Posts Tagged ‘Anxiety’

Does your life with Chronic Pain feel like this?

.

.

My chronic pain was like the wind, invisible, powerful and relentless at times.

How was I going to battle such a ghost. I named my pain Mr P. after the old Happy Days show, Mr. C.

Mr. P. Was my nemesis when I hiked. Mr. P. wanted to stop my legs from moving, from confronting my fear, from taking control of my mind back.

My mindset was centered around my greatest strength, my willpower, determination. Always incorporate your strengths as part of your solutions.

My mindset as usual, a jock accepts the challenge before him/her. No way was Pain going stop my legs from moving!

My exercise routine became an emotional battle between pain and my will.

In a way it was exhilarating. I convinced myself not many humans could hike in such pain day after day.

We jocks always imagined being at bat with the bases loaded, two outs bottom of ninth, game seven of World Series. This was my chronic pain version.

Visualization is powerful. I would imagine myself in “The Last of the Mohicans” running with Hawkeye, running for our life.

Music gave me a beat that I could synchronize my legs with. My legs would move to a beat when they were exhausted, ready to quit.

Chronic pain became a friend. Adversity makes us stronger.

Chronic pain strengthened my meditation practice. I truly learned how to focus and dissipate my pain level.

Pain constricted, became much more bearable, then faded as months passed. Aerobic exercise and meditation were my tools.

I would set in the middle of my pain with my breath, no judgments just observing.

My breath could dissipate my pain. My familiarity allowed me to sit calmly inside my pain. My pain received no energy from fear, attention or thought.

After a few years I had compartmentalzed my chronic pain.

Acute pain is a different animal.

Pain eats energy but does not touch my soul, or my enthusiasm for life.

.

.

How is your Relationship with Anxiety?

Pixabay

.

.

The five major types of anxiety disorders are:

Generalized Anxiety Disorder. …

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) …

Panic Disorder. …

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) …

Social Phobia (or Social Anxiety Disorder)

What is your relationship with anxiety? If you have one of these disorders your relationship is different with anxiety.

We always seem to want to eliminate anxiety completely. We grow extremely sensitive and try to avoid any hint of anxiety.

The way to heal is the opposite.

Can you tolerate sitting in the middle of your anxiety, breathing, observing, dissipating.

Yes, we need to sit quietly in the middle of our anxious feelings.

Your breath can dissipate that cortisol and adrenaline.

Resistance, avoidance or denial is jet fuel for anxiety.

Anger enrages anxiety to a higher pitch.

Trying to avoid anxiety leads to suffering.

Is anxiety a terrible thing?

It is part of our minds makeup.

We all have anxiety, it has a purpose.

Anxiety disorders are extremely hard to reach consciously.

PTSD is stored out of conscious reach so anxiety is hard to heal.

Meditation reaches the place where trauma is stored.

When anxiety arrives your choice decides your fate.

Avoid, resist, deny and suffer, accept, breathe, dissipate and enjoy a different outcome.

Healing and happines are an internal way of living.

.

.

A trigger 🔥 fires 🔥 what is our thought process

.

.

A trigger firing brings different emotions, the dominant one is real fear, terror for some, opportunity for a few.

Someone shared that they joined a new mental health group, risking, healing. After a few meetings, her triggers erupted.

She was afraid and thought it was a bad decision. That trigger was a reaction to her taking control of her life.

PTSD is going to resist our efforts to heal, to take back control of our life.

Anxiety, triggers exploding, being afraid is part of the healing path.

Triggers are not to be feared.

They are opportunities to heal.

When PTSD is at its apex of power, violent triggers erupting, it is also at its most vulnerable.

PTSD is a bluff that has the key to our fight or flight mechanism. PTSD has the ability to dump cortisol and adrenaline into our system, preparing for a lethal threat.

We have to know the difference between real danger and PTSD danger.

We breathe, stay focused while this imaginary fear dissipates.

Triggers are the doors to healing.

Become friends with your nervous system, your fight or flight mechanism, your protector.

Anxiety dissipates with extended, focused breaths.

Our breath controls our nervous system.

Our breath is the weapon that when focused intently, can neutralize traumas impact.

We have to keep moving when anxiety makes us cautious.

Takes courage to stay silent, still, focused when chaos wants us to flee in terror.

Meditation sets a collision course with our demons (PTSD).

It is the road to healing.

.

.

Unworthy, shamed, flawed (my childhood)

Pixabay

.

.

My child hood trauma made me feel unworthy, shamed, and flawed.

In due time avoidance became my symptom of choice, I tried reducing my fight or flight mechanism from firing and my mind obsessing over the causes of my triggers.

In our confused state, limiting the triggers situations, avoiding life seems the path of least resistance and healing.

That is similar to chasing pleasure and avoiding life’s reality. Both end in more suffering.

Avoiding my triggers, isolated me from life, I thought I would heal the less my triggers exploded.

