Posts Tagged ‘Dissociation’

Late, trying to get done as quickly as possible.

 

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I was rushing, doing the laundry, trying to get done as quickly as possible.


A big bell went off in my head. Slow down, become aware, focus!


I became aware of the judgments, maybe subconscious that led to this behavior.

 

Apparently, I did not want to fold clothes and put them away. Let me preface this account with my living situation, I live with my daughter and three grandkids 6, 8, 11. (Lots of laundry)

 

Yes, it has always been a mundane chore. I was judging this as a chore, an unpleasant chore.


I knew better. My mind had dissociated into memory and future planning. In this mindset, laundry was unpleasant.

 

This created a man-made dilemma, time, being late. We lose focus when we are late, stress builds and awareness evaporates.

 

My life was not being lived fully doing the laundry. A minor thing unless this dissociation runs into the rest of my life.

 

If we checked out of all mundane situations, life would lose any chance for happiness.

 

I know happiness is entering our mundane parts everyday.

 

There must be more inside these moments that we miss daily.

 

This path to happiness is very subtle, seemily underneath simple situations.


Our challenge is to find ways that simple, mundane situations become enjoyable and important.

 

Purpose, I think!

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Doctors eye deep brain stimulation to treat opioid addiction

 


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Associated Press:

Patient Number One is a thin man, with a scabby face and bouncy knees. His head, shaved in preparation for surgery, is wrapped in a clean, white cloth.

 

Years of drug use cost him his wife, his money and his self-respect, before landing him in this drab yellow room at a Shanghai hospital, facing the surgeon who in 72 hours will drill two small holes in his skull and feed electrodes deep into his brain.

 

The hope is that technology will extinguish his addiction, quite literally, with the flip of a switch.

 

The treatment — deep brain stimulation — has long been used for movement disorders like Parkinson’s. Now, the first clinical trial of DBS for methamphetamine addiction is being conducted at Shanghai’s Ruijin Hospital, along with parallel trials for opioid addiction. And this troubled man is the very first patient.

 


The surgery involves implanting a device that acts as a kind of pacemaker for the brain, electrically stimulating targeted areas. While Western attempts to push forward with human trials of DBS for addiction have foundered, China is emerging as a hub for this research.

 

Scientists in Europe have struggled to recruit patients for their DBS addiction studies, and complex ethical, social and scientific questions have made it hard to push forward with this kind of work in the United States, where the devices can cost $100,000 to implant.

 

China has a long, if troubled, history of brain surgery for drug addiction. Even today, China’s punitive anti-drug laws can force people into years of compulsory treatment, including “rehabilitation” through labor. It has a large patient population, government funding and ambitious medical device companies ready to pay for DBS research.

 

There are eight registered DBS clinical trials for drug addiction being conducted in the world, according to a U.S. National Institutes of Health database. Six are in China.

 

But the suffering wrought by the opioid epidemic may be changing the risk-reward calculus for doctors and regulators in the United States. Now, the experimental surgery Patient Number One is about to undergo is coming to America. In February, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration greenlighted a clinical trial in West Virginia of DBS for opioid addiction.

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HUMAN EXPERIMENTS

 

Patient Number One insisted that only his surname, Yan, be published; he fears losing his job if he is identified.

 

He said doctors told him the surgery wasn’t risky. “But I still get nervous,” he said. “It’s my first time to go on the operating table.”

 

Three of Yan’s friends introduced him to meth in a hotel room shortly after the birth of his son in 2011. They told him: Just do it once, you’ve had your kid, you won’t have problems.

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Thoughts and emotions, Which comes first?

 

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In my mind, emotions attach to thoughts. Certain thoughts manifest with the same emotion every time they enter our consciousness.

 

Feeling helpless in a dangerous situation, imprints this trauma with these same emotions.


PTSD triggers can activate our fight or flight mechanism, dumping cortisol and adrenaline into our blood stream, intensifying the already scary emotions.

 

We think we are in real danger. The mind is in panic mode as emotional fear freezes us. We may try to fight our triggers fears the first couple of firings, however in due time, we freeze to the constant eruption of cortisol and panic.

 

What can we do?

 

Understand emotions are fleeting, ephemeral and transparent.

 

That means emotions come and go, over and over again. They arrive, stay a while then exit.  They are like ghosts, coming and going on their own.  

 

Count how many emotions you experience in an hour.

 

We all have the same amount of emotions. An emotion definitely does not define any of us.

 

Buddhist have no words for emotions, being present and aware is more important.

 

So we need to experience our emotions fully then release them.

 

We try to make good feelings or happiness last and bad feeling end.

 

 

That engages us in a tug of war we always lose.

 

 

Our greatest strength is our ability to experience these emotions then let them go.

 

We are not engaging cognitively or emotionally, we are focusing on the breath, exploring the body sensations with curiosity.

 

What fires together wires together. Where we place our attention thrives, where we withdraw our attention, whither and dies.

 

Know your emotions do not impact your thoughts. Discount your thoughts and emotions attached to them.

 

Why wrestle with past thought when life is passing us by.

 


Trade thought and emotion for the only place happiness thrives, now.

 

 

Observe from a distance, see the big picture.
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Phases of PTSD (my opinion)


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My childhood abuse lay dormant until my 50’s. I knew something was different about the way I felt, however I did not understand the causes of my PTSD.


After PTSD ignites, we enter a phase of discovery and research. Hell, it took me six months to understand the basics of trauma and how abusive my childhood had been.

 

Then we need to figure out a way to heal.


Optimally we have two times to handle the specifics of our trauma. The first is this discovery phase of exploring the cause of PTSD. The second is with a therapist or healer.

 

Trauma needs to be integrated when it surfaces. If your therapist brings up your trauma during a session, triggering you, it is their obligation to integrate this trauma into present moment.

 


Early on my healing journey, I visited an intuitive healer. She would resurrect the details of my childhood and then fail to integrate those triggers. My PTSD grew with this malpractice.

 

After we explore the cause and impact of trauma, handling trauma thoughts is detrimental to our health unless it is integrated.

 

Dissociation saved us during the trauma. When the trauma is over and we understand the cause, dissociation causes suffering.

 

We will never end our suffering, if we entertain trigger thoughts, dissociating into our emotional, irrational ptsd fear.

 

You can go on a PTSD discussion board and witness suffering and little healing. Participants trade specific details of their trauma with others, then judge how they relate to them.

 

This behavior brings a momentary feeling or comfort, followed by suffering, then strengthening of PTSD symptoms.

 

This is the opposite of healing. We heal by not thinking about our trauma.
We heal by refusing to dissociate into the past or future.

 


We heal by focusing, letting go and staying present when triggers explode.
PTSD is an irrational disorder. Common sense is useless in understanding how trauma manifests in our life.

 


My trigger fears were embarrassing for me. I knew there was nothing to fear when people stared at me.


My trauma, my right amygdala did not get my conscious belief. Suffering was out of control when I consciously battled my judgments.


I tried to think my way out of PTSD. Constantly I would analyze the specifics of my dads abuse, consciously  trying to find the door to normalcy.


All that thinking, dissociating landed me in my garage for six months, unable to leave, agoraphobic.


I had avoided my triggers until life narrowed to one room.

 

Healing came with accepting, then not thinking, letting go and staying present.

 

Strength comes with surrender to our fears. Counterintuitive indeed but it is the path to healing and happiness.

 


We have to take action to heal.
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I started a kindness practice

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My visual dates back to the original Star Trek, specifically how they were transported, beamed to and from planets.


That sparkly stuff (astral energy) surrounding them, I envision as kindness.

 

When I meditate, I surround myself with a blanket of kindness.


Compliments, approval, praise and acceptance join kindness in this soothing space.


Being completely kind to ourselves allows us to lead with kindness towards others.


My focus looks for ways to be kind, gentle with myself and others.


If I find myself ruminating, that is lost in thought, my attention switches to kindness.

 

I am actively choosing where to place my attention.

 

What fires together wires together.

 

Where we withdraw attention whithers, where we place our attention gains power.

 

This should be interesting, self soothing is not a familiar action for me.

 


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Another look at Worry


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Worry seems to have its own engine, a way of entering our consciousness without an invitation. It seems to be one of the function of our mind, everyone has worried, some incessantly.


When we worry the mind is engaged cognitively in the past and future, it’s speed increases. Awareness of reality, of this present moment, disappears when the mind speeds up.


Fear enters our consciousness with the possible consequences of our worry. Mental confusion makes it difficult to move, to take action, to let go of this created problem (Worry).

 

Worry seems to be a battle between the what if’s in life and living freely.  Worry in a way is a prediction of future doom created inside our doubts and fears.

 

So for me, my first task when confronting worry, is to slow my mind. I slow my breath, try to slow my heart and focus intently below the thoughts and emotions.

 

I know when my mind is racing, trouble is coming.


We always have our practice to slow us down and bring us back to now.


Worry does not exist with a mind that is present, empty and focused on the senses.

 

Worry will still visit but the stay will be shorter.
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I have to get out of my head!!!!!!

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I have a tendency, like everyone, to over think , to be up inside my head, constantly.

 

If I am in my head, I enter into the past and future.

 

This space brings trouble for me, suffering in fact.


Relief arrives when I enter my heart space, away from my “Ego”, away from cognition.

 

That is an ever-present space, observing the present moment, using intuition as my navigation guide.

 


Let thought go, be gracious and look for opportunities to give.
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