Posts Tagged ‘ACCEPTANCE’

The other side of Criticism

Pixabay: geralt

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Are you a critical person?

Do you criticize your spouse?

Do you criticize your kids.

Do you realize the impact on them?

Do you realize the impact on you?

Do you know there is another choice?

Kindness.

I believe we have a responsibility to be kind, gracious, and helpful to others.

What is the inner critic saying, feeling when you criticize?

Why do you need to criticize?

Does your “Ego” need to feel superior at all costs?

Impossible to be happy with a heart who needs to be mean to others.

The “Ego” brings forth many destructive thoughts to our doorstep.

Are you aware of the destructive (negative) thoughts the “Ego” generates.

Free yourself from thought, give up criticizing.

Criticizing others damages us.

Gratitude, giving and kindness are alternative ways to live and be happy.

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The Haunted Self: Structural Dissociation and the Treatment of Chronic Traumatization

Pixabay: PublicCo

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The first category of action systems that make up personality involves action systems that support individuals in efforts to adapt to daily life; the second category pertains to the action systems for defense from major threat, and recuperation.

Whereas evolution has prepared us both for tasks of daily living and for survival under threat, we are not able to engage with ease in both simultaneously.

Thus when both are necessary, particularly for long periods of time, some individuals develop a rather rigid division of their personality to deal with these very discrepant goals and related activities.

For example, Marilyn Van Derbur (2004), the former Miss America who was molested as a child, described her personality as being divided into a “day child,” that was avoidant, numb, detached, amnesic, and focused on normal life, and a “night child” that endured the abuse and focused on defense.

The lack of cohesion and integration of the personality manifests itself most clearly in the alternation between and coexistence of the reexperience of traumatizing events (e.g., a “night child”) and avoidance of reminders of the traumatic experience with a focus on functioning in daily life (e.g., a “day child”).

This biphasic pattern is a hallmark of PTSD (APA, 1994) and is also observed in patients with other trauma-related disorders.

It involves a division between action systems for defense, those which guide us to avoid or escape from threat, and for functioning in daily life—systems that are primarily for seeking attractive stimuli in life that help us survive and feel well.

This division is the basic form of structural dissociation of the personality.

Trauma-related structural dissociation, then, is a deficiency in the cohesiveness and flexibility of the personality structure (Resch, 2004).

This deficiency does not mean that the personality is completely split into different “systems of ideas and functions,” but rather that there is a lack of cohesion and coordination among these systems that comprise the survivor’s personality.

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PTSD: A New Understanding

Pixabay: Englund

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Summary: The Body Keeps the Score

Technology has shown that trauma has a physical effect on the brain.

It is not simply an event that happened in the past, but an event that has created an imprint in the brain and on the body.

Trauma reorganizes how perceptions are managed by the brain.

The trauma changes how people think, what they think about, and their ability to think.

Telling the story does not change the body’s automatic responses of hypervigilance, preparing to be attacked at any time.

In order to experience real change, the body has to learn that the threat of danger has passed to be able to live in the present reality.

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Complex or Simple: ways to heal

Pixabay: Englund

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Changing life is simple, definitely not easy, bordering on extremely difficult. Most paths are complex, arduous, and long.

One path is immediate, change happens instantly.

Where we place our attention has immediate consequences or rewards, depending how you judge it.

Example: Yesterday Vic shared how a belligerent skateboarder tormented him and then broke his side mirror.

This display threatened his manhood, he surmised. Our male “Egos” resemble a peacock displaying those feathers, sensitive to any threat.

Here is the place where our choice determines life. Place your attention on being a victim, wronged and ridiculed, or use your Focus to resist judging.

Your “Ego” is pissed, accept the adolescents unrest, or take a breath, and smile. Your practice overrides the “Egos” attempt to control behavior (mind).

We can let the skateboarder own his own behavior without any personal involvement.

We could smile at the wisdom of seeing the big picture, the importance of placing our attention on worthy objects.

Know how destructive, some of the thoughts our “Ego” brings forward.

Discount, laugh, ignore the “egos” judgments, victimhood!

The duration of time Vic spends ruminating has shortened, he is improving.

Vic has worked on awareness, listening to the inner critic. Worked on building focus and letting judgments fade without attention.

Healing is not immediate or massive usually, it happens in small increments after daily practice and application.

Hopefully seeing Vic progress using mindfulness skills will inspire you to try.

Healing and happiness are an internal way of living, being.

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A metaphor for Consciousness

Pixabay: johnhain

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The Transparency of Things by Rupert Spira:

Imagine a room filled with people conversing. In this metaphor the space of the room is this conscious, witnessing Presence that we call ‘I’.

The people are thoughts and images, bodily sensations and world perceptions.

There are all sorts of people in the room: large, small, kind, unkind, intelligent, unintelligent, loud, quiet, friendly, unfriendly… a complex diversity of characters, moving, changing, interacting, appearing and disappearing, each doing their own thing.

What does the behaviour of these people matter to the space of the room?

Does the space have anything to gain or lose by trying to change any of the people?

Is the space itself changed when one of the people changes?

The space is independent of the people, although the people are dependent on the space.

The space is present before the people arrive, it is present during their stay and it is present when they depart.

In fact, it is present before the building was constructed and it will be present after it is demolished.

It is always present.

The same is true of Consciousness.

Whatever is being experienced in this moment is taking place within Consciousness, and Consciousness itself remains as it is at all times, unmodified, unchanged, unconcerned.

Consciousness is what we are, and to be as we are is the highest form of meditation.

All other meditations are simply a modulation of this meditation of abidance as we are.

To begin with, meditation may seem to be something that we do, but later we discover that it is simply what we are.

It is the natural condition of all beings.

Enquiring Minds want to know: Lack and Public Speaking

Pixabay: johnhain

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Remember, happiness as the absence of a sense of lack.

Definitely I feel a big sense of lack with public speaking. I am jealous of those who can opine publicly.

We all have lack, depends on the severity, I guess.

I could obsess over my lack of skill in many arenas.

How important is a skill like public speaking?

Exploring my lack, a realization hit me.

My perceived lack was based on thought, judgment and emotion.

My lack could grow or dissipate with my input.

Interesting! Exploring further, my investment of time and attention, wasted so much time on the negative.

This lack was big in the past but has shrunk to an inconvenience in the present.

In my last post, Vic in a response, shared he enjoys public speaking but feels incompetent in my more personal conversations.

For Vic, being adept at public speaking did not lead to happiness. For me, being incompetent at public speaking caused me years of doubt and worry.

We all have our areas of incompetence and awkwardness.

As usual, it comes down to how we think about our areas of incompetence.

The one skill that transcends this, the ability to focus and let go.

The ability to direct our attention away from judgment and emotion to our Aware Presence, can lead to calm, peace and happiness.

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Why do we avoid risk? For me it is Fear!

Pixabay: mohamed_hassan

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Life holds many confusing pieces for me. Thrust into the spotlight at an early , life was more than overwhelming.

In sports my father (coach) corrected (criticized) every play, every at bat, the rest of the world recognized my talent. I was shy, introverted, physically and emotionally abused.

This fear manifested strongest in public speaking. I could play in front of 30,000 but found it impossible to talk to more than a couple at a time.

Public speaking was my greatest fear, being embarrassed in public seemed worse that death. Somehow that could harm me more than death.

Was this fear of my “Ego” being executed, destroyed?

In the midst of this mess, I now run a mindfulness group open to the public. Somehow, I can compartmentalized this situation as safe or something.

Facing my fears has not been easy, but public speaking still remains the greatest fear. My fight or flight mechanism would fire under these circumstances.

Hard to speak when adrenaline and cortisol have flooded your nervous system. Panic impacts the voice and further escalates the terror.

When I built my focus and learned to integrate my childhood trauma, I went searching for all my trigger situations except one.

Public Speaking!

To this day, the thought of being thrust in front of a crowd terrifies me.

Should I feel weak or feel great loss?

Well for me, happiness does not need to have a thrilling public speaker under my belt.

Happiness is not a skill fortunately.

Would being a dynamic public speaker bring happiness for me?

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