Posts Tagged ‘Anger’

This emotion is different: Anger; part one

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5 Ways Anger is Not Like Other Emotions By Jonice Webb PhD ~

 

“Anger is not just any old emotion. It’s special.

In fact, it’s so special that a 2017 survey by the Mental Health Foundation of 2000 people found that 28% are sometimes worried about the level of anger that they feel.

First, let’s outline what makes anger different from other emotions, and then we’ll talk about how you can use this information to become happier and healthier in your life.

5 Ways Anger is Special

 

* It’s Motivating: Anger’s purpose is to push you to protect yourself. Anger gives you energy. It’s activating, and it drives you to engage, not withdraw, as most other emotions do.

 

* It Never Stands Alone: Anger is always a result of feeling something else. You feel hurt, marginalized, overlooked, targeted, mistreated or vulnerable. Anger isn’t just an emotion, it’s a constellation of emotions. There are always layers of feelings underneath it, feeding it.

 

* It Seeks a Target: Other emotions can simply be. Anger cannot. Like an arrow shot from the bow, it looks for a target. This is what makes anger so easy to misdirect. It may erupt at the wrong person, in the wrong way and at the wrong time so very easily.

 

* It Can Be Turned Inward or Outward: Sometimes directing our anger at its true target can be acutely uncomfortable, and sometimes we aren’t aware of the true target. This is when we are at risk for turning our anger inward, directing it at ourselves.

 

* It’s Capable of Damaging Your Health: Research has shown that anger prone individuals and people who express their anger as rage are more at risk for heart attacks and cancer.

Anger is a powerful, protective, complex emotion.

Yes, it has potential to do great damage.

But used properly, it also has potential to help you mightily.“
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“The origins of and mechanism behind social anxiety”

 

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Excerpts from Darius Cikanavicius, Author, Certified Coach:
For the most part, social anxiety develops as an adaptation to stressful and hurtful social childhood environments.

 

When a child is small, their whole world consists of their primary caregivers (mother, father, family members, other authority figures). This world slowly expands as they get older, but how people understand social interactions is set. In other words, the examples we are exposed to as children creates blueprints for our future relationships.
Sadly, most if not all of us are traumatized as children to one degree or another. The degree to which we were hurt is the degree to which we will have interpersonal problems. One of the most common interpersonal problems is, indeed, social anxiety.

 

 

Hurt and mistreated children grow up into adults who feel disappointed, distrustful, overly trustful, bitter, angry, clingy, stressed, numb, or emotionally unavailable in relationships and interactions with others.
They have been programmed to feel like that by how they were treated when they were small, helpless, impressionable, and dependent. Back then, acceptance and validation were vital.

 

 

As I write in the book Human Development and Trauma:

“Childhood trauma leads children to become more afraid of the world. When a child’s first and most important bonds are unstable, it is natural and expected that in adulthood they will transfer this lack of a sense of safety and security onto others.”

 

 

Unresolved pain that stems from early relationships can haunt us for the rest of our lives. Early hurt and pain can program us to feel and believe that, generally, people are dangerous. They will hurt us, laugh at us, use and abuse us, punish us, hate us, want us dead, or even kill us.

 

 

It can be understood as a form of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD or C-PTSD) where the trigger is people and social situations because in the past they were a great source of pain.

 

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David Kessler: The Five Stages of Grief; 2. Anger

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2.  ANGER:   Anger is a necessary stage of the healing process. Be willing to feel your anger, even though it may seem endless.

 

The more you truly feel it, the more it will begin to dissipate and the more you will heal.

 

 

There are many other emotions under the anger and you will get to them in time, but anger is the emotion we are most used to managing.

 

The truth is that anger has no limits. It can extend not only to your friends, the doctors, your family, yourself and your loved one who died, but also to God.

 

You may ask, “Where is God in this?

 

Underneath anger is pain, your pain.

 

 

It is natural to feel deserted and abandoned, but we live in a society that fears anger.

