Posts Tagged ‘Attitude’

Insight

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It is only with the heart that one can see rightly:

 

what is essential is invisible to the eye.

 

– Antoine de Saint Exupery –

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Our search for wisdom should start with ourself first,  discovering our inner world, our nervous system, our vulnerabilities and our strengths.

 

Close your eyes, focus intently on the breath, observe all sensations of the body without commentary or judgment.

 

It is hard to release our cognitive bias and free ourself.

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Updated: My path was different, reading and following books replaced failed therapies!

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My blog has always been very positive. Lately some have questioned how I have made this journey seem easy. This is a post to share the challenges I faced.

 

 

I was read poetry in therapy sessions when I was triggered and my nervous system extremely upset. I would sit shaking from trauma while my therapist read Louis Hayes.

 

 

This was not even a good distraction skill.   During my journey, one intuitive would ignite my trauma, having me visualize my little Marty’s, 5,7,9,12 year olds sitting around a big table with my father, my abuser.

 

 

I always departed far more terrified than when I arrived.    When we start our healing path we are naive,  clueless.   The time wasted searching for a way out,  cost me five years of my life.

 

 

This did damage because no integration was happening. I was paying for someone to supervise me dissociating into my trauma, triggering intense fear without the skill to integrate. Wish I had those wasted ducketts back.

 

 

 

My complex PTSD deepened, intensified as my daily suffering grew.   I was lost and being sabotaged by the  professionals.

 

 

 

This ended with a severe case of agoraphobia, locked in a dark garage, more terrified than any other time in my life.   My professional help took me to a place where my mind was frozen, my body would shake for hours as an unknown fear, worse than death haunted me.

 

 

 

Haunted me!!!!!

 

 

 

My reprieve was my abuser demanded perfection on a baseball field and that taught me skills of persistence, a never give up attitude, and courage.   I was isolated my whole childhood by a controlling narcissist.

 

 

Narcissist isolate you for total control.   Healing, going it alone with books did not feel strange for me.   My father abuse created the skills I needed to heal.   Ironic, no?

 

 

I believe my healing would have taken maybe six months not five years with what I know now.   The benefit was the experience I gained along the way.    This blog was created to fill in the voids I faced.

 

 

I turned to books, books on therapy, books on neuroscience, books on war-time PTSD, books on survivor personalities and books on meditation.

 

 

I read, practiced and applied with an aggressive type intensity.    This was not drastic for me.   I was pro athlete, comfortable with all out effort over six month periods.

 

 

I resorted back to my strengths and proceeded to attack PTSD like a competitive athlete would.   Somehow I knew intuitively healing was an internal battle.

 

 

Healing like this has given me a command, an insight into this process.

 

I dug out of a deep hole following my intuitive guide, a very organic journey.
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The Joy of Mindfulness

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Self Compassion Skills Workbook”:

One important function of mindfulness is learning to embrace and transform our suffering—which has been the focus of much of this workbook.

 

 

However, mindfulness can also be a source of joy.

 

 

Mindfulness helps us wake up to all of the conditions for happiness that are already available to us in this moment.

 

 

Many people drink their tea or coffee, but never taste it.

 

 

Their minds are far away, occupied by worries or regrets.

 

 

When we learn how to slow down and taste our tea, we find that it is wonderful.

 

 

Sitting by a tree, walking with a friend, and taking a hot shower on a cold morning and all potential source of joy, if we know how to pay attention to them.
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Thoughts are ephemeral, transparent, fleeting, air without attention

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How can we gauge our mindfulness practice, life.

 

Answer: Our thoughts!

 

Take a look at how much time you spend lost in thought. Dissociation is our worst enemy, endless thought, worry, doubt, and judgment.

 

This is fuel for depression, anxiety, PTSD and suffering. This is the building block for our continued suffering.

 

Replace these dissociative moments, trade them in for being in the moment. Observe what your eyes see, ears hear, nose smells, skin feels without judgment.

 

Look at the mundane things and situations with a wonderment, like it is brand new. Enter the task at hand, be the knife cutting the vegetables, slow down the process.

 

Big changes start with small adjustments.

 

Adjust where you place your attention.

 

Where we place our attention impacts our life more than any other skill or practice.
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Addicted to thinking

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“One of the greatest addictions,

 

you never read about it in the papers

 

because the people who are addicted to it don’t know it,

 

is the addiction to thinking.”

—Eckhart Tolle
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Our mind craves time to not think, to be focused and empty.

 

 

We fast to let our digestive system repair itself, to flush toxins and to get an overdue break.

 

 

We Meditate daily to give our mind a much needed break, to flush the negative thoughts and emotions, and to reach our creative, expansive side.
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We must be able to endure the awkward, the uncomfortable

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Reading one of the blogs I follow, a post listed all the doubts, judgments, concerns about the therapist, therapy and her own worthiness or unworthiness.

 

It seemed a celebration of victimhood wrapped in the Ego’s narrative.

 

Healing will never happen if we wait till things feel good or it is the right time to try.

 

Safe is never arriving, even the richest man has no idea what’s around the next bend.

 

 

We have to learn to withstand, to endure situations and people who make us uncomfortable, uneasy or even a little scared.

 

Unless we endure, experience these situations, healing or happiness will always be a stranger.

 

We will never feel that calm, that feeling of I am ok, worthy!

 

Being worthy comes from within, not through achievement or approval.

 

Next time a trigger explodes, focus on your breath, observe the narrative and watch it fade away.

 

A calm, a knowing you are fine arrives to greet us.

 

 

Healing or being on a spiritual journey is not an easy, calm path, it can be highly charged, scary and turbulent, like life.

 

Build your focus and hunt down your fears.

 

 

It is a battle, many do not see it like this.
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There was no sense of a self owning them.”

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“As I noticed feelings and thoughts appear and disappear,

 

 

it became increasingly clear that

 

 

they were just coming and going on their own. . . .

 

 

There was no sense of a self owning them.”

 

– Tara Brach
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Incredibly there are 60,000 thoughts that enter our consciousness everyday, about one a second.

 

Common sense tell us that during this last minute (60 seconds), we did not grasp 60 thoughts.

 

Why do we choose negative ones more often?

 

The “Ego” chooses thought, while our true self chooses to be empty in this present moment.

 

 

Being lost in thought constantly, fuels depression, anxiety, PTSD and suffering.
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