frozen. Life is closer to action, sedentary closer to death. We need to move, to battle, to live fully.

Change is hard for an abused kid, life comes at us much to quick.

We are confused about who we are.

Was I the kid who was constantly ridiculed by his male caregiver, shamed or was I normal like other kids.

Surely normal has never been my experience.

I was different, unworthy, beaten, shamed, sentenced to suffering.

Hard for me to recall the gravity of my plight back then since I healed.

The extreme panic and fear are gone.

That means we all can heal, if I can crawl out of that hole, you can also.

My message is that we can heal with persistence and the right tools.

Never give up, never give in.

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Different sides of Us!!!!!!!

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We have many facets, many sides to our emotions, personality, behavior and compartmentalized, protected pieces.

Do we have a good side opposed to a bad side? We sure have choices and opportunity for good and bad behavior.

Are there good emotions and bad ones, well yes.

Do we have good thoughts and bad thoughts? Of course.

Basically we are all perfect at our core, flawed with an ego and physical body.

Our judgments distort the reality of our existence.

Our purpose is to be happy, not popular, rich or extremely powerful.

Our purpose is an internal journey of focus, giving, kindness and gratitude.

Choose to follow your inner guide not external influences.

Some situations I am an extrovert, others an introvert.

Mindfulness has taught me to lose my labels, my biased judgments about myself, others and situations.

My purpose is not to narrate life from a perch or any distance, my opportunity is to live fully in the midst of others.

I have traded in my goals, living freely in the moment gets my energy now.

We control our effort and attitude.

Understand where to direct your attention and life could be a happy one.

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Navigating life with PTSD

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As I shared in the last post, my fight or flight (defense) mechanism does not explode from my triggers anymore.

Yes, this is a great advantage and success for any PTSD sufferer.

What is left are the unworthy thoughts and judgments. My damaged self-image grew from a cruel narcissistic fathers constant criticism of a little boy.

Those fears still exist in a region of my memory. Hard to erase a whole childhood of terror.

My fear of a trigger has been cut dramatically but my trauma thoughts still carry hurt for me.

As I have shared, triggers, unworthy thoughts, high risk PTSD situations are not enjoyable but no lasting damage occurs.

We all have a memory bank of events that reinforce times we felt unworthy with PTSD erupting.

We avoided, denied or froze during these episodes.

One tool that has helped me, I refuse to think about, ruminate about or try to justify what happened during a trigger.

The less we think or judge any thought about our unworthiness is beneficial.

We heal by talking about our trauma with a therapist and only our therapist.

We heal by focusing on now and refusing to ruminate or leave this moment to enter the past or predict the future.

Thinking is our land mind, judging is sentencing us to more suffering in the PTSD world.

Now, I work to take the power from my unworthy thoughts that resist.

It is a journey, our awareness of life minute to minute does not end until we exit this planet.

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Looking back at my journey, some thoughts!

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Years ago “Exposure Therapy” as it was called, brought extreme anxiety to my being. Say your PTSD triggers manifested in fear of being in closed spaces, or in crowded public areas.

Exposure Therapy takes you into these trigger situations. We would go into an enclosed space or enter a crowded gathering. I languished when this therapy was tried on me.

It made me worse, my fear and anxiety levels spiked, my fight or flight mechanism fired 10 times a day.

In due time, a solution appeared, a safe, secure place for exposure therapy.

Meditation provided this safe space to use “Exposure Therapy”.

I could face my fear and anxiety with intense focus and letting go. It was not easy.

I did not walk into a trigger solution as a cocky, bring it on individual, it was more a tip toeing through my mind field. It still felt like danger was there.

Confidence grew with more and more exposure. Becoming intimately familiar with my fears and anxiety made them less fearful, less powerful over time.

My fears lost power gradually. As time passed I was able to physically face my triggers better and better.

What I realized was, to heal it took being humble, accepting, and vulnerable.

It is not a chest pumping experience, rather a humbling journey of exploration and healing.

If you heal you will know more about the real you.

The path to healing and happiness are the same road.

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The trick with happiness

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Happiness seems to come from a well adjusted self and the ability to focus the mind.

More specifically, can we avoid getting drawn into drama, ours or others.

Can we avoid worrying, craving approval, complaining or blaming?

Can we be content?

In trigger situations (trauma drama) can we focus and let go.

Can we be calm and content with who we are, right now, this second.

Most of us think we need to improve, need to accomplish something or cure something before we are whole or capable of being happy.

Happiness does not exist in the future.

The trick is to stay present by letting the noise go and being open to enjoying what is directly in front of you.

It maybe fantastic but probably mundane and boring as we judge life.

The mundane and boring lead to happiness, well inside them if we take time to explore.

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