Posts Tagged ‘ACCEPTANCE’

Key Developmental Arrests In Cptsd

Pixabay: Devanath

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Complex PTSD: From surviving to thriving

What follows is a list of some of the most common developmental arrests that occur in Cptsd.

You may find that you experience a diminishment or absence of these key features of healthy human being.

Typically, survivors will vary on which and how many of these arrests relate to them.

Factors affecting this are your 4F type, your childhood abuse/ neglect pattern, your innate nature and any recovery work that you have already accomplished.

Self-acceptance

Clear sense of identity

Self-Compassion

Self-Protection

Capacity to draw comfort from relationship

Ability to relax

Capacity for full self-expression

Willpower & Motivation

Peace of mind

Self-care

Belief that life is a gift

Self-esteem

Self-confidence

My efforts to nurture myself in these arrested areas of development were limited and spoiled in early recovery by a feeling of resentment.

“Why do I have to do this?” was a common internal refrain.

Resentment that should have been directed toward my parents often boomeranged onto me and spoiled or thwarted my efforts at self-nurturance.

Thankfully ongoing recovery work helped remedy this resentment. It taught me to practice self-care in a spirit of giving to a child who needed and really deserved to be helped.

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The Inner Critic is not your friend!

Pixabay: Devanath

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Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving:

“Permanent abandonment, public humiliation, lethal illness, lonely death, imminent attack, and penniless homelessness are common endangerment themes of many survivors.

One of my clients identified his inner critic endangerment process as: “My critic, the horror movie producer”. This made me think: “My critic the terrorist”.

If I had to describe the two most key processes of the critic, I would say this.

First, the critic is above all a self-perpetuating process of extreme negative noticing.

Second the critic is a constant hypervigilance that sees disaster hovering in the next moment about to launch into a full-court-press.”

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My two cents: Our inner critic became dominant during our childhood abuse, know our goal is to overthrow this tyrant, this despot of suffering.

We must decide to support the inner critic or Aware Presence.

Ruminate or stay present, suffer or live free.

It is a moment to moment battle, the marathon of life.

The secret is to focus on this moment, then move on to the next moment without baggage!

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Pick a mood or refrain for reality

Pixabay: kordi_vahle

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“Good moods are as fragile as eggs…..and bad moods as fragile as bricks”

David Mitchell

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My two cents: We can let moods ebb and flow without much attention.

I would rather be present, not thinking about this mood or that mood, it is so trivial, and will change with the wind.

I am so much deeper than any such shallow thing as a mood.

Why waste life on a mood?

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C-PTSD environmentally, not genetically, caused.

Pixabay: johnhain

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Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

“First, the good news about Cptsd. It is a learned set of responses, and a failure to complete numerous important developmental tasks.

This means that it is environmentally, not genetically, caused. In other words, unlike most of the diagnoses it is confused with, it is neither inborn nor characterological.

As such, it is learned. It is not inscribed in your DNA.

It is a disorder caused by nurture [or rather the lack of it] not nature.

This is especially good news because what is learned can be unlearned and vice versa.

What was not provided by your parents can now be provided by yourself and others.

Recovery from Cptsd typically has important self-help and relational components.

The relational piece can come from authors, friends, partners, teachers, therapists, therapeutic groups or any combination of these.

I like to call this reparenting by committee.”

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Observing the Thinker

Pixabay

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Aware Presence, I used to describe this as our true self, is the observer of our mind and body.

Our mind and body changes with age, our Aware Presence stays exactly the same.

Aware Presence only exists in the present moment and is not part of the body or mind.

That means we have no memory of our Aware Presence. The thinker has subsided when our Aware Presence comes forward.

Remember we can observe our thoughts and the thinker.

Our Aware Presence observes this Thinker.

Each time we meditate, our goal is to hook up with this Aware Presence.

Start today, meditate for five focused minutes. Start small and enjoy the journey.

No matter what we carry in our memory banks, the amount of worry we have stressed about or the trauma that haunts us, it has no impact on our Aware Presence.

Let thought go, release guilt and shame, try to be present, without thought.

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The Freeze type and dissociative defense

Pixabay: STAANGHERLIN

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Complex PTSD: From surviving to thriving.

Of all the 4F’s, freeze types seem to have the deepest unconscious belief that people and danger are synonymous. While all 4F types commonly suffer from social anxiety as well, freeze types typically take a great deal more refuge in solitude.

Some freeze types completely give up on relating to others and become extremely isolated. Outside of fantasy, many also give up entirely on the possibility of love.

Right-Brain Dissociation: It is often the scapegoat or the most profoundly abandoned child, “the lost child”, who is forced to habituate to the freeze response. Not allowed to successfully employ fight, flight or fawn responses, the freeze type’s defenses develop around classical or right-brain dissociation.

Dissociation allows the freeze type to disconnect from experiencing his abandonment pain, and protects him from risky social interactions-any of which might trigger feelings of being retraumatized.

If you are a freeze type, you may seek refuge and comfort by dissociating in prolonged bouts of sleep, daydreaming, wishing and right-brain-dominant activities like TV, online browsing and video games.

Freeze types sometimes have or appear to have Attention Deficit Disorder [ADD]. They often master the art of changing the internal channel whenever inner experience becomes uncomfortable.

When they are especially traumatized or triggered, they may exhibit a schizoid-like detachment from ordinary reality. And in worst case scenarios, they can decompensate into a schizophrenic experience like the main character in the book, I Never Promised You a Rose Garden.

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Aware Presence part two, 2

Ferrari Enzo That Was Split in Half in PCH Crash Sells for $1.76 Million

Wrecked at 201 mph both driver and passenger walked away unharmed

Full story here: https://www.roadandtrack.com/car-culture/news/a27944/crashed-and-rebuilt-ferrari-enzo-still-expected-to-sell-for-2-million/

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From “The Art of Peace and Happiness”

“If someone were to ask us to turn our attention towards a sensation in the body, a thought or image in the mind or an object in the world, we would have no difficulty, just as we have no difficulty in turning our attention towards these words.

But what if someone were to ask us to turn it towards our self, towards the aware Presence that knows the objects of the body, mind and world?

Try to do that. For instance, try to turn your attention towards whatever it is that is seeing these words.

Some of us may be inclined to turn our attention towards a sensation around the eyes or head, but notice that the eyes and the head are themselves sensations of which we are aware.

Try again to turn your attention towards whatever it is that is aware of these sensations, and is not itself a sensation.

In which direction do we turn? Notice that any direction in which we turn is always towards some kind of an object, more or less subtle.

If we take our attention away from that object and try to turn it towards whatever it is that knows or experiences that object, we are always frustrated.

Every direction turns out to be the wrong one.

It is like standing up and trying to take a step towards one’s own body; every step is in the wrong direction. And yet, at the same time, no step takes us farther away.”

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