Posts Tagged ‘C-PTSD’

Overwhelmed?

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Upon awakening this morning, I felt overwhelmed, anxious, and vulnerable.


Following these feelings and emotions backward, worry, doubt and fear were present.


These judgments projected danger for me. Complex PTSD highlights dangers that it creates.

My mind seemed confused, wanting to avoid or eliminate my predicament.

 

You could label this catastrophizing, predicting gloom and doom. It stems from my abuse, my critical upbringing. Never safe, never calm.


What can we do?

 

A couple deep breaths, intently focusing on this moment, cleared this cognitive mess.

 

I am fine taking this breath, collecting data from all my senses intently.

 

Awareness returns to this moment.

 

Reminding myself, life is not lived predicting anything in the future. 

 

Remember, happiness visits only one time zone, now.

 

You can not be happy in the past or future.

 

My healing has not eliminated these overwhelming thoughts,  but I do have tools to handle these fears.
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Fear of failure or the thrill of Victory

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Having grown up with a narcissistic caregiver, the fear of failure motivated me.
Actually the fear of failing my father’s demands would be more accurate.

 

Many of the greatest athletes ever were driven by fear of failure.
Success and stardom never diminished that insecurity.

 

Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig are perfect examples. One was bombastic, gregarious and happy-go-lucky. The other was shy, boring and very quiet.


One demanded the limelight, lived an excessive life of pleasure with food, alcohol and women.


 

The other had no apparent excess or vices,  playing like a man with average talent. Gehrig was called the iron horse, playing in over 2,000 straight games.  An incredible record that was finally broken by Cal Ripken.

 

One was incorrigible, his parents dropped the Babe off at a catholic orphanage. The other graduated from Columbia university.

 


Babe Ruth was questioned about making more money than the president. He commented he had a better year than the president. Lou Gehrig was a superstar but never felt worthy of that title.

 

A mindful athlete enjoys being in the moment, knowing his self-worth is not connected to external wins and losses.  Not an easy path for most mortals.
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Be natural and spacious as possible.

 
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Above all, be at ease, be as natural and spacious as possible.

Slip quietly out of the noose of your habitual anxious self, release all grasping, and relax into your true nature.

Think of your ordinary emotional, thought-ridden self as a block of ice or a slab of butter left out in the sun.

If you are feeling hard and cold, let this aggression melt away in the sunlight of your meditation.

Let peace work on you and enable you to gather your scattered mind into the mindfulness of Calm Abiding, and awaken in you the awareness and insight of Clear Seeing.

And you will find all your negativity disarmed, your aggression dissolved, and your confusion evaporating slowly like mist into the vast and stainless sky of your absolute nature.

– Sogyal Rinpoche
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the journey to discover your true nature,

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The gift of learning to meditate is the greatest gift you can give yourself in this life.

 


For it is only through meditation that you can undertake the journey to discover your true nature, and so find the stability and confidence you will need to live, and die, well.

 


Meditation is the road to enlightenment …

 

Quietly sitting,


body still,


speech silent,


mind at peace,


let your thoughts and emotions,


whatever arises,


come and go,


without clinging to anything.

 

– Sogyal Rinpoche
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Acceptance, a constant challenge

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We need to accept everything about ourselves right now, right here. This is a constant battle or challenge for us.

 

Just contemplate that for a second, depression and anxiety would never get a foothold.

 

Our created “Ego” (I, me, mine) is the one who worries, doubts, feels guilty or unworthy.

 

In this moment, right now, where ever we are, that is all that exists.


Yesterday in group, I shared that thought. Even as mundane as it seemed, sitting around a table meditating, was all that existed on this earth for the group.

 

If you believed that, there would no reason to be depressed.

 

Jealousy, envy, resentment, anger or revenge would die a quick death.


The mind is extremely complex but trained or programmed in the simplest of actions.

 

Focused on the breath, we are ever-present and aware, empty of thought.

 

The mind works best going slow, empty of thought, focused intently, an excellent observer.
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Attachments: Matthew Ricard: “Happiness”

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Aversion is the negative side of attachment; we may have aversion to failure, loss, instability, or discomfort; and we usually believe that if the things toward which we feel aversion happen, we’ll surely be unhappy.

 

It can’t be emphasized enough that to experience genuine happiness we first have to recognize what blocks it.

 

This includes seeing our attachments, the things we believe will bring us happiness, but which actually do just the opposite.

 

We will continue to pursue the conditioned strategies of behavior that we hope will bring us happiness as long as we believe they are working.

 

And because they sometimes do bring us some degree of personal happiness, these behaviors can get reinforced for a long time.

 

That’s how people get caught on the treadmill of their attachments and routines for a lifetime without making any effort to change.

 

Paradoxically, we’re actually fortunate if life occasionally serves us a big dose of disappointment, because it forces us to question whether our attachments and strategies really serve us.

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Making new positive experiences

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Recognize that we are perfect at our core, our soul, our true self. The one permanent condition we all share.

 

Accept our physical bodies and the ego we create, are flawed and change as time passes.

 

We all are worthy, deserving of wellbeing and happiness.

 


In this moment, right now, I approve of all of me.

 

Never say a negative thing about yourself, never entertain an unworthy thought.

 

Become your own best friend!

 

Practice, practice, practice!
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