Posts Tagged ‘Ego’

Attitude

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Think about the attitude, personality and energy we bring to others.

Think about how differently we treat friends and people we do not like or get along with.

We are responsible for how we interact with others.

Can we give up talking about others, gossiping in a harmful manner.

Kindness to others is a boomerang. Are you seen as a friendly, kind person who has a smile and greeting for others?

Build the “Ego” around being a kind, considerate person to others.

Recognize the importance of giving, connected intimately to the core of happiness.

Can we refrain from being right all the time, can we not respond to criticism?

Can we give up being angry about petty things, using that time to be free and focused.

We can practice meditating, building focus, creating a space between stimulus and response.

Others actions should not automatically elicit an emotional response.

We have control of our reactions and behavior.

Can we take a breath, focus, then let go of anger, resentment, jealousy or depression?

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Caring for someone with PTSD can sometimes lead to secondary trauma.

 

Photo by Grace Ciszkowski

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National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine

Caring for someone with PTSD can sometimes lead to secondary trauma.

And researchers at the University of Utah wondered just how bad that secondary trauma could be.

While completing her graduate studies, Catherine Caska Wallace, PhD and her research team studied two groups of male veterans, along with their female partners. In 32 couples, the veterans suffered from PTSD, and in the control group of 33 couples, PTSD wasn’t a factor.

The veterans in both groups had been deployed to Iraq or Afghanistan at least once in the past decade.

After the researchers interviewed the couples to measure PTSD, depression, marital satisfaction, and areas of disagreement, they asked the couples to undergo a brief experiment.

Researchers asked each couple to have a conversation about a current issue on which they strongly disagreed.

Before and after the conversation, researchers took physiological measurements from both partners, including blood pressure and heart rate.

Some of their findings probably weren’t surprising. Both veterans and partners in the PTSD group reported significantly higher emotional stress, measured through disaffection and disharmony. They also reported problems with frequent and intense emotional conflict.

But when they looked at the physiological measurements, researchers found something particularly interesting.

While the couples in the PTSD group showed elevated blood pressure during the conversation relative to controls, the partners of the veterans in particular showed the highest blood pressure – even compared to the veterans themselves.

It’s important to note that this study didn’t use random assignment when selecting its sample, so there’s a limit to how much we can generalize its results.

Although preliminary, this research suggests that PTSD can have far reaching and significant physiological impact even among people who don’t suffer from it.

Of course, the blood pressure finding stood alone in this study. I’d like to see more research that examines other physiological and mental factors with the partners of post-traumatic stress sufferers.

If PTSD really carries significant health risks for the partners of veterans, more attention should be paid to them in future research.”

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Phases of PTSD (my opinion)


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My childhood abuse lay dormant until my 50’s. I knew something was different about the way I felt, however I did not understand the causes of my PTSD.


After PTSD ignites, we enter a phase of discovery and research. Hell, it took me six months to understand the basics of trauma and how abusive my childhood had been.

 

Then we need to figure out a way to heal.


Optimally we have two times to handle the specifics of our trauma. The first is this discovery phase of exploring the cause of PTSD. The second is with a therapist or healer.

 

Trauma needs to be integrated when it surfaces. If your therapist brings up your trauma during a session, triggering you, it is their obligation to integrate this trauma into present moment.

 


Early on my healing journey, I visited an intuitive healer. She would resurrect the details of my childhood and then fail to integrate those triggers. My PTSD grew with this malpractice.

 

After we explore the cause and impact of trauma, handling trauma thoughts is detrimental to our health unless it is integrated.

 

Dissociation saved us during the trauma. When the trauma is over and we understand the cause, dissociation causes suffering.

 

We will never end our suffering, if we entertain trigger thoughts, dissociating into our emotional, irrational ptsd fear.

 

You can go on a PTSD discussion board and witness suffering and little healing. Participants trade specific details of their trauma with others, then judge how they relate to them.

 

This behavior brings a momentary feeling or comfort, followed by suffering, then strengthening of PTSD symptoms.

 

This is the opposite of healing. We heal by not thinking about our trauma.
We heal by refusing to dissociate into the past or future.

 


We heal by focusing, letting go and staying present when triggers explode.
PTSD is an irrational disorder. Common sense is useless in understanding how trauma manifests in our life.

 


My trigger fears were embarrassing for me. I knew there was nothing to fear when people stared at me.


My trauma, my right amygdala did not get my conscious belief. Suffering was out of control when I consciously battled my judgments.


I tried to think my way out of PTSD. Constantly I would analyze the specifics of my dads abuse, consciously  trying to find the door to normalcy.


All that thinking, dissociating landed me in my garage for six months, unable to leave, agoraphobic.


I had avoided my triggers until life narrowed to one room.

 

Healing came with accepting, then not thinking, letting go and staying present.

 

Strength comes with surrender to our fears. Counterintuitive indeed but it is the path to healing and happiness.

 


We have to take action to heal.
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Updated: Visualize your “Ego” as a ventriloquist Dummy

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Think of how our mind is constructed. One of the most complex organs ever found, capable of tremendous achievement or extreme suffering.

 

One of the parts we invent has no origin or real existence. Yes, it is the “Ego”. Search every part of your mind and an ego can not be found.

 

Yes, we invent this “Ego” for identity, I, me, mine! Identity is its purpose. Nothing more.

 

Think of your “Ego” as a ventriloquist dummy. We give that damn puppet power and life, not command of our being.

 

That dummy runs a good part of our life unfortunately.

 

The Dummy is the one who feels resentment, judges constantly, and feels unworthy. The “Ego” is never equal to another “Ego”. He/She judges itself superior or inferior to all “Ego’s” it encounters.

 

Here in lies the rub, we never feel complete when the “Ego” is in control.

 

That means happiness is impossible.

 

One day I was having a conversation with a friend and he said something upsetting. My response to him was, my “Ego” is pissed at you.

 

Finally I had isolated my “Ego’s” needs and emotion in a real encounter. I could see “I” disagreed with my “Ego”. I had a choice for the first time.

 

Just because my “Ego” was pissed meant nothing unless I agreed.

 

Our “Ego” covets total control. This leads to suffering and loss.

 

Is your dummy controlling your life?

 

The “Ego” is dormant during meditation, also the time when our happy emotions, contained in the left prefrontal cortex light up.
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My “Ego” is Stealthy, Adolescent and Manipulative!

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Awareness brings my manipulative “Ego” into focus. I believe some of this is hard-wired from my abusive, critical, and violent childhood. My “Ego” has never felt equal to another “Ego” (yours either).

 

The need for approval, for being appreciated, runs deep in my unworthy inner child. That critic, that resentful little voice, tears at my wellbeing.

 

Take this blog,:  I have to admit, I want relevance, approval for my knowledge, my blog.   Yes, having a 100,000 avid followers would stroke my “ego” and brings a feeling of relevance.   I see this as shallow and impermanent but it has power at times.

 

 

Does having more followers equal happiness?   Ask yourself if 90,000 left one day, how would that feel?  The crowd is very fickle and can turn against you.

 

This attachment makes me vulnerable to external forces, a path to suffering and anxiety.

 

Following this unworthy dialogue backwards, it is a perceived need that leads me to suffer. My “Ego” has felt unworthy, not good enough, almost shameful when PTSD is active. My “Ego” feels threatened as an adolescent at times.


When I meditate and examine this dilemma, approval or criticism is external. Also criticism or approval can change outside my influence. My life suffers when I buy into this belief. It is a mirage!


I am aware when my “Ego” feels insulted or damaged. He wants to retaliate against a perceived threat. He thinks retaliation can change my unworthiness.

 

It is such a subconscious, complex mechanism from childhood abuse. Life activates this difficulty from time to time.


I thought healing, emptying my amygdala of all the stored trauma would last forever. Now I know somethings will always be below the surface, capable of bringing that hell back into my life.

 

Knowing approval, respect or criticism has nothing to do with my wellbeing does not quell its massive need to protect itself.


I have learned to be intensely aware of my “Egos” need to be resentful, childish, reactive and destructive.

 

For some of us, a constant vigil of awareness is needed.
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Fear of failure or the thrill of Victory

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Having grown up with a narcissistic caregiver, the fear of failure motivated me.
Actually the fear of failing my father’s demands would be more accurate.

 

Many of the greatest athletes ever were driven by fear of failure.
Success and stardom never diminished that insecurity.

 

Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig are perfect examples. One was bombastic, gregarious and happy-go-lucky. The other was shy, boring and very quiet.


One demanded the limelight, lived an excessive life of pleasure with food, alcohol and women.


 

The other had no apparent excess or vices,  playing like a man with average talent. Gehrig was called the iron horse, playing in over 2,000 straight games.  An incredible record that was finally broken by Cal Ripken.

 

One was incorrigible, his parents dropped the Babe off at a catholic orphanage. The other graduated from Columbia university.

 


Babe Ruth was questioned about making more money than the president. He commented he had a better year than the president. Lou Gehrig was a superstar but never felt worthy of that title.

 

A mindful athlete enjoys being in the moment, knowing his self-worth is not connected to external wins and losses.  Not an easy path for most mortals.
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Who am “I”. … … … . .He/She is created not real!!!

 

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Who am I?

 

The smallest answer, description for me is, my true self, my soul, my spirit is present with all my emotions at the ready, and few of my judgments.

 


Besides that, the real me, my spirit, my soul is perfect and exists without needing an “Ego”, an “I”.

 


The true self is the seat of power. The “Ego” can not exist on its own. We can easily.

 


My spirit is alert, in the moment, empty, calm, open..
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In my mind, My true self is more gas than solid.

 

My true self is more like air than a wall.

 

My true self is more chameleon, less sycophant.

 

My true self is more abstract than solid.

 

My true self is more big picture much less specific, detailed.

 

My true self is more flexible less rigid.

 

My true self is more resilient less anxious.

 

My true self is more action less avoidance.

 

My true self is more open less judgmental.

 

My true self is more alive less sad, lethargic.

 

 

 

 

The Ego is narrow, rigid, judgmental, adolescent, and “I” ruminate daily.
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