Posts Tagged ‘Anxiety’

Our Ego never feels Equal to another Ego



We know scientifically that we create a fictitious identity (Ego) to navigate life.

I call my guy, Marty.

He is a combination of how my first caregivers raised me, how others treat me, how I see myself in this world, and a few other intangibles. He can adapt and change but not easily.

Every Ego desires to be special, desires to elevate his/her status in a myriad of ways.

Our Ego feigns and bluffs with a plethora of thoughts and emotions for control of our being.

All the Ego needs to do is get us thinking about emotional thoughts and judgments.

He/She does not need to convince us, just distract us to win control.

Get lost in thought and lose control, awareness.

Our Ego never feels equal to another Ego, thus creating this need to compete or hide.

Our Ego is out front and in control when we feel wronged, mistreated, disrespected, ridiculed or feel sorry for ourselves.

The other side, too much Ego, has facets of narcissism. This Ego desires adulation over all else.

This insecure Ego uses other Egos for their pleasure.

Next time you walk into a class, a meeting or a group, bring awareness to where your Ego thinks you fit in.

Can you feel your Ego ranking you in the group. One thru ten, where are you? Is your judgment correct?

If your ranked one, two or three, does this impact your Ego?

Would it make a difference if you were an expert in the group or a novice?

It sure would for me.

Can you be calm when your Ego feels like a novice, a little vulnerable?

How you respond will give you insight about your Egos strengths and weaknesses.



Pain part four: The importance of perception



From Trauma Sensitive Mindfulness

“Through research on people living with osteoarthritis, Dr Tasha Stanton from the University of South Australia has discovered there are many surprising factors that influence pain, including the way a person perceives their own body.

‘If we give people [with osteoarthritis] pictures of their hand at different sizes and we say ‘please pick out which one best represents your hand’, they will choose the image that is significantly smaller.

‘That suggests that there is alteration in their perception of the size of their body part.

‘But it’s not limited to that—we also see problems with their perception of touch. They are not very good at localising where they are being touched and they are not very good at localising where that body part is located in space.’

Stanton says these tests suggest people with chronic pain process location-specific information differently. She hopes to use this new information to develop new treatments.

‘The tack I have taken has been saying: if we have these altered perceptions in people with pain, what if we actually target these perceptions directly?’

Working with people with knee osteoarthritis, Stanton and her team have devised a series of experimental ‘visual illusions’, in which patients wear video goggles while researchers feed them a ‘live video link’ of their knee.

Patients watch the video in real-time, unaware researchers are covertly changing what’s on the screen in front of them.

‘One of the more potent illusions that we use is called the stretch illusion. They are looking down at their knee and suddenly they see it start to elongate, as if the joint is stretching out and being tractioned.

‘At that exact same time, we give a slight pull on the calf muscle.

‘Both the visual and touch information is telling their brain, “Actually, your knee is stretching out big and long!” And for some people, they are getting pain relief with this type of illusion.’

According to Stanton, the research supports other evidence that suggests that information from one sense—like touch or vision—can modulate information that is coming from another sense.

‘Our brain takes information from all these different senses—from touch, from sound, from vision, from movement—it puts all these things together for us to create a perception or a feeling of our own body.

‘It makes sense, then, for treatments to embrace that multisensory nature.’



Pain: Part Three, 3



“For many patients, what’s worse is the invisible nature of their condition.

‘You can’t see pain, and this is a very big thing for these people,’ says Gustin.

‘With my work, I can educate people that it’s a physical pain that results from subtle changes in the brain.’

According to Gustin, the research demonstrates that interaction between brain cells is damaged in the brains of people with chronic pain.

‘It’s in an unhealthy way, and we can change that.

The border, the thalamus, can actually close, and we can do that with neuro-feedback.

‘We can change the way the cells talk to each other and we can actually rewrite the painful memories.’

My thoughts on Control



In my opinion, many think we control our life, our destiny.

In my generation, college was a way to get control of our future.

Control seems to be linked to success, power and possessions.

One thing I have no control of, the 60,000 thoughts that show up everyday.

My influence comes from reacting or not reacting to these thoughts.

A good percentage of my daily thoughts bring worry, doubt, fear and anxiety (childhood trauma).

This is my daily battle, let the noise go or grasp and suffer.

The battle is lost if we engage these unworthy thoughts.

Depression, anxiety, PTSD and other mental disorders incubate around thinking.

Negative emotional thought can dominate life.

If you suffer from PTSD or depression you have experienced the suffering caused by rumination in our past trauma.

The “Ego” believes he/she can control our life through these past thoughts.

If we grant this control, we are a victim and life is full of suffering.



Love yourself, first

Everett Collection



“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line.

You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”

– Lucille Ball –




My two cents: Loving yourself probably seems obvious to most, but to those who were raised by a violent, abusive caregiver, it is a foreign concept.

Even today at 68, unworthy thoughts still arrive in my consciousness daily.

I know the value of being vigilant, being aware of my inner voice (critic).

I can not control the 60,000 thoughts that arrive everyday, but I can let them pass without influence.

We choose where we place our attention.

Choose worthy, positive thoughts.

