Archive for the ‘Assorted’ Category

My childhood was extremely violent: life was a battleground

From https://www.corpun.com/car1.htm

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Today I felt that old familiar total helplessness. Cortisol and adrenaline released in small quantities, but that feeling a huge man was about to beat my ass violently, gripped me.

The level of violence my dad perpetrated on me was intense. A specially made paddle with holes was hand made at the cabinet shop.

He was proud of his creation, he was a narcissist, I was his pawn.

Once a week at dinner, Lima beans were served. When my gag reflex would not let me ingest them, I puked, then got beat until he got tired.

Once a week.

Imagine if I did something wrong, his level of violence and rage escalated. Emotionally, constant criticism was his preferred vehicle of conversation.

After all my healing, all my meditating and practice, that demon still lives in my nervous system.

Childhood trauma leaves scars, some last the rest of our life.

My choice is obvious, avoid and isolate or accept, let go and be present.

It is always a simple solution to yesterday’s problems.

External stimulus either controls our mind or we focus and direct our attention to this moment.

My practice has not eliminated the damage but made it possible to enjoy life and experience happiness.

At every breath we have a choice, give in to judgment or stay present, focused and alive.

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We can be happy in the midst of turmoil

Pixabay: geralt / 20724 images

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Meditation builds focus, it allows us to experience stressful situations fully, then release them.

Our ability to let go, then come back to now, releases us from suffering.

My “Ego” can be upset, pissed, or agitated, but that is not my concern.

“Egos” are never equal to another “Ego”, thus creating a competition for approval, status and power.

Let other “Egos” own their behavior, taking things personally draws us into a losing battle.

We waste our moments, defending an adolescent ”Ego”, always creating drama in our life.

I can be happy when my “Ego” is upset, angry or attacked.

I can also get involved, ruminating, exploring what if’s, suffering, wasting my life on nonsense.

I need less approval, it has changed my life.

The man in the mirror has become a friend, I approve.

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Another Acceptance post

Pixabay: mstlion

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Acceptance was difficult for me. Struggling to accept who I was, became extremely arduous.

How do you accept a damaged self image, an abusive childhood, in this moment? I struggled.

I avoided, tried to fix me and suffering ensued.

As most humans, I thought change was needed, I could achieve something to gain happiness in the future.

Happiness only happens in one time zone, NOW!

Happiness is impossible to experience in the future.

So we trade our only chance for happiness in for some euphoric prize in the future.

Realize this is a mirage created by our “Ego” craving control of our body.

Accept all of you, grow gratitude and giving, then let go and enjoy the moment, it is all there is.

Whether we accept ourselves totally or live a life of worry or doubt, death visits all of us.

We are here to pursue happiness.

Happiness contains acceptance, gratitude, giving and a focused empty mind.

It’s about fully entering into our experience—residing in the physical reality of the present moment.

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Lets get Creative: The Ego as Ventriloquist Dummy

Pixabay: makeitclear / 6 images

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My Ego, my definition: He is the one who thinks, who gets angry, pissed, envious, even adolescent, craving approval, chasing pleasure.

A creative idea sprung forward. Why not treat my Ego like a ventriloquist dummy, an appendage type puppet.

Refer to him in the third person, an adolescent character, a virtual mini-me.

This fictitious character was created for identity, a bit player, not a starring role in our life.

Discount emotions, focus, explore below the surface, life is much, much deeper, if you just let go and observe.

That dummy can occupy way to much of our life.

Realize that dummy never feels equal to any other dummy he meets.

That dummy craves superiority, dominance, adulation.

My dummies cravings bring suffering and anguish.

Happiness is not connected with our Ego.

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We should train our soldiers, PTSD WOULD DECLINE

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Matthew Ricard from “Happiness”

After the Chinese invasion of Tibet in 1959, Tenzin Choedrak, the personal physician of the Dalai Lama, was first sent to a forced labor camp in northeastern Tibet along with some one hundred others.

Five prisoners, himself among them, survived.

He was transferred from camp to camp for nearly twenty years and often thought that he would die of hunger or of the abuse inflicted on him.

A psychiatrist who specializes in post-traumatic stress and who treated Doctor Choedrak was astonished that he showed not the least sign of post-traumatic stress syndrome.

He was not bitter, felt no resentment, displayed serene kindness, and had none of the usual psychological problems, such as anxiety, nightmares, and so on.

Choedrak acknowledged that he occasionally felt hatred for his torturers, but that he always returned to the practice of meditation on inner peace and compassion.