 

Anger is strength and it can be an anchor, giving temporary structure to the nothingness of loss.

 

At first grief feels like being lost at sea: no connection to anything.

 

Then you get angry at someone, maybe a person who didn’t attend the funeral, maybe a person who isn’t around, maybe a person who is different now that your loved one has died.

 

Suddenly you have a structure – – your anger toward them. The anger becomes a bridge over the open sea, a connection from you to them.

 

It is something to hold onto; and a connection made from the strength of anger feels better than nothing.

 

We usually know more about suppressing anger than feeling it.

 

The anger is just another indication of the intensity of your love.
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“People exposed to chronic or repeated traumatic events may also lose faith in humanity or have a sense of hopelessness about the future.” By Matthew Tull

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My two cents: I was ashamed to admit my feelings of hopelessness to myself or anyone else. It felt like a glaring character flaw, a damaged human being to me.

 

My childhood was dominated by hopelessness in the face of my narcissistic caregiver. There was no way to win, to be left alone, to escape the abuse.

 

To a child a parent can be a giant, a monster. My abuse started at an early age before my brain had a chance to develop.

 

Hopelessness and helplessness can be awakened by stress, loss and tragedy.

 

My wellbeing depends on my awareness and mindfulness skills.

 

Dissociation in its most basic description, is leaving this present moment to think about the past or future

 


Dissociation leads me towards hopelessness, inflames doubt, worry, fear, anxiety and anger inside me. Triggers explode if our PTSD is active.

 

Staying present extinguishes that flame.

 

Visually, I have learned to look and see without judgment as I focus intently on my breath.

 

One path leads to suffering, the other brings you to this present moment.


This present moment is all we have, then we move to the next moment, nothing more.
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Ricard: Learning to welcome Difficult Emotions

Footpath through dense greenery

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“One crucial aspect of working with our emotions is learning to stop viewing them as obstacles to our happiness.
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We almost always judge the emotions that feel bad as bad; we see them as the enemy, as something to be conquered or eradicated.”
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I think our judging happens without thought, as though it is an involuntary reflex, habitually practiced with every external experience.
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We avoid our own body functions, adrenal stress response (fight or flight), difficult emotions, (fear, anxiety, self doubt, anxiety, etc.), pain or unpleasantness.
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Having the ability to experience awkward, unpleasant, or anxious situations without judgment frees us to experience this current moment.
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Go visit an uncomfortable or awkward situation today without reacting, without judging until these emotions subside.
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Let the storyline go and feel the body sensations, intimately, quietly.
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On the surface judging steals our waking time needed to experience happiness, freedom,the present moment, life.
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99% of all judgments impact our chance of being happy negatively.
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Healing, finding happiness is not a birth right, it is earned through daily work.
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Ricard: Watching Anger with Awareness; part one

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Imagine that you are overcome by very strong anger.
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It seems to you that you have no choice but to let yourself be carried away.
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Helpless, your mind is repeatedly drawn to the object that triggered your rage as iron is drawn to a magnet.
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Someone has insulted you, and the image of this person and his words constantly come to your mind.
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Every time you think of them, you let loose a new flood of resentment, which nourishes the vicious cycle of thoughts and reactions to those thoughts.
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It is time to change your tactics.
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Turn away from the object of your anger and contemplate the anger itself.
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This is a little like watching a fire but no longer feeding it with wood.
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No matter how intense the fire is, in a little time it will go out all by itself.
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Mindfulness addresses Anger!

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Monumental Storm: Photograph by Emma Rogers, National Geographic Your Shot
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When anger surfaces, what follows?
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Anger fuels dissociative thought and judgment. We become angrier the more we grasp it.
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Anger is a choice, do you know this?
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Anger is rarely needed in most daily lives.
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In life threatening scenarios, anger may be needed as a weapon of protection.
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In daily life not so much.
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Anger is gasoline for trauma, PTSD sufferers.
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Let go the storyline of anger and reside where anger manifests itself inside the body.
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