Archive for the ‘Assorted’ Category

I have absorbed the body trauma meditating yesterday

https://pixabay.com/users/PublicDomainPictures-14/

.

.

Yesterday, I meditated five hours total in one hour increments. A past Trauma popped up with all its emotional terror, being trapped inside my body.

Trauma is stored at the time it occurs and with the ability at that age. My 19 year old self is much different than this 68 year old self.

The power, the intensity, the sheer anger and hurt shocked me.

All my skills had not stopped this trauma from taking over for a week.

Yesterday during my meditative sets, I brought the event to the surface, then observed all the fear, shame, anger and confusion without reaction.

I learned this as titration, you bring your trauma up for a couple minutes of thought, then meditate. The goal is to settle the nervous system back to normal.

Yes, I triggered myself, so I could integrate the fear. It is the road less travelled for sure.

That’s how healing happened originally. Triggers always caused me to avoid until I realized healing goes directly through the center of our fear (trauma).

The goal is not to squash the danger, it is to do nothing, accept and surrender from a distance.

This process integrates the stored trauma from the body and amygdala.

It is a very simple process, however it takes a strong ability to focus and courage to face our fears.

As long as our trauma has these strong negative emotions to reinforce its storyline, we lose.

For a couple of days, I was a victim, experiencing the tragedy in its full power.

It takes me a while for the mind to grapple with the demon.

Today, my system has absorbed most of the stored trauma, settled closer to my normal existence. I have separation of my 19 year old ego and my 68 year old ego again.

I forgot the intensity, the confusion and the outright terror PTSD wields when aroused. It’s been five years since anything like this has happened.

What seemed overwhelming last week, has shrunk to very unpleasant.

Settling the nervous system makes PTSD much easier to handle.

Thoughts?

Writing a few post with me suffering with PTSD, was difficult sharing the last couple of days. I knew everyone would be watching to see how I would handle it.

Do I just talk the talk or walk the walk. I have an added responsibility to not feel sorry for myself or be a victim. That actually adds to my motivation to never give in, never give up.

.

.

True Love from Bite Sized Happiness

https://pixabay.com/users/langll-822640/

.

.

A little girl was suffering from a serious disease.

Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 7 year-old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had the antibodies to combat the illness.

The doctor explained the situation to her little brother and asked him if he’d be willing to give his blood to his sister.

He hesitated for only a moment, took a deep breath and said, “Yes, I’ll do it if it will save her.”

As the transfusion progressed, lying next to his sister, he smiled as he saw the color returning to her cheeks.

Then his face grew pale and his smile faded.

He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, “

Will I start to die right away?”

True love.

.

.

” The Real You” from Bite Size Happiness

https://pizzazzerie.com/recipes/green-chile-cheese-bites/?utm_medium=social&utm_source=pinterest&utm_campaign=tailwind_smartloop&utm_content=smartloop&utm_term=2039798

.

.

“When you’re talking to yourself, have you ever wondered which voice is the real you: the one talking or the one listening?

Pay attention, the real you is compassionate and inclusive.

The false one compares, criticizes and complains.

Listen to the real one. It’s the voice of love. “

.

.

5 Vagus Nerve Stimulation Exercises

vagus nerve stimulation Dr. Arielle Schwartz

.

From https://drarielleschwartz.com/natural-vagus-nerve-stimulation-dr-arielle-schwartz/#.XvjaxSUiclQ

Unless you have a surgically implanted device you actually cannot directly stimulate your vagus nerve; however, you can indirectly stimulate your vagus nerve to relieve keyed up or shut down nervous system states.

Remember, your vagus nerve passes through your belly, diaphragm, lungs, throat, inner ear, and facial muscles.

Therefore, practices that change or control the actions of these areas of the body can influence the functioning of the vagus nerve through the mind-body feedback loop. You can try these from the comfort of your living room:

  • Humming: The vagus nerve passes through by the vocal cords and the inner ear and the vibrations of humming is a free and easy way to influence your nervous system states. Simply pick your favorite tune and you’re ready to go. Or if yoga fits your lifestyle you can “OM” your way to wellbeing. Notice and enjoy the sensations in your chest, throat, and head. (Learn about Vagus Nerve Stimulation with Yoga here).

  • Conscious Breathing: The breath is one of the fastest ways to influence our nervous system states. The aim is to move the belly and diaphragm with the breath and to slow down your breathing. Vagus nerve stimulation occurs when the breath is slowed from our typical 10-14 breaths per minute to 5-7 breaths per minute. You can achieve this by counting the inhalation to 5, hold briefly, and exhale to a count of 10. You can further stimulate the vagus nerve by creating a slight constriction at the back of the throat and creating an “hhh”. Breathe like you are trying to fog a mirror to create the feeling in the throat but inhale and exhale out of the nose sound (in yoga this is called Ujjayi pranayam).

  • Valsalva Maneuver: This complicated name refers to a process of attempting to exhale against a closed airway. You can do this by keeping your mouth closed and pinching your nose while trying to breathe out. This increases the pressure inside of your chest cavity increasing vagal tone.

  • Diving Reflex: Considered a first rate vagus nerve stimulation technique, splashing cold water on your face from your lips to your scalp line stimulates the diving reflex. You can also achieve the nervous system cooling effects by placing ice cubes in a ziplock and holding the ice against your face and a brief hold of your breath. The diving reflex slows your heart rate, increases blood flow to your brain, reduces anger and relaxes your body. An additional technique that stimulates the diving reflex is to submerge your tongue in liquid. Drink and hold lukewarm water in your mouth sensing the water with your tongue.

  • Connection: Reach out for relationship. Healthy connections to others, whether this occurs in person, over the phone, or even via texts or social media in our modern world, can initiate regulation of our body and mind. Relationships can evoke the spirit of playfulness and creativity or can relax us into a trusting bond into another. Perhaps you engage in a lighthearted texting exchange with a friend. If you are in proximity with another you can try relationship expert, David Snarch’s simple, yet powerful exercise called “hugging until relaxed.” The instructions are to simply “stand on your own two feet, place your arms around your partner, focus on yourself, and to quiet yourself down, way down.”

Hidden trauma resurfaces, opening up the deepest cut of my life

https://pixabay.com/users/SoFuego-507806/

.

.

My healing journey always followed my inner guide. I trusted this guide would bring forth trauma that needed integrated when I was ready.

Access to my inner guide needed meditation as the vehicle to enter into my subconscious world.

At times even following the inner guide PTSD was still overwhelming when it exploded.

I believed total healing was possible. For a two year period, I was free of doubt and worry, triggers never fired and intrusive thoughts had subsided.

This was a euphoric time for me. The cessation of suffering felt miraculous.

Then one day my symptoms reignited from a side effect of a prescribed blood pressure medicine.

No new trauma had surface with this event, it was all nervous system exploding. It took a while but I settled my nervous system down.

Stunned this week, a powerful and shameful trauma exploded into my consciousness.

No way did I think any incident in my life could be stronger that a whole childhood of abuse.

Hidden below my childhood, the event that emotionally killed my trust popped forward.

This event keeps presenting itself in vivid color without any input from me. It runs on its own with an emotionally charged storyline.

I am bombarded with horrible images of public betrayal when I was 19. The imagined scene is so embarrassing and demeaning, it takes my breath away.

It has haunted me this week and stole my sense of value in life.

Without my fight or flight firing, this event brings ridicule and shame in force.

Emotionally it has numbed me, I feel the hurt like I was 19 again.

There is no danger of ptsd gaining power again, however it has brought a great sadness from it’s deep grave.

My “Ego” was emotionally scarred for life from this event. My childhood gave me trust issues and this event extinguished what was left.

I did not know this was the source of my lost trust until this week. This event never entered my consciousness, never had this trauma memory see the light of day until this week.

PTSD has been much more complex, more secretive than I ever thought possible.

Hard to believe anything is below this disaster.

.

.

Meditation is a matter not of theory

Pixabay:Pexel

This is a very healing action!

.

.

“Meditation is a matter not of theory but of practice, just as it does not satisfy your hunger to read a restaurant menu if you are not going to eat something from it.“

Matthew Richard

.

.

My two cents: Meditation is not an intellectual property, reading a book or taking a class helps little.

Our healing will happen internally by our own action.

This action for me was meditating and integrating.

If this does not work for you, then find an action.

As one therapist told me, if you have to limp, get out on the dance floor.

The conditions for those of us with ptsd are never going to be perfect.

Each trigger, I forced myself to stay present for one breath before I avoided, denied or froze. In time that one breath grew to two, then five and eventually ten.

By that time panic had calmed and I guess I ate the elephant a bite at a time. Small actions work.

I could of labeled those stepping stones failures instead they were valued as successes.

We need Little Successes and that happens with daily activity and direction.

.

.

Urgency, urgency, urgency

https://pixabay.com/get/55e6d7464e52a914f6d1867dda35367b1c3cdce251537540_1920.jpg?attachment=

.

.

Something I never experienced in a chiropractors or therapist office is urgency.

Many times someone would say, I have been in therapy for 17 years, feeling proud of the effort, I think.

Their mouths drop when I ask, why they never thought 17 years and no improvement was a failure.

Many believe the therapist is responsible for healing, so we keep going, waiting for them to heal us. It will never happen.

Urgency starts with taking responsibility for your healing.

I was a pro athlete, we trained in the off season to improve our weaknesses for next season. If the new season does not bring improvements, we will change our program.

We put in the work and we expect results.

No matter the path you choose, expect results.

Have the courage to change, to adapt, to add urgency.

I expect my therapist to care and want me to heal as quick as possible.

My healing had the highest level of urgency.

If yours is not, better rethink your path.

Have a purpose, feed it urgency with daily work.

.

.

Trauma Victims deal with sensations in the body

https://pixabay.com/users/jplenio-7645255/

.

.

“Trauma victims cannot recover until they become familiar with and befriend the sensations in their bodies. . . . Physical self-awareness is the first step in releasing the tyranny of the past.”

Bessel van der Kolk

.

.

My two cents: Trauma is stored in the mind and body, we have certain areas where our trauma manifests.

Mine is around my solar plexus.

The secret is learning to observe these sensations without judgment or reaction.

If we do not sit still with our awareness intently focused, how will we ever know our internal world (reality).

The more familiar I became with my trauma, the more I understood its mechanism.

Trauma needs fear to exist.

When my fight or flight mechanism lost power, life took a giant step towards healing.

Takes practice and courage to face our adrenal stress response, calmly.

If you are like me, looking to the past brings agony, making any comparison to others can drive us nuts and predicting the future has to much worry.

The only place that is free for me is this moment, empty of thought, empty of loss and most of traumas impact.

.

.

A trauma memory, my worst, surfaces after 50 years!

https://pixabay.com/users/Clker-Free-Vector-Images-3736/

Trauma feels dangerous when it explodes.

.

.

The last two posts have detailed how fear and shame add strength and confusion to our symptoms.

To heal, we must face these past traumas that have ruined our life.

For me, it was an entire childhood raised in violence and criticism.

My abuse occurred before my brain developed.

My abuse was intertwined with the development of the mind.

We heal by observing our trauma when it explodes or the intrusive thoughts start rolling.

Integration happens when we stay present, accepting and then surrendering to what terrifies us.

I thought mine was over but an incident burning beneath my childhood resurfaced.

When trauma surfaces, it arrives at the age it occurred.

This happened when I was 19, in college.

The intensity and rage connected to this memory depresses me.

This is unresolved and stronger than my childhood trauma.

My traumatized 19 year old needs comforted and the ability to feel self worth return.

He needs to know it is long over and it is safe now.

The shame connected to this trauma destroyed my ability to trust for 50 years.

I have found the source of the betrayal, always running well hidden below what I thought was the worst culprit, my childhood.

Hard to separate my 19 year old ego from present day 68 year old Marty.

Our trauma fears resemble our greatest terror we can imagine.

Now, my fight or flight mechanism stays calm, saving me untold suffering.

What is left are the intense shameful emotions, thoughts, judgments and the desire for revenge.

That is the 19 year old who is stuck, suffering all this time.

It is a burden I hid so deep, it has stayed buried 50 years.

Our work is never done.

This is not an easy life.

.

.

Second barrier———Shame: from “Trauma Sensitive Mindfulness”

https://pixabay.com/users/Wokandapix-614097/

.

.

A second barrier to integrating trauma is shame.

Connected to humiliation, demoralization, and remorse, shame is a complex, debilitating emotion that often arrives with traumatic stress.

A person who was sexually abused may berate themselves for not having fought back—even though they may know it would have made matters worse.

A soldier who freezes under fire during combat is demeaned by others, and comes to feel fundamentally flawed.

Someone who is discriminated against can internalize the form of oppression being directed at them and begin to feel defective and unworthy.

Shame is a powerful, paralyzing force.

.

.

%d bloggers like this: