Posts Tagged ‘C-PTSD’

Positive Thinking

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“Excerpt from The Way Within”

“Positive thinking makes changes to the ‘me’, but the ‘me’ is an illusion. ‘Me’ is just an old story you have been telling the world about who you are.”

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My two cents: We reframe negative thoughts about I, me, mine to positive thoughts about I, me, mine.

Meditation/Mindfulness prefers to be present without needing positive thoughts about “I” to be happy.

A mindfulness practice does not require positive thoughts as a crutch.

The happiest monks waste little time cultivating positive thoughts to find happiness.

Their time is focused on being present, aware and content.

Happiness is not found in thought.

Do you believe this?

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Trauma, PTSD traveled everywhere with me

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It took an agonizing long time for me to heal. I did not have clear direction or the right tools.

As most sufferers, I tried to avoid being triggered at all costs. That strategy ended with me agoraphobic, locked in my garage for six months.

To my amazement, my triggers still fired inside my dark garage. Trauma had followed me.

I could not run from my mind, there was nowhere to hide.

PTSD was an invisible prison, no one else could see the bars, but my life narrowed.

Healing has nothing to do with avoiding, hiding or dissociating.

My salvation came when I realized the power of focusing on my breath.

My breath was always present with my mind.

To my amazement, my breath controlled my nervous system.

Without therapy I could calm my fight or flight mechanism, dissipate cortisol and adrenaline.

Going from terrified, anxious and panicked to calm and secure was a miracle, I thought.

It is free and always available, like your trauma symptoms.

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Affirmations, adapt one for yourself

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I strive to love all of me every day and often.

I am perfect. My feelings and emotions are impermanent, weak and fleeting – without real power.

My true self is the only permanent thing about me.

I am striving to live each minute in the present, bringing awareness to my mind.

My inner self guides me and is always present in this moment.

Everything fades, clearing this moment for opportunity to fully blossom.

My true self is the power of my organism and I bring stillness everyday to my quiet mind.

I try my best everyday with calm, experiencing life as a miracle.

Thoughts are delusions, powerless next to my true self.

Living in the moment solves all things, permitting them to exist on their own.

I am responsible for me, period. Others are responsible for their actions without my involvement.

In this moment right now, I surround myself with a blanket of kindness, I shower myself with approval.

Share yours please.

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How do we deal with Change

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Nothing we can achieve stays the same. The perceived importance of my baseball career is a distant memory of little importance.

When I was young, I saw myself as a pro athlete, my “Egos” assumed identity. Seems such a narrow and rigid description of me now.

That must be wrong, my broken body filled with chronic pain has little athletic talent left.

Who am I, then.

I sure am not the “Ego” I created.

Where do we find purpose after our original creation of “Ego” no longer fits.

If I perceive myself as this or that, does my behavior have to mirror that creation?

Am I a failure if my creation fails to live up to the hype.

Seems I have created a prison of thought for myself.

No worries, we can drop the pretense of importance and just be present.

I am happiest when thought is let go and my senses dominate my consciousness.

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A focus exercise

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The breath is the focus object we decide to select.

Our focus object has four parts, an inhale, an exhale and two pauses. We give each one our total focus.

Along with focus on our breath, we observe sounds and body sensations.

Everything we are focusing on requires no thought but intense awareness.

Our focus exercise exerts no action to change anything, observation is what we are tasked with.

When a thought appears, we continue our focus on the breath, then notice the body sensation attached to this current thought.

Our only focus is on the breath and our senses, thoughts fade on their own with input.

Relax, enjoy the wellbeing and discipline this practice brings to our doorstep.

If you want happiness, wellbeing, know your inner world.

Oh, this focus exercise has been labeled “Meditation” by many.

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Secrets to help you Meditate

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When meditating, I exert no influence.

Whatever comes up is observed from a distance.

Anxious Thoughts, judgments, worry and doubt, body sensations, the breath, and our interior world are observed.

Observation takes no action, exerts no pressure on anything, passively leads us to acceptance.

Any strong emotions or judgments fade away without our participation.

Words become powerless, judgments obsolete and resistance useless.

Learning to detach from the “Egos” grasp frees us to heal and improve..

Accepting all of us is not easy, does not happen without daily practice.

We do not try to escape. We are detectives, we are on an undercover stake out of our inner world, our mind.

Next comes Surrender, we picture our heart as a butterfly net and then catch our fears gently with a child’s curiosity.

We are not doing anything to our fears, surrender exerts no pressure, no influence.

Thoughts, judgments and emotions fade quickly with practice.

We learn how to train our mind to stay present, empty of negative thought and emotion.

It was scary as hell at first, I perceived my triggers had power to harm me.

That was an erroneous conclusion.

I was afraid of my own fight or flight mechanism firing, an unfounded fear at best.

PTSD is a bluff, nothing happens after cortisol and adrenaline dissipate, returning us to a normal calm.

You have to practice to reap these benefits.

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“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.” ~ Lao Tzu

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Do you value others approval over self approval?

Childhood abuse, C-PTSD, made me extremely vulnerable, craving approval from others.

That craving took all the time needed for healthy self approval.

Constant criticism and beatings created a void, a damaged “Ego”, needing kindness at all costs.

My “Ego” felt unworthy, not equal to others, I judged myself defective.

The battle to heal or wellbeing is an internal one I found out.

Internal healing, accepting, then surrendering to my fears paved the way to a different existence.

Please learn from my mistakes and journey out of hell.

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