Posts Tagged ‘C-PTSD’

Part one, healing from PTSD, my plan

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Healing has so many avenues, so many different therapies, so many confusing symptoms, ideas and mind functions, that navigating toward the best solution seems daunting. I have faced this dilemma, wasted my time, got lost, using the hit and miss method.

Each therapist will have a different way, depending on their schooling, life experience, personal beliefs and successes. Nothing is standardized except maybe the DSM manual for insurance purposes. No statistics can I find, that say this works better, or this combination is best. There is no effort to even educate what we can do, to just be mentally healthy.

I have tried EFT, TFT, EMDR, hypnosis, cranial sacral, acupuncture, CBT, ACT, EDIT, holistic, two intuitives etc. Everyone except a proctologist and maybe that would have helped. Maybe I should have tried a comedian.

My long journey educated me on what works, what is available and all the gaps facing us. When you discover that you have PTSD, it can be months of trying to figure out what it is and what to do. The symptoms can keep us from seeking help.

This is how my specific program developed, as I was healing, and then as I was obsessed with finding a better way out. My evaluation included the latest brain science, the cutting edge therapies, the exploration of survivor traits, the mindfulness (meditation) connection, the lack of focus on the body (exercise), the absence of daily support, and the never mentioned urgency that was missing entirely.

My goal was to assemble just the needed parts, the basics, the bare minimal action needed and eliminate the rest. Streamlining the journey, let me place all my energy in a small area. This was the secret to collapsing traumas grasp.

So here goes with my simple plan. Let me preface with a few major ideas we will adopt going forward. Failure is impossible. We are responsible for one thing, our total effort. Results are far beyond our control and miles above our pay grade. We have plenty to stop worrying about without adding thoughts about past things.

From Rick Hanson in his game changing book Buddhas Brain, he proves we construct the ego out of random past memories, woven into a believable narrative. The question of “Who am I” has no subject. We make the person so we have identity, not to serve him/her. The ego is not who we are. The ego in comparison to the mind is similar to a golf ball floating in a swimming pool. We are perfect without anyones approval or disapproval. Words, thoughts or ideas, even actions do not change this fact. Our self worth is untouchable, we are perfect all of us.

The power of our organism is the true self. Thoughts do not have any power. The adrenal stress response or the fight or flight mechanism supplies the drugs that we feel exploding. The large jolt that rocks our world from time to time is cortisol mixed with adrenaline, a pain killer and increased respiratory, BP heart rate escalations of defense or offenses. No defenses for us, we avoid and dissociate not attack.

Okay, here we go. First, let us correct our self talk. I did not realize the power this has. Alex, would have this small little snide put down of himself, when he would leave. Finally, he agreed to drop that negative hit on himself. It was immediate, the next day, something had shifted. For the first time, the whole mind body had all the oars in the water, as a complete unit. He stopped going sideways and his practice blossomed from there.

Daily short recitals of positive supportive affirmations felt strange, uncomfortable for me. I did not believe these glowing things about myself. I felt like an ass doing this, but healing was a million times the desire for me, so I recorded mine. It was easier to play them back. In time, I somehow started to believe some of those damn things. I was amazed. That computer left brain could be programmed, maybe it feels awkward but undeniable it had worked. Within a month, my self image turned more and more positive.

I strive with my entire being to accept all of me and my situation in this current moment. I let go, accept and surrender to my fears.

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The contents of our conscious mind (Bandwidth)

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In the TV series “Elementary” Holmes decries, resist filling your mind with unimportant data. It works much better using less bandwidth.

For some reason we try to fill our mind constantly, avoiding being alone with our mind empty at all costs.

We will binge on TV, a hobby, constant worry or anything else than be alone with our mind.

Why?

Worthless trivia clogs the mind, think what trauma thoughts do to the minds ability to focus.

We can only focus on a finite amount of data at one time (bandwidth).

Think of our conscious ability at any moment as the contents of a glass container.

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Some basic functions are always present during waking hours, our defense mechanism, balance, motor skills, breathing and bodily functions, there to keep us alive and safe.

From here our choices decide how our life unfolds.

Anxiety, worry, doubt, resentment and fear take up valuable space.

These emotions can attract enormous amounts of thought and judgment filling our glass to capacity.

I know, my childhood PTSD filled my mind with constant worry and irrational fear.

No room was left for anything else.

Good emotions, joy and then happiness have no room to visit.

This described my suffering for decades.

Now, I have room, my glass rarely overflows.

My happiest time during the day is when I am focused, empty of thought and emotion, just observing what me eyes see.

Funny, a cool breeze, a perfect flower or a massive tree can bring a big grin and a peaceful feeling.

I like to think, but only when I am aware and directing where my thoughts go.

I refuse to ruminate or judge and am quick to let go of any judgment that happens automatically.

With my mind empty and focused in this present moment, I have an opportunity to be happy.

What fills your glass today?

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Failure is impossible.

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Failure is impossible.

We control two things, effort and attitude. Effort and Attitude can be enormous anchors in life.

Results are far beyond our control and miles above our pay grade. Life happens, suffering will visit your doorstep, happiness will arrive as a choice.

Remember failure is impossible if we give all out effort with a good attitude. My PTSD melts away when I am present, focused and living fully.

We can not change the past, my childhood abuse sabotaged my life until I reached 60.

In my mind, I decided that was enough, “No more” was my mantra.

In this moment, my past has died, unlimited opportunity is available.

Rick Hanson in “Buddha’s Brain” shares this: “The number of possible combinations of 100 billion neurons firing or not is approximately 10 to the millionth power, or 1 followed by a million zeros, in principle; this is the number of possible states of your brain.”

Sounds like at the cellular level we have unlimited opportunity available.

I can be sad for the suffering of others, along with being able to experience happiness within my inner world.

Death is inevitable, our journey is where we get to choose suffering or thriving under any circumstance.

We all have bad moments, weak moments, the trick is to limit their duration.

I give intention before meditating for all sentient beings, those suffering.

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“Updated: A winner is just a loser who tried one more time.” . ~ George M. Moore, Jr. ~

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I am not a loser or a winner, I am much freer, much deeper, much more present.

 


Winning or losing has nothing to do with real happiness, more temporary exhilaration or agony of defeat as they say.

 


Competing has its own rewards and benefits without judgments.

 


The mindful way knows that the discipline, the exerting beyond tired, holds the gift, not prizes about the result.

The old trophies gather dust after time, almost forgotten, but the journey of determination and all out effort stays until death.

 


Living fully in this moment, is the reward of our practice, where real lasting happiness flourishes.

 


Enjoy the wins, feel the sting of a loss, then let go, be at peace with the effort and discipline of this challenge.

 


Life is a journey, travel well.
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Spend a little time identifying your gratitude instead of worrying

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From Source of Inspiration: Pat Cegan:

I am starting a gratitude list to help me remember this prayer: “Dear God, may we always be grateful.” I believe that gratitude is the key to serenity.

Truly gratitude is a transformer in our lives. The more I cultivate it, the more joy and serenity I find in my life. Please feel free to add to this list in the comment section…or start your own gratitude list.

909 of them

1. fresh breezes smelling of loamy ground after a gentle rain

2. little girl giggles that remind me to smile

3. sweet smell of puppies

4. ants marching in a row carrying leaves above their heads

5. raindrops that wash away tears

6. lilacs in the wind

7. friends who make me laugh

8. sweet potato pie with a hint of lemon

9. old men with hairy ears

10. red berries hidden beneath shiny green leaves

11. sweet memories of days gone by

12. mushroom prints that I make during rainy season

13. friends who call just to see how I am

14. walks in the floresta

15. page-turner books cozy quilt on a cold night

16. hic-ups from laughter

17. warm feet next to my cold feet

18. snooze alarms on cold mornings

19. spring water from a house faucet

20. little girls doing cartwheels

21. tadpoles changing

22. rain while the sun is shining

23. walking the beach at sunset

24. Grandmother’s pecan pie

25. books with woman heroes

26. blowing soap bubbles

27. coloring with my grandchildren

28. silly songs I sing for the children

29. birds taking baths in puddles

30. good books with sequels

31. reunions with old friends
32. poetry that lifts my soul

33. fragrance of fresh cut grass

34. grandmother’s rocking chair

35. kitty purrs

36. car with good gas mileage

37. spring tulips dotting my heart with color

38. socially acceptable burps and farts

39. belly laughter

40. old age’s patience

41. summer storm that cools the air

42. tea made from mint and lemongrass in the garden

Continue reading

Shaila Catherine chimes in on “Doubt”

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“It is imperative for the sincere meditator to unwaveringly witness the functions of desire, aversion, restlessness, and doubt, witness these forces arising—but without acting them out, without buying into them.

See them arise as empty thoughts, and see them pass just as quickly. . If they are not seen clearly, these mental states can obstruct progress in concentration.

Doubt can assail the mind with indecision, worry, or chronic judgment.

Unabated, the momentum of uncertainty can paralyze spiritual progress.

Yet doubt is nothing more than a thought.

Through examining the experience of doubt, you will come to understand doubt, rather than be consumed by it.

Doubt is a category of thought that you can definitively set aside.

The very instant you realize you are thinking you have an opportunity to affect the patterns of mind.

Thoughts of self can clutter attention with a plethora of diversified tales—preventing composure, stillness, and unification.

Concentration abandons this diffusing activity.

When you clearly perceive a thought, natural disinterest replaces identification with the stories.

As the mind calms, mental seclusion is established.

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PTSD and this Pamdemic!!!!!

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PTSD does not like more fear, quarantine or a pandemic!!!

Having idle time can be disastrous for PTSD, anxiety or depression.

Our biggest challenge, do not dissociate into the past or future. That means stop ruminating (thinking).

If we need to think, we direct our thought and leave out I, me Mine sentences. Be neutral as possible for a month.

We need to work on being grateful, then humble. Have goals like these to emulate.

Let the “I”, our “Ego” take a back seat. Limit his/her time in control of your mind.

Refuse to entertain judgments for a month. We can make decisions later, let go of all the extra worry this pamdemic has delivered.

If we do not accept this pandemic, surrender to these restrictions, the victim inside us will prosper.

Our “Ego” wants to blame, feel victimized and helpless.

Remember we all wither and die, so revisit your goals in life.

Some people are going to die. If it is us, do we want to suffer more because how we think?

I live with my daughter and three grandkids. My goal is to be positive and supportive of them.

We lead by example not words or thoughts.

We can not let negative thoughts, worry or doubt camp inside our mind.

We need not be perfect, but have the ability to let go of the noise and come back to now, when needed.

Accept the anxiety, sit quietly and breathe into it.

Observe it and watch it fade. Feel your body settle, cortisol and adrenaline dissipate.

This is our challenge with PTSD.

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