Posts Tagged ‘Attitude’

Lost in childhood, lost for decades

Pixabay: Flensshot



In my childhood, I never had a content moment, a moment of pure satisfaction, a situation that had a purpose I created.

My parents were young, 16 when the pregnancy happened. My father resented his freedom being stolen, later I would read about how narcissists only care about themselves .

I know a purpose would benefit me. My mother told me God made me to be a professional baseball player, my father just demanded I be twice as good as everyone else, there was no room for my purpose.

I do not feel sorry for myself, I want to understand why my life lacked purpose. Starved for approval throughout my childhood, adulthood was a lost journey for decades.

Who was I? “I” had no idea.

Looking back, experiencing approval was more important than my wellbeing. I would risk and persevere to earn approval.

Approval equaled happiness for me, but happiness is not what I felt.

Approval was external, fleeting and could change to criticism, so life was always stressful, in flux.

Approval was never permanent so my pseudo happiness was based on false assumptions.

I yearn for that content, calm, confidant feeling, an internal knowing I am fine.

My path has decided to enhance giving and gratitude.

Thoughts and emotions are discounted as ephemeral and transparent, like appendages.

My Aware Presence is given maximum energy.

Simple, concrete, specific goals are best.




Pilot post: Enquiring Minds want to know segment: Moods!!!!!!!!

Pixabay: tjuusitalo



I was in a bad mood, I just was not thinking rationally.

We have all heard this or maybe even used it to explain bad behavior.

Do moods have power over us?

Moods seem to have thoughts and emotions attached to them.

Interesting, another “Ego” driven way to control behavior.

Sorry, I was in a bad mood, it wasn’t me!

Yes it was you, a mood is no excuse.

The hell with moods!!!!!

Oh sorry, I felt justified anger at my mood. Is this another mood?

I guess, letting the emotional thoughts fade collapses that mood.

Where we place attention determines if we

Dissociate or stay present,

Worry or have confidence,

Become hypervigilant or remain calm and content,

Have panic attacks or accept the unknown (PTSD danger),

Become rigid or open up,

Suffer or enjoy life.

Mindfulness practice limits the duration of any mood.



The Inner Critic is not your friend!

Pixabay: Devanath



Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving:

“Permanent abandonment, public humiliation, lethal illness, lonely death, imminent attack, and penniless homelessness are common endangerment themes of many survivors.

One of my clients identified his inner critic endangerment process as: “My critic, the horror movie producer”. This made me think: “My critic the terrorist”.

If I had to describe the two most key processes of the critic, I would say this.

First, the critic is above all a self-perpetuating process of extreme negative noticing.

Second the critic is a constant hypervigilance that sees disaster hovering in the next moment about to launch into a full-court-press.”




My two cents: Our inner critic became dominant during our childhood abuse, know our goal is to overthrow this tyrant, this despot of suffering.

We must decide to support the inner critic or Aware Presence.

Ruminate or stay present, suffer or live free.

It is a moment to moment battle, the marathon of life.

The secret is to focus on this moment, then move on to the next moment without baggage!



Pick a mood or refrain for reality

Pixabay: kordi_vahle



“Good moods are as fragile as eggs…..and bad moods as fragile as bricks”

David Mitchell




My two cents: We can let moods ebb and flow without much attention.

I would rather be present, not thinking about this mood or that mood, it is so trivial, and will change with the wind.

I am so much deeper than any such shallow thing as a mood.

Why waste life on a mood?



Aware Presence part two, 2

Ferrari Enzo That Was Split in Half in PCH Crash Sells for $1.76 Million

Wrecked at 201 mph both driver and passenger walked away unharmed

Full story here:




From “The Art of Peace and Happiness”

“If someone were to ask us to turn our attention towards a sensation in the body, a thought or image in the mind or an object in the world, we would have no difficulty, just as we have no difficulty in turning our attention towards these words.

But what if someone were to ask us to turn it towards our self, towards the aware Presence that knows the objects of the body, mind and world?

Try to do that. For instance, try to turn your attention towards whatever it is that is seeing these words.

Some of us may be inclined to turn our attention towards a sensation around the eyes or head, but notice that the eyes and the head are themselves sensations of which we are aware.

Try again to turn your attention towards whatever it is that is aware of these sensations, and is not itself a sensation.

In which direction do we turn? Notice that any direction in which we turn is always towards some kind of an object, more or less subtle.

If we take our attention away from that object and try to turn it towards whatever it is that knows or experiences that object, we are always frustrated.

Every direction turns out to be the wrong one.

It is like standing up and trying to take a step towards one’s own body; every step is in the wrong direction. And yet, at the same time, no step takes us farther away.”



A follower answers “Why is it so hard to take action”

Pixabay: johnhain



I am reflecting. For me I think part of it is being beat down to low or no self esteem. You get so convinced you cannot do anything right that you just quit trying. Why try one more thing so you can fail again? Just hide in the hole that has been dug for you to live in instead of taking the chance of crawling out by the fingernails one more time.




Thank you for your input. PTSD is epidemic, how to heal is complex and not easily found or understood.

Without proper tools and direction, PTSD can be a formidable opponent. I tried to think my way out and ended up agoraphobic.

Can you tolerate trying one more time with some key wisdom and mindfulness skills?

PTSD will get worse as we heal. Healing was violent internally, highly emotional and anxious as my abuse integrated and let go.

Meditation is a roto rooter, it will dig up unworthiness, anxiety and trauma.

Meditation plots a course directly at the center of our trauma. We are on a collision course, the path less travelled.

I guess my blog and mindfulness group is about hope.

Giving hope to those who think getting better is impossible.

I failed over and over, tried one therapy after another, holistic healers, acupuncture, massage and out of the box cures. Nothing helped, I got worse.

My fathers abuse built a strong sense of determination, I was lucky.

We all have inner strengths and boundless worth inside us.

I would encourage everyone to start meditating, applying mindfulness daily.

Healing is incremental, a little each day.




Taking action: the PTSD road that is less travelled

Pixabay: Tama66



What has to happen for you to take action.

Why is change so Hard?

Why will we suffer in our current situation then refuse to change, take action?

I have no answer or justification for mans refusal to try to be happy or maybe just find peace of mind.

I have asked therapists, trainers, observed people on PTSD discussion boards and concluded around 5% try after a month.

Why is change so hard?

I do not believe there is a simple answer.

Takes courage, willpower, daily consistency, the correct skills and some intangibles.

Every situation is different but look how few people heal.

PTSD is epidemic, 20 vets have committed suicide daily for last three years, and the civilian population is in crisis.

Complex PTSD takes even longer to heal and the available couches are limited.

With our current system, what percentage of sufferers actually have access to therapy?

In my mindfulness group and on blogs you can see the need, see how many are suffering.

Why do we avoid trying to get better then live a damaged life?

Any insight or suggestions.



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