That was what sustained his desire to go on living and ultimately saved him.

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My two cent: Suicide is extremely rare or non existent for these world class meditators.

Amazing what we can endure if we let our judgments go, then stay present.

Inner peace and compassion sustained this monk for twenty years.

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Let’s practice not being special!

Pixabay: dozemode

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Today, relinquish all desire to be special. Can you tolerate being ordinary or even inept at something new.

Anything we struggle with, is a great proving ground for not being special. Join an expert group you have no knowledge about the subject.

When we are the novice, having nothing to add to the group, how does your “Ego” react.

Does he/she discount this group as not important, or lobby to exit this group. One thing for sure, our “Ego” does not like not being special.

We can learn our “Egos” personality in situations like this.

Observe his/her judgments and bias.

Do you agree with these judgments.

Do your “Egos” judgments harm or benefit your being?

In truth most harm!

Explore your inner world, know when the “Ego” is leading, judging and dominating.

Learn to observe, that is be present as the Aware Presence.

Aware Presence has no memory or thought, it is a neutral observer.

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The Big Lie about Antidepressants!

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Has it ever been proven that a pill, an antidepressant healed anyone suffering from depression. Current commercials have a doctor agreeing that many who take antidepressants are still depressed.

His solution is a booster pill for the original antidepressant.

Antidepressants can give some relief, in fact, their purpose is to allow us to do the work of healing depression.

No pill can take away those negative, unworthy, hopeless thoughts.

We would not have therapists if pills could heal disorders.

We have general physicians passing out antidepressants like candy to depressed housewives.

Antidepressants are weird drugs that take time to work and have enormous side effects. We often do not look at the interactions of other prescriptions we are taking.

I bet you have a friend on antidepressants. I bet he/she still has depressive issues.

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This is the ad for Rexulti: a booster for your antidepressant

“You shouldn’t have to give up the progress you may have already made with your current antidepressant.

REXULTI is for people who’ve been on an antidepressant for at least 8 weeks and are still experiencing symptoms of depression. When taken with your antidepressant, REXULTI may help you feel better by reducing symptoms of depression. Ask your doctor if REXULTI is right for you.”

Side effects

it is not known if REXULTI is safe and effective in people under 18 years of age.

IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION:

Increased risk of death in elderly people with dementia-related psychosis. Medicines like REXULTI can raise the risk of death in elderly who have lost touch with reality (psychosis) due to confusion and memory loss (dementia). REXULTI is not approved for the treatment of patients with dementia-related psychosis.

Antidepressant medicines may increase suicidal thoughts or actions in some children, teenagers, or young adults within the first few months of treatment. Depression and other serious mental illnesses are the most important causes of suicidal thoughts or actions. Some people may have a particularly high risk of having suicidal thoughts or actions. Patients on antidepressants and their families or caregivers should watch for new or worsening depression symptoms, especially sudden changes in mood, behaviors, thoughts, or feelings. This is very important when an antidepressant medicine is started or when the dose is changed. Report any changes in these symptoms immediately to the doctor. REXULTI is not approved for the treatment of people younger than 18 years of age.

Do not take REXULTI if you are allergic to brexpiprazole or any of the ingredients in REXULTI. Allergic reactions have included rash, facial swelling, hives and itching, and anaphylaxis, which may include difficulty breathing, tightness in the chest, and swelling of the mouth, face, lips, or tongue.

REXULTI may cause serious side effects, including:

Stroke in elderly people (cerebrovascular problems) that can lead to death.

Neuroleptic Malignant Syndrome (NMS): Tell your healthcare provider right away if you have some or all of the following symptoms: high fever, stiff muscles, confusion, sweating, changes in pulse, heart rate, and blood pressure. These may be symptoms of a rare and serious condition that can lead to death. Call your healthcare provider right away if you have any of these symptoms.

Uncontrolled body movements (tardive dyskinesia). REXULTI may cause movements that you cannot control in your face, tongue or other body parts. Tardive dyskinesia may not go away, even if you stop taking REXULTI. Tardive dyskinesia may also start after you stop taking REXULTI.

Problems with your metabolism such as:

high blood sugar (hyperglycemia): Increases in blood sugar can happen in some people who take REXULTI. Extremely high blood sugar can lead to coma or death. If you have diabetes or risk factors for diabetes (such as being overweight or having a family history of diabetes), your healthcare provider should check your blood sugar before you start taking REXULTI and during your treatment.

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