In due time I feared my thoughts after a trigger more than the trigger itself. It was more painful to experience my mind trying to cognitively understand why trigger thoughts had so much power.

We’re my thoughts real or a mirage. The cortisol and adrenaline released with the firing of my denfense mechanism were real.

The thoughts were bullshit, trauma memories stored in the right amygdala, as implicit memory, unable to be impacted consciously.

Thinking, judging, cognitively manipulating traumas storyline leads to more suffering.

My avoidance led to social anxiety. Complex PTSD, my childhood trauma had manifested its unworthiness as an outcast, unworthy to be alive.

Yes, my PTSD damn near killed me at its apex.

At my low point, I was surprised the resilience that was stored around my core. When my mind was frozen, I found life with aerobic exercise until near exhaustion.

My legs could move even when my mind was frozen. Life is closer to action, sedentary closer to death. We need to move, to battle, to live fully.

Change is hard for an abused kid, life comes at us much to quick.

We are confused about who we are.

Was I the kid who was constantly ridiculed by his male caregiver, shamed or was I normal like other kids.

Surely normal has never been my experience.

I was different, unworthy, beaten, shamed, sentenced to suffering.

Hard for me to recall the gravity of my plight back then since I healed.

The extreme panic and fear are gone.

That means we all can heal, if I can crawl out of that hole, you can also.

My message is that we can heal with persistence and the right tools.

Never give up, never give in.

.

.

My journeys (PTSD) current state of mind (Healing)

.

.

Awkward and uncomfortable is how I would describe my PTSD now.

It took all my effort and determination to heal the first time. My childhood trauma resisted many different therapies and holistic cures.

Our path is not very well illuminated, hard to tell the proper avenue to choose or the right direction to proceed. PTSD has a confusing impact, a time distorting component and horrifying panic attacks.

When I finally healed, my life was trigger free, finally flowing with an ease. I thought healing was permanent but a new blood pressure medicine drained my energy and fired my nervous system up.

My PTSD symptoms returned. Things had changed, the intense fear and firing of my flight or fight mechanism did not happen. Meditation had enabled me to become friends with my fight or flight mechanism, I did not fear it going off.

In fact I learned to use the energy that surrounds our defense mechanism firing, while hiking.

Instead of terror and fear, I experienced uncomfortable and awkward.

Now, my symptoms will appear every so often, I am not afraid of them anymore. They do impact my life but I accept this as my cross to bear.

What has changed is my ability to focus and let go, the wisdom to discount traumas erroneous barrage of thoughts and judgments.

I can exist in a defense mode, letting the noise be released, making no decisions, having no opion that is reinforced until things settle down.

I have learned to let go of thought and read my senses, see and hear what is in front of me. It is soothing to step back and realize this PTSD is a mirage.

My triggers are still an issue at times but the issue has a much less intimidating consequence.

Trusting that being empty of thought and aware of this immediate moment, is my default position.

My tools are simple, concrete and immediate.

My tools are not complex or voluminous but gain power through repetition and application.

PTSD is not as scary when the fight or flight mechanism has become your friend.

.

.

Looking back at my journey, some thoughts!

.

.

Years ago “Exposure Therapy” as it was called, brought extreme anxiety to my being. Say your PTSD triggers manifested in fear of being in closed spaces, or in crowded public areas.

Exposure Therapy takes you into these trigger situations. We would go into an enclosed space or enter a crowded gathering. I languished when this therapy was tried on me.

It made me worse, my fear and anxiety levels spiked, my fight or flight mechanism fired 10 times a day.

In due time, a solution appeared, a safe, secure place for exposure therapy.

Meditation provided this safe space to use “Exposure Therapy”.

I could face my fear and anxiety with intense focus and letting go. It was not easy.

I did not walk into a trigger solution as a cocky, bring it on individual, it was more a tip toeing through my mind field. It still felt like danger was there.

Confidence grew with more and more exposure. Becoming intimately familiar with my fears and anxiety made them less fearful, less powerful over time.

My fears lost power gradually. As time passed I was able to physically face my triggers better and better.

What I realized was, to heal it took being humble, accepting, and vulnerable.

It is not a chest pumping experience, rather a humbling journey of exploration and healing.

If you heal you will know more about the real you.

The path to healing and happiness are the same road.

.

.

Give Power to where you are.”

.

.

“Do not give Power to what is in your mind, give Power to where you are.”

Dr Andreadinardo.com

.

.

.

My two cents:

People have this blank stare when I say “Be in the moment, right now”.

Give power to where we are, is specific and engages our senses.

See the greatness of the sky, the trees, flowers, not the thoughts in your head.

A life spent inside our head, grappling with thoughts and emotions is wasted.

What will you have to show for all your thinking.

Not much you could take with you.

Surely happiness was a constant stranger on your journey.

Place all attention on the senses, observe, be, to live fully.

.

.

%d bloggers like this: