Posts Tagged ‘C-PTSD’

Mindfulness versus Ego: an oldie I like




The ego grasps identity, needs approval, achievement, a sense of superiority.

Mindfulness is about letting go, bringing perspective to desires.

The ego is rigid and narrow, mindful flexible and expansive.


The ego is created, mindful just is.

The ego feels isolated, better or worse not equal, the mindful totally connected to one another and things.


The ego always needs, the mindful, fulfilled with life exactly like it is.

The ego judges, the mindful accepts.

The ego avoids, the mindful stays even when vulnerable.

The ego has goals, the mindful a journey.

The ego restricts growth, the mindful unlimited opportunity.

The ego feels unworthy, the mindful complete.

The ego races, the mindful enjoys, slows.

The ego affiliates with anger, hate, resentment, the mindful has perspective and balance when expressing emotions.

The ego is lonely, the mindful at peace.

The ego is sad, the mindful happy.

Meditation brings awareness to the senses.

First we focus on the breath, slowing the pace, elongating the cycle gently. Next we start to extend the exhales, calming the nervous system intentionally.


Relax, no right or wrong, good or bad where we are headed.


We listen for the softest sound in the room. We then go below that decibel level, listening for the sound of our inhales and exhales.


We feel our interior world for body sensations, irritations, spasms, tightness, pain, and any other insight. Bring the breath to these areas and relax. Be curious about exploring your inner world.


Next we investigate what we see with our eyes closed. It could be dark, a grey fuzz, vibrant colors or something in between. Some people experience light shows, mine is a grey pattern.


If you are sitting in a chair, feel your soles connect with the floor and your butt grounded in the seat. Feel gravity weigh your calm body downward.


Some people light their favorite incense when they sit. Notice the smells in the room. Certain aromas help calm us for our journey.


All of our senses require no thought and are ever present. Intense awareness of the senses brings us back to now.


Enjoy the time you have taken to be kind to yourself.


Observe the senses intimately without judgment or cognitive input.



Start slow and enjoy the awakening.

Filter the noise


Raise your words, not voice.

It is rain that grows flowers,

not thunder.”
~ Rumi ~
My two cents: The richness of life flows underneath the surface of thought, ego and the noise.



The noise is worry and doubt.



Go below the thunder, explore your inner being.



Slow your mind, listen intently, focus your whole being on your breath.



4 Effective Strategies To Take Control of a Strong Emotion By Jonice Webb PhD










These are only a few of the feelings that have a special ability to grow very intense, virtually incapacitating you.

Whether you wake up in the morning feeling it, lie awake unable to fall asleep because of it, can’t make a decision due to it, or stay in constant motion to avoid it, any one of these feelings, when intense enough, can temporarily rule your life.

As often as I say that your feelings are your friends, I also must acknowledge that they can become your worst enemies. And many fine people are set up to have this happen to them more than should be. They are set up by growing up in families which ignore or minimize, or simply do not talk about, feelings. I call this common childhood experience Childhood Emotional Neglect.

When you grow up in a family that does not openly address feelings, you do not learn how to manage and use your feelings the way they are meant to be used. As an adult, you will then be prone to becoming either numb or periodically overwhelmed or immobilized by powerful feelings or, as happens for many, both.

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Thoughts and emotions, Which comes first?


In my mind, emotions attach to thoughts. Certain thoughts manifest with the same emotion every time they enter our consciousness.


Feeling helpless in a dangerous situation, imprints this trauma with these same emotions.

PTSD triggers can activate our fight or flight mechanism, dumping cortisol and adrenaline into our blood stream, intensifying the already scary emotions.


We think we are in real danger. The mind is in panic mode as emotional fear freezes us. We may try to fight our triggers fears the first couple of firings, however in due time, we freeze to the constant eruption of cortisol and panic.


What can we do?


Understand emotions are fleeting, ephemeral and transparent.


That means emotions come and go, over and over again. They arrive, stay a while then exit.  They are like ghosts, coming and going on their own.  


Count how many emotions you experience in an hour.


We all have the same amount of emotions. An emotion definitely does not define any of us.


Buddhist have no words for emotions, being present and aware is more important.


So we need to experience our emotions fully then release them.


We try to make good feelings or happiness last and bad feeling end.



That engages us in a tug of war we always lose.



Our greatest strength is our ability to experience these emotions then let them go.


We are not engaging cognitively or emotionally, we are focusing on the breath, exploring the body sensations with curiosity.


What fires together wires together. Where we place our attention thrives, where we withdraw our attention, whither and dies.


Know your emotions do not impact your thoughts. Discount your thoughts and emotions attached to them.


Why wrestle with past thought when life is passing us by.


Trade thought and emotion for the only place happiness thrives, now.



Observe from a distance, see the big picture.

Are thoughts real, accurate or maybe noise

Where do thoughts originate? Neuroscientists say 60,000 cross our path everyday on average. That is more than one every second.


60 thoughts every minute. Not one of those thoughts will lead you to happiness or healing. Spend your time handling these thoughts and you will waste your entire life.


Suffering will be your companion on this journey.

Those who suffer value these thoughts and give them power.

Attention and belief powers them inside our minds.

Sounds so simple to say let go and stay present.


These words mean nothing, it is the action of doing that frees us.

Meditation/Mindfulness is not an intellectual property. You can not read a book, take a class or think your way to healing or happiness.

Meditation/Mindfulness has to be practiced. You have to sit quietly with your mind and observe, let go and trust.


It sounds extremely simple.


It is not!

25 Characteristics of Narcissistic Parents and Dysfunctional Families (Part 1) By Darius Cikanavicius, Author, Certified Coach




The characteristics and behaviors listed below are not only observed in toxic families but can be seen outside of it, as general narcissistic and otherwise dark personality traits.

1. Immaturity


A dysfunctional parent tends to be very immature. They may throw temper tantrums, act overly hurt, demand attention at all times and at any cost, or expect for everybody to treat them like a king or queen.


2. Parental selfishness

In a healthy family, the parent is there in order to meet their child’s needs. It’s the opposite in a dysfunctional family: the child exists to meet the parents’ and other people’s needs.


3. Aggression/abuse

Whether it’s physical, verbal, emotional, psychological, active, passive, or vicarious aggression, abuse is prevalent in any highly dysfunctional or narcissistic relationship.


4. Fake apologies

Highly narcissistic people don’t usually apologize for anything. But if they do, then it’s as fake as they are. “Sorry that you feel upset,” “Sorry, but…” and so on.

And if you don’t accept their artificial apology or challenge them on it, they become enraged: “I already apologized, what else do you want from me!?” Or play the victim: “Why are you trying to hurt me like this?”


5. Playing the victim

A highly narcissistic parent is known for playing the victim and twisting the story to meet their narrative. (You can read a separate article of mine exactly on that, titled How Narcissists Play the Victim and Twist the Story.)

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