Posts Tagged ‘Dissociation’

Can we Step out of Now into the past by one second?



Presence Volume one: The Art of Peace and Happiness”

“Try to step out of the now.

Try to take a step out of the now into the past by one second.

Can you do it?

Try to step one minute into the future.

Where do you go?

Where could you go?

If we stay close to our experience we find that this now is the only now there ever is.

It is eternally now.

This now is not going anywhere in time.

There is no time present in which it could travel forwards or backwards.

The now is not a moment in time.

It has nothing to do with time.

It is not made out of time-stuff.

What is the now made of?

The now is ever-present, and so it can only be made out of something that is also ever-present.

What in our experience is ever-present?

The mind, the body, the world?

No, only our self!

The now is our self.

We are not present in the now–we are the now.

The now is not a container that holds our self along with everything else.

It is our self, eternal Presence.

What motive is there for our self to avoid the now–not our self, a body or a mind, but our self, aware Presence?

Prior to thought there is no motive in our self.

Even during a motivating thought, the motive is only that thought.

All motives are for thought, never for our self.

Thought alone believes that a motivating thought is a motive for our self, but the self that has a motive is an imagined self.

That imagined self doesn’t have a motive; it is a motive–a movement of resistance or seeking, away from the now into an imaginary past or future.

The true and only self is inherently free of any motive, plan or purpose.

It is that for and out of which all motives, plans and purposes are ultimately made.

We are pure peace and happiness, which know no resistance to the now, nor any desire to replace it.

It takes thought to resist the now and seek to replace it with a better situation of its own imagining.

Prior to that thought there is no motive to leave the now, to seek peace, happiness, love or enlightenment in the future.

So, in order to seek peace, happiness or love in the future we must first forget the true nature of our self in the now, that is, we must forget that these qualities are present here and now in our self.

The search for happiness, which is another name for unhappiness, is simply the forgetting of our self.”



Small, specific, concrete, immediate actions

Pixabay: klimkin



If you desire the mind to engage fully, entice it with Small, specific, concrete, immediate actions.

The mind languishes looking for ways to accomplish future abstract goals.

Abstract goals in the distant future do not connect with daily action.

Change needs concrete, specific and immediate goals.

My Meditation/Mindfulness practice fulfills all of these requirements.

Focus on the breath is the most immediate, concrete action we have as humans.

We can survive days, even weeks without much food or water, but lack of oxygen kills in minutes.

The breathe is our foundation of life, wellbeing and direction.

Following my breathe leads me below the bias of my “Ego”.

My Aware Presence becomes dominant for short periods of clarity and delight.

My life and world views receive proper alignment every time I meditate.

Judgments, negative thoughts and emotions are filtered effortlessly.

Cleaning out the negative noise freed me to enjoy more of life.

Self worth grew, giving expanded, and gratitude filled my soul.

Opportunity is available for all of us.


Worry, Worry, Worry, Worry, Worry, Worry,

Pixabay: cafepampas



We can not fix everything at one time. I believe a laser approach to healing works far better than a shotgun blast.

Working on one specific issue, symptom or habit at a time has benefitted me the most.

Let’s concentrate on Worry!

A little bit of worry, momentary anxiety is not what we are addressing.

If you are a worrier, life is dominated by an over active mind, finding danger in the near future.

Our worrier can spot danger no one else can see or sense.

Worriers create suffering that may somehow happen later.

Worry is predicting future loss. Worry enough and that prediction becomes reality.

First, Worry robs us of any chance of happiness, now.

All my time to invest in myself is lost on negative, emotional noise.

The Worry ship is captained by our “Ego”.

Champion of being upset, outraged, jealous, angry and anxious, our ego never finds another “Ego” equal to it.

When we Worry, the “Ego” is in total control.

The “Ego” is always in control when we venture into the past and future without direction.

If your a worrier, leaving this moment to think is like a beer to an alcoholic or a fix for a drug addict.

Worry seems to have a power to consume an entire life.

How does worry impact your life?



“Disapproval Is Okay With Me”

Pixabay: geralt



I sure have not reached a point where disapproval is enjoyable.




“Complex PTSD: from Surviving to Thriving

“Early in recovery, an esteemed mentor gave me the affirmation “Disapproval is okay with me.”

Codependently, I enthusiastically welcomed his advice that I should practice it until it was true.

