Posts Tagged ‘Dissociation’

Sunday morning Insights

Pixabay: Larisa-K

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Sufferers of PTSD, depression or other disorders are generally confused and anxious.

Fear mixed with intense anxiety stops the mind from functioning properly.

We sense danger from a perceived lethal threat. We want to escape as quickly as possible, our defense mechanism has complete control.

Unfortunately, going out in public, say to a restaurant, would fire my fight or flight mechanism without my consent.

Somehow these situations linked to my abusive childhood. Our triggers seem to pick their own scenario.

Cognitively I understood no real danger existed, my defense mechanism did not agree.

Healing for me, consisted of sitting calmly, focused on my breath, as my nervous system fired violently.

My focus released the scary thoughts, then concentrated on the connected body sensations. For me, my solar plexus is where my trauma manifested inside the body.

Making friends with the bodies nervous system, intimately knowing (being with) the sensations, integrated my trauma.

Being able to build focus on the breath is body armor for the anxiety disorders.

The breath controls our nervous system and heavily influences our defense mechanism.

Navy Seals are taught to dissipate fear by extending their exhales.

Cortisol and adrenaline can be used for fuel instead of being afraid or triggered.

PTSD has access to the switch firing our fight or flight mechanism, we have final control of our nervous system.

Remember trauma is stored in the right hemisphere, inside our amygdala.

We can not access stored trauma consciously.

Meditation grants us direct access to our stored trauma.

No miracle just current neuroscience.

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Rejection, not an easy pill at any Age!

Pixabay: johnhain

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Human nature desires approval, our “Ego” craves it.

Our “Ego” will justify unethical or risky behavior to earn approval. Just look how we act in a group, behavior we would never attempt on our own, is acted out.

Peer pressure, being accepted by the group meant life or death in mans early days. The reptilian brain has stored memory of the need for security, approval, acceptance by the group.

When the “Ego” encounters rejection, the reaction will be emotional, almost victim like.

It takes a dedicated mindfulness practice, to focus, then let go of the “Egos” siren song of lack.

Rejection dissolves when we meditate. Entering into this moment, focused, empty of thought, connects to our Aware Presence, real life.

A wise man craves inner peace over external praise.

A wise man knows external things are impermanent.

Approval can change to criticism without our input.

Our happiness depends on us, not on any external thing.

Whatever your burden, happiness is a choice.

No one said it was going to be easy. Life is hard, a reality.

Accept the challenge, another one is coming after this one passes.

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How fragile is your “Ego”?

Pixabay: johnhain

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Some of our most accomplished athletes and artists have extremely fragile “Egos”.

Accomplishments, possessions, or status only hide unworthiness, shame and guilt.

Many times fear of loss, embarrassment or ridicule drives us to overachieve.

Overachievement gave my “Ego” cover, a place to hide its shame.

External possessions merely cover up that fragile “Ego” with powerful looking facades. Athletic stardom gave my “Ego” the mirage of looking confident, complete.

Unworthiness must be hidden away. We feel our “Ego” could be annihilated if our unworthiness is exposed publicly.

We live in fear of being discovered as unworthy, down to our core.

The “Ego” craves shiny objects that bring approval.

An “Ego” exposed to childhood trauma feels damaged, broken, not deserving love.

Our “Ego” did not form a healthy attachment with our first caregivers.

This unworthiness is at the core of all our suffering in later life.

This can be repaired later in life, but not without intense work.

Can you detect your “Ego” when he/she is out front?

Any strong emotion or upset summons our personal identity.

Remember we create the “Ego” for identity, not to make any decisions, and definitely not to run our life.

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Dealing with our fight or flight mechanism firing violently!

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PTSD reaches its most terrifying peak when a trigger explodes violently, preparing us for a perceived lethal threat.

So another counterintuitive moment arrives in the face of healing from PTSD. At its peak, the most powerful moment, PTSD is also at its most vulnerable.

PTSD is a bluff. I have never read this from a book or heard it from a therapist, it is my personal experience.

A violently firing PTSD trigger is the greatest opportunity to heal we will ever receive.

PTSD can not play defense.

If we can focus and stay present during a trigger erupting, some integration will occur.

In layman terms PTSD will lose power when we stay present, empty of thought, focused on the breath, or body sensations.

Our thoughts add the fear to our fight or flight mechanism. There is no fear contained inside our defense mechanism.

Fear is created by our negative judgments and trauma memories kept alive by scary thoughts. PTSD is a disorder that thrives in the past then brings constant worry into our future.

PTSD will die if forced to live in the present moment. PTSD needs duration in our consciousness.

PTSD needs rumination, time spent thinking, or judging to fuel this destructive disorder.

PTSD gets worse with time not better. If you want to heal from PTSD, first make friends with your fight or flight mechanism, your nervous system.

Sit quietly, focus, explore your inner world.

PTSD is a bluff, it is our own defense mechanism we run away from.

Follow a trigger through completion.

We are triggered, adrenaline and cortisol are secreted. Loss of fine motor skills, tunnel vision, auditory exclusion, bp, respiration and respiration spike.

Our response happens. We either avoid, deny, try to escape or stay present. After a while, the. neurotransmitters dilute and our body calms down to normal.

That’s correct, nothing has happened to harm us. Our defense mechanism perceived danger, fired to protect us, then receded to a normal state.

We are not damaged. Our defense mechanism works and is ready to protect us in the future.

Then where is the real threat?

It is in our thoughts and fears, a mirage of trauma itself.

Realize nothing happens after a trigger settles down.

That was my dilemma but I ran from every trigger for years until I found a weapon to destroy it.

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Never give up, Never give in, We control only Attitude and Effort!n

Pixabay: geralt

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Growing up in the violence of a critical narcissistic father, my self worth was heavily damaged.

There was no escape, my abuser was a giant, I was helpless, I was a thing to him. He wanted to own me, control me, use me for his gratification as a star athlete.

My father coveted my being, my soul, to fill the void in his life. As a child, I imagined this was how everyone was raised.

You would think this was a life sentence of suffering for that little boy, but you would be wrong. I always knew something was wrong, that immense unworthy feeling never left my side.

My trauma lay dormant until a crisis in my life at age 58, then all hell broke loose.

Finally a therapist diagnosed me with C-PTSD.

I had an opponent, an antagonist to face, an opportunity to heal had arrived.

The ghost that haunted my life came into the light.

Fear had a name, PTSD.

PTSD became my opponent.

Just like the jock I am, a plan of attack was charted and intense daily action was taken.

Being able to let the long term goals alone, allowed me to enter the process more freely.

Attitude and Effort is what I brought everyday to my healing.

I was retired, so healing became my full time job.

Five hours of meditating, couple hours of reading, one hour of aerobic exercise, and constant application filled each day.

I was a professional athlete, so using my strengths seemed logical.

Use your strengths and modify any therapy to fit you.

Never give up, never give in, we control our attitude and effort.

Be positive, be inspired to give all our effort.

Relax, enjoy life, smile, you have done your best.

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Simple and Complex: how does it work

Pixabay: PublicDomainPictures

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The mind is extremely complex, we program it in the simplest of ways.

Bring acute awareness to where you place minute by minute attention. (A simple task)

PTSD is complex (complex PTSD even more complex), healing is simple and repetitive.

Focus on the breath, build your intensity, letting go becomes much easier. (Simple). Refuse to dissociate, this is our daily battlefield.

Work on one thing at a time, a laser approach, not an abstract shotgun blast.

Less effort needed when we use a laser to heal.

As Bruce Lee says, “I do not fear the man who practices 10,000 kicks, I fear the man who practices one kick 10,000 times.”

Explore your inner word, become friends with your nervous system.

Our breath controls the nervous system, our ability to calm down, feel safe and secure, free to enjoy life.

Simple things, like grasping only positive emotions takes no extra time.

Being aware uses no extra time or effort.

Accepting takes as much time as judging or grasping.

Why choose to suffer?

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life includes the whole show, the light and the dark, part one, 1,

The China Resources Headquarters in Shenzhen by Chinese photographer Su Zhewei.

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“Nothing to Grasp” by Joan Tollifson

What does seem to have changed is that there has been a falling away of the thought-sense that I am a separate person in charge of “my life” who is going to eventually perfect myself or the world.

There is the realization that life includes the whole show, the light and the dark, that none of it is personal, that all of it is happening effortlessly by itself in the only way possible, and that none of it has any solidity or permanence.

There is also clarity about what the unnecessary exertion is that gives rise to so much of our human suffering and confusion, how we make ourselves miserable.

As this has clarified, there has been a decrease in gullibility when the siren song of delusion appears.

When I find myself thinking that something is lacking or that the fix is “out there” somewhere, there is a greater ability to relax into Here/ Now, the place I have never really left.

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