Posts Tagged ‘Anxiety’

Sheila Catherine: subtle motivations behind your speech today

 

Pixabay: vinsky200

 

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Notice the subtle motivations behind your speech today. When is the primary communication merely your own existence?


Sometimes what is said is not very important; what we are really saying is, “notice me, I’m here, I’m special, I am like this, I am.”


It can be useful to grow sensitive to the tendency to seek respect, appreciation, confirmation, praise, or recognition.


You don’t need to squelch these desires should they arise, but notice how they contribute to the development of self-formations.


Are you in a phase in your life when self-formations are valuable, or are you ready to deconstruct these processes?


You can also observe your internal dialog, ruminations, and daydreams.


“Make a note of moments when the thought “I am” forms. How much of your thinking is recreating and reinforcing the story of being you?


What would the experience of your life be like without the burden of incessant becoming?”
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Our doors are open

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It takes strong focus skills to withstand a trigger firing. Our defense mechanism has detected a life threatening situation, reason stops working when this fight or flight fires.

The mind speeds up, time is distorted, perception clouds, panic spreads.

Irrational or PTSD fear makes no difference to a body trying to survive a perceived lethal threat. Cortisol and adrenaline are dumped, respiration, BP and heart rate spike.

Loss of fine motor skills and tunnel vision add to our time distortion and confusing state.

We try to escape at all costs. It is an internal hurricane blowing 200 mph scary thoughts at us.

Sitting quietly, grounded, surrendering to these fears is our ultimate goal.

This is the door to wellbeing, a healing portal of transformation.

We heal by not running, not avoiding, not thinking but accepting, then surrendering to our thoughts (trauma).

This seems an enormous, complex undertaking.

Start with mastering one breath.

Build focus, practice daily, progress to five breaths, then ten, etc.

This simple, specific, concrete, immediate task holds gargantuan, humongous, colossal power.

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Hunting anxiety

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Instead of a Geiger counter looking for radiation, we search with an Anxiety counter for internal unrest.

Our super sensitive focus detects the slightest bit of anxiety and agitation.

We sit quietly, feeling gravities pull on the bottom of our feet and butt.

We are anchored, not moving, not dodging, not avoiding, rather using curiosity as our search criteria.

We explore our inner world, electrical wiring first.

The nervous system becomes our friend through our breath.

An extremely important step.

We are rewiring an abused mind to work like new.

Takes daily focus, ability to explore, to let go and the courage to face your fears.

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A frightened little boy faces adulthood

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Being a narcissist, my father demanded total control, I do not think he meant to shame me. Shame was a by product of the constant criticism, his way of making me a great baseball player.

My father had a dream, having to get married because of a pregnancy at 17; my mom was 16, robbed him of his dream.

He would live his dream through me, he would take all the credit and I would be criticized with every imperfect move he deemed unacceptable.

Even healed, life is much different for a severely abused little boy.

I live a quiet life, I try to give and have plenty of gratitude for myself and others.

Being happy go lucky, knowing everything will turn out all right, I will never know the feeling.

Life is a struggle. This is my challenge, I accept and do my best.

Surviving my father, then healing, uncovered incredible skills along with the damage.

My willpower was a monster. Athletically I could push my body through pain and barriers others could not.

In sports I could defeat stronger, quicker, more athletic guys with willpower and smarts.

Psychologically, I could wear down an opponent, exploit their weaknesses and defeat them.

Unfortunately none of these conquests elevated my unworthy “Ego” or soothed my damaged inner child.

Some of us desire power, money, or status, my father gave me a goal of baseball stardom. He wanted his son to be the best baseball player ever to live. I was more unnatural than natural.

My physical traits were average at best, speed, oh I was slow of foot. I was average size and strength, a middle of the pack kid with a violent possessed narcissistic father.

I felt like a failure at 35. I had graduated college with a BS in chemistry, played seven years professional baseball and now enjoyed success in private life.

None of that dinted my unworthy soul.

Trophies, hall of fame awards were but momentary distractions, trauma ruled my world.

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Willpower and engaging in the battle

rodobby: Pixabay

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“Know that with practice there comes a time when the mind steadies, relaxes, and concentration becomes undivided.”

Buddha

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My two cents: Meditation/Mindfulness is an accumulative practice.

The more you practice, the stronger the focus and benefits.

It is a battle of willpower against our Ego for control of the mind.

Our Ego must believe we are serious, that we are going to change before he/she loosens their grip.

Focus, sit with the breath in the middle of your anxiety and fear.

Curiosity and observation are the tools.

It is a simple task, an extremely challenging one at that.

Accept this challenge, battle for your freedom!

Surrender, be vulnerable, heal.

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Working with Anxiety

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I have had success sitting with those suffering from PTSD or other anxiety disorders.

I am like a security blanket, extra protection, for those trying to heal.

They must trust me enough, to sit still in the middle of there anxiety.

The biggest challenge is having the courage to sit quietly when our fight or flight mechanism explodes.

If I can help them dissipate their anxiety with the breath, life changes.

Knowing we can influence anxieties grip on our life gives us hope.

We are not helpless, we can dissipate anxieties power.

We have to be terrified of our trauma, our anxiety to suffer the awful symptoms of panic, hypervigilance, dissociation etc.

Sitting quietly, focused on the breath first, then focused on the body sensations helps integrate anxiety or trauma.

Judgment has ceased, we have entered the subtleties of our inner 🌎 world.

Once we have organically felt the power to dissipate anxiety, it loses some power.

Our mind follows repetitive thoughts. Like meditation, it is an accumulative practice.

Each time we sit quietly focused dissipating anxiety, each time it loses more power.

A calmer, more confident you will become the new default mode.

Expand your boundaries, search out a mindfulness group or an appropriate support group.

Take action, make a daily plan if you value improving.

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We need not win but we must fight

Pixabay: Michalqiao13591

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In my opinion, results are way above our pay grade. Results have many external influences out of our control.

We must find our purpose in life, then expend total effort with a positive attitude through good and not so good times.

For me, sentenced to an abusive childhood, winning was impossible.

An adult, a giant, had robbed me of my childhood and traumatized my being that would last a lifetime.

Winning was impossible. Feeling normal a dream, feeling worthy, my battle.

My fight was for survival until I could get away from the torture.

Now, my attitude and effort fill my being. Feeling worthy grew from an internal way of being, accepting and giving.

I do not judge myself anymore, I meditate, grow my gratitude and compassion daily.

We need not win but we must fight.

It is the journey we need to work on, not goals, status or approval.

Fighting is not aggressive, in fact fighting trauma, depression or anxiety is accepting, being vulnerable to our fears.

Healing is a humbling journey, the fight is accepting all of us, a worthy soul, a kind friend to all.

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