Archive for the ‘My Favorites’ Category

Monica’s Request about My Fear!!!!! ************ What it was Like for me at my worst? Fear that is?

My nervous system was full of cortisol, reacting to highly charged, panic and fear.  I tried to battle this fear, but it grew, until my resistance, finally collapsed.

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For six months I awoke in an aroused state from a nightmare, drenched with sweat in a frightened panic.  The sun meant another long, incredibly long day of this, second to second doom and gloom scenario, worse than death.  How could that be?  I did not have a way out from this point.

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I do not share this, however, my fathers brutality and constant criticism manifested itself with thinking people were staring in disapproving ways, toward me.  Somehow avoiding this criticism was saving my life.  Describing this fear with words, is impossible for me.  I shook for hours, worn out from the onslaught each day of fear, just beyond my vision.

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My nervous system was so upset, that my body would dump cortisol without thought.  I had fled to my dark garage alone, even there my mind and fear followed me.

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My hopes were to someday be able to function for some things without this misery.  I knew my fears were irrational, crazy and foolish, but my body obeyed that cortisol and reacted.

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That was a funny time, when I did not believe my triggers but did not have the tools to heal me then.
Hope that helps.  Wow, that brings back some fun times!

Updated:Focused and Fearless: Relinquishment; The path of release!!!!!

a bed of golden, red and maroon coloured autumn fallen leaves

a bed of golden, red and maroon coloured autumn fallen leaves

Pics from http://www.freeimages.co.uk/linktous.htm
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“Let go of every fixation.
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Ultimately this is a path of release.
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The mind may attempt to construct itself on any foundation:
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through attachment to blissful jhanic states;
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by becoming “the one who lets go”;
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by being “the meditator who understands change.”
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Observe and laugh at the antics of the mind.
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Coax it to release its hold, even its attachment to good things.
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Uproot any place you find yourself stuck in, whether it be with the pleasures of the tranquil mind of jhana or in the clarity of insight.
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Resist the urge to keep score of your insights.
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Assessing your meditation practice only fuels grasping.
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Willingness to let go is indispensable.
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Every stage of this path requires a complete relinquishment of both the struggles and the delights, pleasant experiences and painful ones.
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Even the states of samadhi that you diligently cultivate must, in the end, be relinquished.
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The simplicity of one breath

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Vermilion Lakes Sunrise
Photograph by Vitali Hantsevich, National Geographic Your Shot
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Until we can be totally focused on one breath, meditation will be a futile exercise of getting lost in thought after thought. In our society, the mind has been programmed to go fast, handle complex theory and glide on auto pilot.
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The mind resists going slow, being empty, focused on a single object.
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Master one breath, then practice with a series of three breaths. Simplicity and concentration need to be mastered first.
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This maybe a perfect warm up for a ten, twenty or thirty minute sit for the beginner or accomplished meditator.
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Words can not explain the importance of this concept. Mindfulness/Meditation is not an intellectual commodity, we have to sit, do and experience our mind in solitude.
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Trying to meditate for long periods of time initially, may bring frustration and endless thinking. How many individuals reach an empty stage in their meditation practice? Very few. In fact very few practice daily meditation for extended periods of time.
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Until we learn to be with one breath, slowly inhaling, pausing, exhaling and pausing again, will mindfulness blossom. Repetition is simple once a single breath is mastered.
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The genesis of emptiness happens when we master that elusive single breath! I can not overstate this concept, again, it must be experienced, not read or studied.
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The self (Ego) presents many opportunities for us to judge, think or even sabotage our experience.
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Master a set of three breaths then pause. Practice, practice, then expand to five breath sets. Build a solid foundation slowly, deliberately.
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We often try to move way to fast. The Ego (self) wants to dominate, compete and that brings thought, judgment and frustration.
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We want to be seasoned meditators before we are ready.
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Let all goals,thoughts and judgments go.
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Master one single breath.
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Practice, practice, practice.
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Meditating need not be overwhelming!

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Feel the air flow up your nostrils when you inhale. Slow it down, even it out, be your inhale.
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Yes, the mind, the cognitive engine wants to perform complex thought, wants to judge everyone and everything. The Ego desires control through constant input (thought, judgment).
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It takes practice for the mind to let go, to slow down, to be empty and focused on just an inhale.
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Instead of meditating for long periods, focus on a few breaths at a time.
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Meditating seems like a tremendous task only mastered by devout sages. Our connotation sees a monk hidden away in some cave for decades, practicing religiously.
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Mastering one breath seems a better alternative for us common folk.
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It is the same building block for all the sages and Buddhists monks.
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Taking action, even small action, separates those who succeed from those who suffer.
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Small daily action brings significant changes.
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Everyday is good to a meditator!!!


Bowie’s first look at a sea lion and shark: Wonderment!
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Meditators are happy everyday!
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Are you happy everyday?
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Does an emotion or thought have the power to take happiness away?
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A clue: Our internal situation is far more important than all the external stimuli.
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Let go of those expectations, wanting to control life brings no comfort or joy.
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We can train the mind to focus, empty and let go.
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Emotions are temporary, like thoughts without attention!!!!e

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Homemade pizza: Bailey and Brighton.
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Emotions are temporary, like thoughts, they have an origination spot (inside somewhere), arrive in our consciousness, then return back from whence they came.
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Emotions bring RESTLESSNESS,
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because we hold onto them.
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We try to extend happy emotions.
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We attach highly charged emotions to desire, thus desire becomes need, need becomes necessity.
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Emotion is never satisfied because it  is so ephemeral we cling to them like gold.
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We all have friends or acquaintances, who live a highly strung emotional existence.
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Never would I partner being happy with a person like this.
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You will not find real happiness cultivating emotions.
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Mindfulness did things, opened things I was not expecting!

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Http:freebigpictures.com
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I would be the last person you would find on a spiritual journey. Necessity (C-PTSD, depression and agoraphobia) changed all that. I just wanted to heal, to regain a little of my life back.
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Then, Mindfulness opened up my compassion center, ushered in a strong sense of gratitude, revealing the importance of giving.
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When I entered the Zen center, awakening was not my goal, relieving my suffering occupied all of my existence.
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When I started a mindfulness practice, being compassionate, giving to others was not my goal.
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I was clueless, what I was playing with had far more energy and power than perceived.
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Gratitude: Letting desire be powered by reason, knowing what we have is more than most, a hot shower alone, a precious gift for so many.
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Be aware of all the needy around you, do not look the other way, look to share something, look to make a difference in you and them.
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Take a trip to the children’s ward of your local hospital, look and feel, then give freely.
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If we can not see our blessings, certain places will jog our memory.
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Volunteer at a soup kitchen, gratitude will grow, giving will arrive.
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Gratitude leads to giving, giving leads to peace of mind, then happiness.
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Gratitude and giving delegate the ego to the back of the bus.
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Let your inner guide drive this vehicle now.
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