Privately I thought “Surely you jest!” I had survived the previous thirty years with a Will Rogers-like mission to prove that “I never met a man I didn’t like.”

I did not yet know that I had unconsciously gravitated to this all-or-none nonsense because I was somewhat desperately trying to seduce everyone I met into liking me in the hope that I could finally feel safe.

As I thought further about this affirmation, I judged it as patently absurd and eminently unachievable.

Yet within a week something ignited in me that really wanted it to become true.

Since it was still a long time before I knew anything about code-pendence, it took almost two decades to make any progress at all.

The importance of learning to handle and accept disapproval faded in and out of my awareness myriad times.

But now as I write thirty years later, I feel it is one of the most important things I have ever learned.

I rest most of the time in receiving so much approval from my friends and intimates that I can usually let in their constructive feedback fairly easily.

As a corollary to this, I rarely care what people think about me who I do not know or who do not know me.

And, of course, this is not a perfect accomplishment.

Continue reading

Enquiring Minds want to know: Duration?

snapped in parking lot where I hike.



Duration, the amount of time we give to an object, subject or thought.

Dissociation, leaving this moment to think about the past or worry about the future, owns the farm, dominates “Duration”.

Depression has ceased in my life for years now.

I will not give a negative thought or a depressed thought any attention.

Depression receives no duration, so it died. It can be resurrected with attention.

If you have complex PTSD or PTSD, the amount of time you spend ruminating in thought (duration) multiplies the power of your symptoms.

The more time spent away from this moment, the more our thoughts, disorders and afflictions seize control.

I have insight now, being able to experience the difference of suffering helplessly with PTSD to enjoying life, even feeling content moments.

For me this is huge.

My father told me I was wrong, not good enough, constantly, it was his coaching (parenting) style.

I knew criticism was coming, so life was never settled, safe or ok.

Something would be wrong, criticism was imminent and I was always worried. Criticism was merged with violence towards me at times.

I have found these underlying feelings in my self talk and self image.

These thoughts get less and less attention.

It is a battle when childhood abuse reaches a certain level.

Fight and have gratitude for your ability to resist, to risk, to live.



Observing the Thinker




Aware Presence, I used to describe this as our true self, is the observer of our mind and body.

Our mind and body changes with age, our Aware Presence stays exactly the same.

Aware Presence only exists in the present moment and is not part of the body or mind.

That means we have no memory of our Aware Presence. The thinker has subsided when our Aware Presence comes forward.

Remember we can observe our thoughts and the thinker.

Our Aware Presence observes this Thinker.

Each time we meditate, our goal is to hook up with this Aware Presence.

Start today, meditate for five focused minutes. Start small and enjoy the journey.

No matter what we carry in our memory banks, the amount of worry we have stressed about or the trauma that haunts us, it has no impact on our Aware Presence.

Let thought go, release guilt and shame, try to be present, without thought.



The Freeze type and dissociative defense




Complex PTSD: From surviving to thriving.

Of all the 4F’s, freeze types seem to have the deepest unconscious belief that people and danger are synonymous. While all 4F types commonly suffer from social anxiety as well, freeze types typically take a great deal more refuge in solitude.

Some freeze types completely give up on relating to others and become extremely isolated. Outside of fantasy, many also give up entirely on the possibility of love.

Right-Brain Dissociation: It is often the scapegoat or the most profoundly abandoned child, “the lost child”, who is forced to habituate to the freeze response. Not allowed to successfully employ fight, flight or fawn responses, the freeze type’s defenses develop around classical or right-brain dissociation.

Dissociation allows the freeze type to disconnect from experiencing his abandonment pain, and protects him from risky social interactions-any of which might trigger feelings of being retraumatized.

If you are a freeze type, you may seek refuge and comfort by dissociating in prolonged bouts of sleep, daydreaming, wishing and right-brain-dominant activities like TV, online browsing and video games.

Freeze types sometimes have or appear to have Attention Deficit Disorder [ADD]. They often master the art of changing the internal channel whenever inner experience becomes uncomfortable.

When they are especially traumatized or triggered, they may exhibit a schizoid-like detachment from ordinary reality. And in worst case scenarios, they can decompensate into a schizophrenic experience like the main character in the book, I Never Promised You a Rose Garden.




%d bloggers like this: