Posts Tagged ‘Attitude’

Gratitude has helped me

.

.

Cultivating gratitude has worked wonders for my attitude.

Others compliment me for seeing things, situations in a positive light now. That still feels a little strange.

That is an amazing transformation from a world class worrier (me) seen through a prism of gratitude. Things were not safe or alright in my childhood and bad things did happen.

Yes, I lived through a violent, critical abusive childhood. I also had the tools to heal and live a happy life.

Many others had harsher, harder childhoods. I was grateful for my skills and opportunities others did not have.

Gratitude let’s me see others suffering. Meditation has opened my compassion center, which in turn started me giving to others.

I never feel sorry for myself any more, I let that feeling pass on by.

I started this blog to help others improve, then I approached organizations to open a real mindfulness group.

This was an impossible task a year earlier. My PTSD brought depression, social anxiety and agoraphobia. I could not leave my house for six months.

I guess my gratitude was stronger than my social anxiety. The experience of sharing others journey in group, helping them improve has made a profound impact on my life.

Worry still tries to creep in, bringing fear of what may happen.

Healing is not a happy ever after type of deal, it is a day to day experience.

We can heal and live today full out.

.

.

How do we change identification with the dream character?

.

.

Awareness always starts our path to change.

My dream character was always anchored in my childhood abuse, soaked in criticism, filled with unworthiness, a fragile self image.

My coping mechanism was over achievement, another reaction to the conditioned love from childhood.

Somehow, acheiving things, inflated my worthiness for short bursts of an otherwise shameful dream of my existence.

Looking back this dream was a daily companion, life brought suffering in this created world.

Looking back, I see how past thoughts, judgments about who I was, dominated my life.

How could anyone find happiness in that hollow, unworthy self image.

I created all of that mirage.

Now, I am dissecting parts of my old dream, trading that diatribe in for being in this moment.

I have found, that living in the current moment without judgment offers many opportunities of living fully, even feeling happy at times.

Meditation, focus on the breath, has been the vehicle that helped me release my dream character.

I need not be impacted by my past, need not carry that weight any farther.

It is difficult to be open, to surrender to what we fear, what we have created through our judgments.

Start chipping away at that old self image you been carrying around like a ball and chain.

Please share your thoughts on your journey?

.

.

Beyond Mindfulness: the direct approach to lasting peace , happiness and love: Stephen Bodian

.

.

For example, you may take great pride in your accomplishments—the difficulties you’ve overcome, the relationships you’ve cultivated, the places you’ve visited, the money you’ve made.

But the memories of even the best past experiences can crowd your mind and prevent you from being fully present right now and appreciating the joy and fulfillment that this irreplaceable moment potentially affords.

Or you may find yourself gravitating back with sadness and shame to your failures, your lost opportunities, your mistakes, the people you’ve hurt, the traumas you’ve suffered.

But this haze of negative thoughts and feelings keeps you from having more positive experiences now that might help alleviate your pain.

Or you may keep recycling the story of how you’ve been wronged, abandoned, or overlooked by others, and your resentment has embittered you and cut you off from the love that’s available to you now.

You may suffer because you compare your present experiences unfavorably with those you’ve had in the past or live in constant fear that the same traumas and disappointment that befell you before will happen again.

And your relationships are never really fulfilling because they’re clouded by judgments, expectations, projections, and the shadow of previous heartache and loss.

Wandering endlessly in the story of your life, you suffer because you’ve separated yourself from, and can’t genuinely connect with, life as it is.

.

.

Pivotal moments in the life of a PTSD sufferer!

.

.

PTSD will bring depression into our lives. Hard not to experience depression when ptsd brings daily terror to our doorstep.

PTSD runs by itself without our input, triggers fire on their own without warning at times. Thoughts of being crazy or my mind is out of control visit us.

Avoidance, denial, hypervigilance, intrusive thoughts and dissociation rob life of any vitality and joy.

My life narrowed completely for a while, hardly ever leaving the house for six long months.

Trying to think my way out, trying to cognitively envision what being normal would look like, took my life away. My meditation practice had not strengthened enough to give me any hope.

I had hit bottom, nothing I did lessened my suffering, in fact I was getting progressively worse.

A pivotal moment in my life had arrived. Feeling helpless, my suffering drove me to my suicidal inquisition.

I was physically worn out from 15 fight or flight explosions a day. Filled with cortisol, living with a heightened anxiety filled body, I was lost. Emotionally, I was terrified something worse than death was coming.

I prayed for the sun to go down so I could make it to another day.

It would of been easy to give up, check out of my horrible existence.

I think we all have critical moments, a time when we must decide about life.

Somehow, I found this inner strength, fostered by my stubborn attitude, certainly without wisdom, not to let my father win.

If I committed suicide, my abuser, that violent alcoholic, narcissist would win.

That was all the incentive I needed. No way would I let that happen. No damn way, over my dead body.

I would suffer in my garage if need be for the rest of my life before I would give in.

Looking back on my journey that was my turning point. I had withstood PTSD’s final assault on my life.

As my meditation practice matured, suffering started to subside.

We can heal and live fully.

Do not let your abuser, your trauma define you or rob you of living fully.

Never give up, never give in!!!!!!

.

.

.

Meditation/Mindfulness is hard for a novice to understand, the words seem hollow, uneventful

.

.

Much of the terminology of meditation/mindfulness makes no sense to a novice. Reading words like be in the moment, no thought stage, remain just words.

No thought seems boring, a useless blank canvas.

I have worked with some who believe their ability to think intelligently defines them. We think what we do or what we have accomplished is who we are.

Being present, in the moment seems a small uneventful situation.

When we meditate, our focus transfers from our left, cognitive hemisphere to our creative, no thought hemisphere.

The left hemisphere has no words, sentences, judgments, right or wrong, god or bad, past or future, none!!!!!!!!!!

Our mind is at its best, most brilliant, most capable, when we are focused and in a no thought stage (Right hemisphere).

Like being in nature, all alone miles from the nearest metropolis, we feel nature through our senses without thought.

We do not introduce ourselves to a bear we encounter, Hi, I am Marty.

Our Ego is worthless out here, the bear could give a shit what my name is, or who I think I am.

When thought subsides with focus and practice, we experience our inner guide, our inner world and our potential happiness.

How will you ever know the true you, surely not by thinking?

How will you ever be truly happy?

Remember happiness has gratitude and giving at its core.

It also has Worry, doubt, fear, jealousy, resentment, anger in perspective.

Happiness only exists in the now.

.

.

Attitude

.

.

Think about the attitude, personality and energy we bring to others.

Think about how differently we treat friends and people we do not like or get along with.

We are responsible for how we interact with others.

Can we give up talking about others, gossiping in a harmful manner.

Kindness to others is a boomerang. Are you seen as a friendly, kind person who has a smile and greeting for others?

Build the “Ego” around being a kind, considerate person to others.

Recognize the importance of giving, connected intimately to the core of happiness.

Can we refrain from being right all the time, can we not respond to criticism?

Can we give up being angry about petty things, using that time to be free and focused.

We can practice meditating, building focus, creating a space between stimulus and response.

Others actions should not automatically elicit an emotional response.

We have control of our reactions and behavior.

Can we take a breath, focus, then let go of anger, resentment, jealousy or depression?

.

.

Ricard again: pursuing a happy life

.

.

“We willingly spend a dozen years in school, then go on to college or professional training for several more; we work out at the gym to stay healthy; we spend a lot of time enhancing our comfort, our wealth, and our social status.

We put a great deal into all this, and yet we do so little to improve the inner condition that determines the very quality of our lives.

What strange hesitancy, fear, or apathy stops us from looking within ourselves, from trying to grasp the true essence of joy and sadness, desire and hatred?”

.

.

.

My two cents: Do we understand what a “Happy” life looks like?

It is not the pursuit of pleasure, the avoidance of critism or the desire for approval.

Happiness flows out of an internal way of being, a way of being grateful for what you have and a desire to help others on this journey.

Happiness may not be a euphoric, blissful condition, but a moment to moment awareness of our mundane life.

An acceptance of ourselves, totally in this mundane moment, is required.

.

.

%d bloggers like this: