Posts Tagged ‘Dissociation’

Looking back at my journey, some thoughts!



Years ago “Exposure Therapy” as it was called, brought extreme anxiety to my being. Say your PTSD triggers manifested in fear of being in closed spaces, or in crowded public areas.

Exposure Therapy takes you into these trigger situations. We would go into an enclosed space or enter a crowded gathering. I languished when this therapy was tried on me.

It made me worse, my fear and anxiety levels spiked, my fight or flight mechanism fired 10 times a day.

In due time, a solution appeared, a safe, secure place for exposure therapy.

Meditation provided this safe space to use “Exposure Therapy”.

I could face my fear and anxiety with intense focus and letting go. It was not easy.

I did not walk into a trigger solution as a cocky, bring it on individual, it was more a tip toeing through my mind field. It still felt like danger was there.

Confidence grew with more and more exposure. Becoming intimately familiar with my fears and anxiety made them less fearful, less powerful over time.

My fears lost power gradually. As time passed I was able to physically face my triggers better and better.

What I realized was, to heal it took being humble, accepting, and vulnerable.

It is not a chest pumping experience, rather a humbling journey of exploration and healing.

If you heal you will know more about the real you.

The path to healing and happiness are the same road.



Yes I have asked “Why am I so much different?



Why can I do extremely difficult tasks but find simple things that others do with ease, extremely awkward and sometimes painful.

I have healed once, been back in the throes of PTSD, and eventually found my way out again.

After all this, my triggers do not fire my fight or flight mechanism but unworthy thoughts still exist in the farthest reaches of my mind.

Focused and centered, I enter into scary trigger situations before I surrender to avoidance and fear.

I refuse to let trauma fear dictate my behavior.

Call it hard headed, or my dad would win or anything you like, I battle my trauma for control of my life.

It is a challenge I freely accept in its entirety.

Take calculated risks with PTSD, the triggers are a mirage.

Go towards your triggers, get comfortable in awkward situations, test yourself, grow, risk, be alive.

Die battling rather than give up.

Attitude and effort are under our control.

Live a good life, die a good death, refuse to suffer as a victim!

We have all the courage we need!



Small, specific exercises during the day, can become a strong habit in due time.



When we find ourselves distracted, unfocused, mind wandering, use the senses, see, hear, touch, smell, and taste to come back to now.

I use sight first, then sound followed by the aroma of my environment.

Our five senses are ever present, no thought is necessary to become intensely aware of the stimulus they detect.

We observe our senses without judgment.

We are gathering the current data our senses have detected.

I look at where I am, then find an object to focus on.

At times I find perfection in a flower, a tree, rain or nature.

When I hike, my eyes dominate my existence.

If I am out in nature, the need for my “Ego” (Identity) lessons.

The smells are intoxicating.

Quiet down and become an observant sponge.

Listen to subtle calls of the birds, the silence of being out in nature away from the noise of the city.

If this is not possible, sit quietly and focus intently on the breath while letting thoughts clear.

Meditation can take you out in the woods inside your mind.

Escape the craziness of your mind for brief moments, meditate.



The trick with happiness



Happiness seems to come from a well adjusted self and the ability to focus the mind.

More specifically, can we avoid getting drawn into drama, ours or others.

Can we avoid worrying, craving approval, complaining or blaming?

Can we be content?

In trigger situations (trauma drama) can we focus and let go.

Can we be calm and content with who we are, right now, this second.

Most of us think we need to improve, need to accomplish something or cure something before we are whole or capable of being happy.

Happiness does not exist in the future.

The trick is to stay present by letting the noise go and being open to enjoying what is directly in front of you.

It maybe fantastic but probably mundane and boring as we judge life.

The mundane and boring lead to happiness, well inside them if we take time to explore.



Change is most difficult



In this moment, right now I shower myself with kindness.

In this moment, can you tolerate letting go of emotional judgments or any negative thoughts?

We are starting small with only this next moment, not the rest of our lives.

Work on small, specific, concrete changes.

Change can not happen in our past and the future is nothing but speculation based on past events.

Try to be present for the next half hour.

Find out what living in the present feels like.

My meditation practice built my focus, application during the day helped change my mind.

Change does not happen easily, we need to work through the hard times when progress seems to grind to a halt.

We need to overcome mans nature to willingly suffer a familiar pain instead of trying to heal (change).

Takes persistence and courage to face our fears and make changes.



After a focused body scan I add this before we meditate



I say this in group before we meditate in a slow, quiet, calm voice with long pauses.

Now, let ’s Focus on the inner world! Let the external world fade, slow the breath, look inward, feel. Sense, bring awareness inward.

Surround your organs with a healing solution of kindness, a calm, warm feeling. Soothe your liver, kidneys, heart, pancreas, intestines, and lungs. Breathe into the center of them.

Now, let’s focus on the heart.

Feel your heartbeat, feel the blood enter your arteries, flowing to the farthest capillaries, then in a while return through our veins to start another journey.

This heart is our power source, all other systems are dependent on this heart working efficiently.

Have gratitude for its blessing. It is our life source. Let the heart relax, breathe slowly into it. Exhale slowly, bring kindness to your most vital organ.

Now trace the spinal cord, our nervous system from lower back up into the reptilian brain.

Feel the flow of electricity, emotions, blood and neurotransmitters moving up and down the spine.

Feel the signals enter the brain and receive an appropriate response then flow down the spine.

Feel any blockage, any slow of the flow, up and down the spine. Breathe into it.

Each successive, slow breath dissipates more and more anxiety.

Use your breath to slow the mind first, then the nervous system Will follow, quickly.

The breath controls the nervous system.

Relax,,,,,,,,,,,, let go,,,,,,,,,,,,,focus,,,,,,,,,breathe.



Let’s teach kids to Meditate



Emotional regulation, a core benefit of a mindfulness practice would help kids at every level.

The awkwardness of adolescence would be made a little easier with a mindfulness practice.

Being able to have a safe space to let go, breathe, and place things in perspective would benefit kids.

Building focus, building a space between stimulus and response seems a great thing for all.

Maybe we would use less prescription meds on our kids if they had more ways to cope.

I think we should teach kids about happiness, gratitude and giving, also.

I would rather be happy than smart.

Please share your ideas?



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