Posts Tagged ‘C-PTSD’

Willpower and engaging in the battle

rodobby: Pixabay

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“Know that with practice there comes a time when the mind steadies, relaxes, and concentration becomes undivided.”

Buddha

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My two cents: Meditation/Mindfulness is an accumulative practice.

The more you practice, the stronger the focus and benefits.

It is a battle of willpower against our Ego for control of the mind.

Our Ego must believe we are serious, that we are going to change before he/she loosens their grip.

Focus, sit with the breath in the middle of your anxiety and fear.

Curiosity and observation are the tools.

It is a simple task, an extremely challenging one at that.

Accept this challenge, battle for your freedom!

Surrender, be vulnerable, heal.

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Working with Anxiety

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I have had success sitting with those suffering from PTSD or other anxiety disorders.

I am like a security blanket, extra protection, for those trying to heal.

They must trust me enough, to sit still in the middle of there anxiety.

The biggest challenge is having the courage to sit quietly when our fight or flight mechanism explodes.

If I can help them dissipate their anxiety with the breath, life changes.

Knowing we can influence anxieties grip on our life gives us hope.

We are not helpless, we can dissipate anxieties power.

We have to be terrified of our trauma, our anxiety to suffer the awful symptoms of panic, hypervigilance, dissociation etc.

Sitting quietly, focused on the breath first, then focused on the body sensations helps integrate anxiety or trauma.

Judgment has ceased, we have entered the subtleties of our inner 🌎 world.

Once we have organically felt the power to dissipate anxiety, it loses some power.

Our mind follows repetitive thoughts. Like meditation, it is an accumulative practice.

Each time we sit quietly focused dissipating anxiety, each time it loses more power.

A calmer, more confident you will become the new default mode.

Expand your boundaries, search out a mindfulness group or an appropriate support group.

Take action, make a daily plan if you value improving.

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How is your Relationship with Anxiety?

Pixabay

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The five major types of anxiety disorders are:

Generalized Anxiety Disorder. …

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) …

Panic Disorder. …

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) …

Social Phobia (or Social Anxiety Disorder)

What is your relationship with anxiety? If you have one of these disorders your relationship is different with anxiety.

We always seem to want to eliminate anxiety completely. We grow extremely sensitive and try to avoid any hint of anxiety.

The way to heal is the opposite.

Can you tolerate sitting in the middle of your anxiety, breathing, observing, dissipating.

Yes, we need to sit quietly in the middle of our anxious feelings.

Your breath can dissipate that cortisol and adrenaline.

Resistance, avoidance or denial is jet fuel for anxiety.

Anger enrages anxiety to a higher pitch.

Trying to avoid anxiety leads to suffering.

Is anxiety a terrible thing?

It is part of our minds makeup.

We all have anxiety, it has a purpose.

Anxiety disorders are extremely hard to reach consciously.

PTSD is stored out of conscious reach so anxiety is hard to heal.

Meditation reaches the place where trauma is stored.

When anxiety arrives your choice decides your fate.

Avoid, resist, deny and suffer, accept, breathe, dissipate and enjoy a different outcome.

Healing and happines are an internal way of living.

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A trigger 🔥 fires 🔥 what is our thought process

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A trigger firing brings different emotions, the dominant one is real fear, terror for some, opportunity for a few.

Someone shared that they joined a new mental health group, risking, healing. After a few meetings, her triggers erupted.

She was afraid and thought it was a bad decision. That trigger was a reaction to her taking control of her life.

PTSD is going to resist our efforts to heal, to take back control of our life.

Anxiety, triggers exploding, being afraid is part of the healing path.

Triggers are not to be feared.

They are opportunities to heal.

When PTSD is at its apex of power, violent triggers erupting, it is also at its most vulnerable.

PTSD is a bluff that has the key to our fight or flight mechanism. PTSD has the ability to dump cortisol and adrenaline into our system, preparing for a lethal threat.

We have to know the difference between real danger and PTSD danger.

We breathe, stay focused while this imaginary fear dissipates.

Triggers are the doors to healing.

Become friends with your nervous system, your fight or flight mechanism, your protector.

Anxiety dissipates with extended, focused breaths.

Our breath controls our nervous system.

Our breath is the weapon that when focused intently, can neutralize traumas impact.

We have to keep moving when anxiety makes us cautious.

Takes courage to stay silent, still, focused when chaos wants us to flee in terror.

Meditation sets a collision course with our demons (PTSD).

It is the road to healing.

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Ptsd makes us defensive maybe even in denial

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I deal with people with PTSD, some with childhood Trauma.

Childhood trauma is a special kind of trauma, our brains have not developed, so trauma intertwines itself like an octopus with our mind.

Since trauma was endured over such a long period of time, healing is more arduous and lengthy. Remember trauma is stored with our abilities at the time it occurs.

Some trauma feels like a five year old memory to me.

Understand you have the cognitive abilities of a five year old when in the midst of this trigger firing.

Trying to think your way out will fail. It is a subconscious terrain that houses that memory.

We carry this trauma, reinforce the narrative we create with others. This narrative influences the “Ego” we create.

Think how we define “Who am I” with these influences.

Sometimes our narrative describes us as a victim of circumstance. Any narrative is a mirage.

I damn sure am not a superhero either, or some great savior of mankind.

PTSD sufferers will fight you to keep their narrative. This narrative excludes them from taking responsibility for their life.

What does your narrative say about you?

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Who am I?

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I was given my identity from my parents, my mother said God made me to be a professional baseball player. My father had stronger convictions about who I was.

Of course my “Ego” was created around this edict. “Who am I” was decided for me, “I” did not have a say according to my parents.

Before 30 I was out of professional baseball, who was I now has always been a conundrum for me.

My father treated me differently depending on my performance. Yes, it was complete conditioned love ❤️. A toxic love of brutality and control.

What hapoens when your first caregivers steal your identity?

You wander through life lost, looking for meaning, relevance, identity.

At 67 my “Ego” has dropped that baseball ⚾️ moniker.

It was hard to accept others definition of who you are.

My childhood was stolen. It is our job to limit the impact to just our childhood.

It was only my childhood, I have found out “Who I am “ during my healing journey.

I am not any label and definitely not unworthy.

I am present, aware and focused. That is enough!

I am a giver, a person with large amounts of gratitude, a content, calm, kind man.

That last sentence did not appear without great effort on my journey.

Find your true self through inner exploration and discovery.

Trauma is an invisible prison!

Refuse to label, stay present, alive, and active.

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Unworthy, shamed, flawed (my childhood)

Pixabay

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My child hood trauma made me feel unworthy, shamed, and flawed.

In due time avoidance became my symptom of choice, I tried reducing my fight or flight mechanism from firing and my mind obsessing over the causes of my triggers.

In our confused state, limiting the triggers situations, avoiding life seems the path of least resistance and healing.

That is similar to chasing pleasure and avoiding life’s reality. Both end in more suffering.

Avoiding my triggers, isolated me from life, I thought I would heal the less my triggers exploded.

In due time I feared my thoughts after a trigger more than the trigger itself. It was more painful to experience my mind trying to cognitively understand why trigger thoughts had so much power.

We’re my thoughts real or a mirage. The cortisol and adrenaline released with the firing of my denfense mechanism were real.

The thoughts were bullshit, trauma memories stored in the right amygdala, as implicit memory, unable to be impacted consciously.

Thinking, judging, cognitively manipulating traumas storyline leads to more suffering.

My avoidance led to social anxiety. Complex PTSD, my childhood trauma had manifested its unworthiness as an outcast, unworthy to be alive.

Yes, my PTSD damn near killed me at its apex.

At my low point, I was surprised the resilience that was stored around my core. When my mind was frozen, I found life with aerobic exercise until near exhaustion.

My legs could move even when my mind was frozen. Life is closer to action, sedentary closer to death. We need to move, to battle, to live fully.

Change is hard for an abused kid, life comes at us much to quick.

We are confused about who we are.

Was I the kid who was constantly ridiculed by his male caregiver, shamed or was I normal like other kids.

Surely normal has never been my experience.

I was different, unworthy, beaten, shamed, sentenced to suffering.

Hard for me to recall the gravity of my plight back then since I healed.

The extreme panic and fear are gone.

That means we all can heal, if I can crawl out of that hole, you can also.

My message is that we can heal with persistence and the right tools.

Never give up, never give in.

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