Choose intelligent areas to excel, to take action, to take risks.

Be content with your effort.



Attachment and C-PTSD: How Complex Trauma Gets in the Way



Attachment and C-PTSD: How Complex Trauma Gets in the Way March 22, 2018 • By Fabiana Franco, PhD, Topic Expert

Complex trauma is what happens when someone experiences multiple incidences of cruelty and abuse in the context of an unequal power relationship. This is most commonly found in people who grew up with abusive or neglectful parents, but also happens to kidnapping victims, prisoners of war, and people in abusive sexual or “romantic” relationships.

The result of this complex trauma is C-PTSD (complex PTSD), which has similar effects to the posttraumatic stress (PTSD) experienced by people who have been in car accidents or similar traumatic events but involves deeper disturbances of the personality.

Many people diagnosed with bipolar and other personality conditions are, in fact, survivors of complex trauma. This requires delving into the individual’s personal history and life story, rather than only analyzing their present symptoms.

Continue reading

It takes a different kind of courage to heal. .



Being courageous athletically meant enduring pain, overcoming psychological challenges and competing fiercely.

Playing professional baseball was like a battle every night, competing for a prize, sacrificing my body for success.

Being courageous with PTSD is completely different.

The battle is non action, passive acceptance and surrender.

I learned to wage war with PTSD by surrendering completely to the storyline as an observer.

I learned to focus on my breath, staying present as my fight or flight mechanism exploded.

My personality was the opposite. Professional Competitive sports is about skill, hard work and intimidation.

In golf most of the field can shoot 62 on a given day. The six inches between their ears is what separates the champions.

Surrendering felt weak, a place of weakness.

I was terrified to surrender when feeling so vulnerable. My heart would pound, that cortisol jolt rocked my being, my nervous system shocked me with electrical impulses and my amygdala spotted imminent danger.

Summoning the courage while meditating one day, I gave up all resistance to my adrenal stress mechanism firing.

I opened my arms wide, exposing my heart, visualizing it as a butterfly net, gently catching my fears, observing, then releasing.

Their was ultimate power in surrendering in the face of the scariest moments, when our nervous system erupts violently.

Staying present, intently aware of my body secreting cortisol and adrenaline, revealed the reality of my triggers.

Observing my trauma from a distance, surrendering to their virtual power, integrated some of my trauma.

Surrendering felt unnatural at first, I was an avid overachiever, a doer.

Well that is how I viewed my creation, my “Ego” at the time.

I had to let go of that mirage of the fighting overachiever.

Funny how PTSD led me on a spiritual journey.



Pandemic brings a Paradigm Change



What thought comes to mind when you view these pics? This was normal before this pandemic and maybe it will return, maybe not.


How soon do you plan on being part of a crowd like these?


Another paradigm change was my “Ego”.


My creation (Ego”) has changed drastically with healing!


My creation (I, me, mine) has evolved because of my meditation practice.


My early creation was unworthy to his core. Constant criticism and violence were the building blocks.


After childhood my young adult suffered with this pure victim creation, my “Ego”.


I felt damaged to my core, not fixable, sentenced to a life of suffering.


Meditation taught me otherwise.


Slowly, with daily practice and determination things shifted.


My unworthy creation was completely inaccurate, more an indictment on my original caregivers, than on an abused child.


Meditation taught me to let my creations die a lonely death. Life was much easier when I was present and aware, free of judgment.


This new “Ego” was worthy, complete and happy at times.


Words can not describe the enormous change on my existence.


I share this so others may not give up hope. If I can dig out of this hole, so can you.


In this moment, right now, my worthiness overflows my being, a calm, confident feeling soothes me.


Life will never approach perfect, the external world still brings scary challenges.


Acceptance has lightened my burden.

More change:



When anger arrives.



When anger, hate, or resentment are present, happiness is not, drama ensues.

When I believe the storyline of unworthiness, depression is my companion.

When desires lead to a feeling of lack, that needy victim comes out to play.

When lost in thought, dissociative and unaware, boredom and confusion are my rewards.

When coveting something from another, my life is hapless and hopeless.

When the need for approval overwhelms all else, I am lost and wasting life.

When I let go and observe life as it is, happiness becomes available.

Identifying with our thoughts and emotions brings suffering, observing them from a distance brings opportunity.

I may struggle at times but I know the path back to observing life in the present.



What can we do?



During these trying times, managing thoughts, emotions and judgments becomes vital.

Think of the mind as a telescope, wherever we point the lens, becomes our focus.

The telescope picks up only the contents of its lens, this small view becomeS our total existence for a period of time.

Can you see how small things can occupy our entire universe.

The minds telescope can look back into memory, predict the future or rest in the present.

Looking into the past and future highlights what we think we could not do.

Pointing the lens to the present moment, opens up the possibilities of what we can do.

The only time available for me to take action is right now.

During this quarantine, the weak mind wants to fuel our inner critic.

We become our thoughts, our perceptions.

Let the inner critic fade, accept the mundane, the inner critic, the isolation as part of our journey.

Life will always bring us challenges.

Accept them or become a victim.

Life is harsh if you believe it.



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