Posts Tagged ‘Dissociation’

How do we deal with Change

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Nothing we can achieve stays the same. The perceived importance of my baseball career is a distant memory of little importance.

When I was young, I saw myself as a pro athlete, my “Egos” assumed identity. Seems such a narrow and rigid description of me now.

That must be wrong, my broken body filled with chronic pain has little athletic talent left.

Who am I, then.

I sure am not the “Ego” I created.

Where do we find purpose after our original creation of “Ego” no longer fits.

If I perceive myself as this or that, does my behavior have to mirror that creation?

Am I a failure if my creation fails to live up to the hype.

Seems I have created a prison of thought for myself.

No worries, we can drop the pretense of importance and just be present.

I am happiest when thought is let go and my senses dominate my consciousness.

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How do we deal with our own deficiencies

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For me, I take things too personally. Letting the other person own their behavior is difficult.

Recently a friend betrayed me, the details are not important.

Somehow my hurt, my “Egos” hurt, dominated my thoughts for a couple of weeks.

Dissociation ruled my mind, my “Ego” wandered into obsessing over why me.

I had created this big hurt inside me, letting an external situation overtake my wellbeing.

Losing center because of another, brought disappointment that I let this happen.

It is a difficult but simple fix, let go and come back to now.

Now judgments have been released, my course direction adjusted, so life goes on.

Hopefully I learn from my mistakes.

My mistakes happen when my “Ego” gets emotional influence.

When I am centered and focused, life is much more free, enjoyable.

For someone with serious abuse in childhood, having the ability to let go, to reach a no thought space grants me a chance at a joyful existence.

Happiness is an internal way of being, living, not an accumulation of achievements, awards, status and possessions.

Hell, we would all want to be politicians if happiness was contained in wealth, status and power.

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A focus exercise

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The breath is the focus object we decide to select.

Our focus object has four parts, an inhale, an exhale and two pauses. We give each one our total focus.

Along with focus on our breath, we observe sounds and body sensations.

Everything we are focusing on requires no thought but intense awareness.

Our focus exercise exerts no action to change anything, observation is what we are tasked with.

When a thought appears, we continue our focus on the breath, then notice the body sensation attached to this current thought.

Our only focus is on the breath and our senses, thoughts fade on their own with input.

Relax, enjoy the wellbeing and discipline this practice brings to our doorstep.

If you want happiness, wellbeing, know your inner world.

Oh, this focus exercise has been labeled “Meditation” by many.

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Secrets to help you Meditate

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When meditating, I exert no influence.

Whatever comes up is observed from a distance.

Anxious Thoughts, judgments, worry and doubt, body sensations, the breath, and our interior world are observed.

Observation takes no action, exerts no pressure on anything, passively leads us to acceptance.

Any strong emotions or judgments fade away without our participation.

Words become powerless, judgments obsolete and resistance useless.

Learning to detach from the “Egos” grasp frees us to heal and improve..

Accepting all of us is not easy, does not happen without daily practice.

We do not try to escape. We are detectives, we are on an undercover stake out of our inner world, our mind.

Next comes Surrender, we picture our heart as a butterfly net and then catch our fears gently with a child’s curiosity.

We are not doing anything to our fears, surrender exerts no pressure, no influence.

Thoughts, judgments and emotions fade quickly with practice.

We learn how to train our mind to stay present, empty of negative thought and emotion.

It was scary as hell at first, I perceived my triggers had power to harm me.

That was an erroneous conclusion.

I was afraid of my own fight or flight mechanism firing, an unfounded fear at best.

PTSD is a bluff, nothing happens after cortisol and adrenaline dissipate, returning us to a normal calm.

You have to practice to reap these benefits.

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Healing has great RISK!

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My mind has tendencies, patterns, old habits that were functional surviving childhood abuse.

 

Meditation/Mindfulness builds Focus, allows me to see my Destructive thought patterns.

 

Awareness always comes first. We can not fix what we can not see or refuse to Recognize.

 

We need to let go of our created storyline of justification, and risk being vulnerable in the present moment.

 

Healing has great RISK!

 

It feels safer not risking, but suffering GROWS.

 

It is our human dilemma.

 

The fact is whether we risk or play it safe and hide, we die the same day, same hour, same minute.

 

There is no Behavior that grants us an extra day, week or year.

 

So Why not risk?

 

It is the most important question impacting your healing.

 

If you are going to heal, risk is part of your journey.

 

Nothing to lose but your suffering.

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Healing is a choice, take daily action or surrender.

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Healing is a choice, take daily action or surrender.

Does that seem like a harsh, uncaring statement?

The real tragedy is not taking action, suffering until we die!

I have come across many people suffering from trauma, anxiety, depression or another mental disorder.

Sadly, only a few realize healing or wellbeing is a choice.

Even fewer accept this challenge and take daily action.

Human nature would rather endure a familiar suffering than risk change, even when change may hold a better life.

I have grappled with trying to inspire them, trying to get them to see their behavior powers their suffering.

My words are the same, why do some take action and improve, while the vast majority continue to suffer without any effort to heal.

Our mind helps inspire our recovery or we suffer with our created storyline of justification.

If we are not tying to heal, we have avoided taking responsibility for our journey.

Healing does not happen from a pill or from some external force.

Healing happens with daily action, persistent effort and lots of courage.

This is the path less traveled.

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“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.” ~ Lao Tzu

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Do you value others approval over self approval?

Childhood abuse, C-PTSD, made me extremely vulnerable, craving approval from others.

That craving took all the time needed for healthy self approval.

Constant criticism and beatings created a void, a damaged “Ego”, needing kindness at all costs.

My “Ego” felt unworthy, not equal to others, I judged myself defective.

The battle to heal or wellbeing is an internal one I found out.

Internal healing, accepting, then surrendering to my fears paved the way to a different existence.

Please learn from my mistakes and journey out of hell.

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