Archive for the ‘Assorted’ Category

My “Ego” is Stealthy, Adolescent and Manipulative!

Awareness brings my manipulative “Ego” into focus. I believe some of this is hard-wired from my abusive, critical, and violent childhood. My “Ego” has never felt equal to another “Ego” (yours either).


The need for approval, for being appreciated, runs deep in my unworthy inner child. That critic, that resentful little voice, tears at my wellbeing.


Take this blog,:  I have to admit, I want relevance, approval for my knowledge, my blog.   Yes, having a 100,000 avid followers would stroke my “ego” and brings a feeling of relevance.   I see this as shallow and impermanent but it has power at times.



Does having more followers equal happiness?   Ask yourself if 90,000 left one day, how would that feel?  The crowd is very fickle and can turn against you.


This attachment makes me vulnerable to external forces, a path to suffering and anxiety.


Following this unworthy dialogue backwards, it is a perceived need that leads me to suffer. My “Ego” has felt unworthy, not good enough, almost shameful when PTSD is active. My “Ego” feels threatened as an adolescent at times.

When I meditate and examine this dilemma, approval or criticism is external. Also criticism or approval can change outside my influence. My life suffers when I buy into this belief. It is a mirage!

I am aware when my “Ego” feels insulted or damaged. He wants to retaliate against a perceived threat. He thinks retaliation can change my unworthiness.


It is such a subconscious, complex mechanism from childhood abuse. Life activates this difficulty from time to time.

I thought healing, emptying my amygdala of all the stored trauma would last forever. Now I know somethings will always be below the surface, capable of bringing that hell back into my life.


Knowing approval, respect or criticism has nothing to do with my wellbeing does not quell its massive need to protect itself.

I have learned to be intensely aware of my “Egos” need to be resentful, childish, reactive and destructive.


For some of us, a constant vigil of awareness is needed.

Combining Two Effective Therapies To Help Codependents

I find this insightful and helpful on my journey.

Dr Nicholas Jenner

Codependency is a complex issue and many therapists doubt its existence. They might agree somewhat with the classic definition of codependency where an enabling partner helps an addict maintain his addiction but the idea of codependency in relationships, the love addiction, is disputed. However, codependency in relationships is something I see and work with every day in my practice and I am convinced it is a concept that affects many relationships.

Once this is established, the question is, what can be done about it? How do you unravel the roots of codependency and the enmeshment with another person? Where do you start to deal with thoughts and feelings first established in childhood? How do you break the cycle of sacrifice and enabling? There are, of course, many approaches aimed at dealing with codependency and its effects and therapists and organisations have their favourites. I have dealt with codependents for years…

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My goal meditating: a mind focused and empty of thought

My goal is to build focus on the breath, strong enough, so thoughts clear and my mind is empty. An exploration of my inner world is possible from this space.

If my mind is filled with thoughts, I am not meditating, more like thought daydreaming.

When I first started a mindfulness practice, thoughts filled my sets. It took time, dedication and a daily practice to reach no-thought.

It took a very specific, intense focus to let my thoughts clear.

This is the challenge to train the mind,  slowing it down and emptying itself of thought.

I will always have some of the reported 60,000 thoughts that cross my path daily.


My goal is not perfection, or the elimination of thought.


My goal is to establish a silent space, focused and secure, available when things go sideways.


Once an empty mind is reached, work on many issues and applications can commence.

All the magic happens when my mind is focused, empty of thought.


It takes practice and dedication to reach empty.


It is extremely simple but very difficult for most people.

Amelia Earhart: the process is its own reward.”



“The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward.”

– Amelia Earhart
My two cents: From a distance, it seems she lived her life full-out.

“The process is its own reward”: Life is a journey, taking action is the goal, it is the reward, results are fleeting.


The goal is to limit our attachments to possessions, titles, power, and trophies.


Some Buddhists give up all worldly possessions and their attachments to them.


Maybe we could try to bring more perspective to our attachments.

An incredible feat!

“May your choices reflect your hopes not your fears.”

– Nelson Mandela
Think it is to difficult letting thoughts go?



Think enduring a mundane existence is difficult?


Examine this incredible life, one of sacrifice and service.



Remember chasing pleasure is not the road to happiness.


Mandela sure did not chase pleasure but his life changed a country!


Mandela spent 27 years in prison, upon returning to society, released his hate and forgave his abusers.


Beside this monumental compassion, he had the wisdom to unite his country.
Hard to find a more amazing feat in our generation, in my opinion.

Thoughts: Let’s be Prepared!

Of the 60,000 thoughts that cross our consciousness daily, nearly all are unknown to anyone but us. Without our attention and then sharing with others these thoughts do not exist.

These thoughts have the power to haunt us, to power depression, anxiety, PTSD and other disorders.

Lost in thought our fears can grow to monstrous levels inside our brains.
Thoughts can stop us from taking action, from living fully or sentence us to a lifetime of suffering.

Thoughts are just air, transparent and harmless without attention, the power we bestow upon them.


Meditation/Mindfulness is a focus practice that allows us to let the 60,000 thoughts pass on through unnoticed.


A seasoned meditator trains his/her mind to stay in the present moment, observing without judgment what our senses perceive.


It takes the wisdom to know nothing more exists at this moment, as mundane as most moments of life currently unfold.


My recommendation is to have a plan when negativity arrives from these bombardments of endless thought.


Have a list of countermeasures:

An affirmation, “In this moment, right now, I accept all of me. Insert this sentence in place of any negative thought. Thoughts need time in our consciousness to influence our behavior.  The longer we spend lost in thought the more powerful they become.


Refuse to entertain any of these thoughts.

A gratitude list to say out loud. I am grateful for my health, my opportunity to heal, the air we breathe, nature, sustenance, friends, my ability to give and have compassion, etc.


A giving list of those we help. Review the ways you help others in need, the way you volunteer and bring kindness to those you meet. The small gifts of a smile and kind words.


Action list we undertake to keep busy. Could be aerobic exercise, gardening, or a daily chore. My kitchen has been under repair for a week. No water with three little kids has been a pain in the ass.

My thought was the gratitude I have for running water, that I took for granted until now. A negative can be a positive when looked at through giving and gratitude.


Life is not easy, let your actions determine who you are, not your thoughts. Be prepared.

How do we Practice?


If we examine two concert pianists, two professional athletes, or two people attempting a new skill, how do their practice habits impact their performance?


The obvious habits of dedication, hard work and discipline influence performance in a major way.


Another area we may overlook is the ability to make mistakes, think outside the box.
Trying new things brings a vulnerable, awkward feeling. We desire to be accomplished, proficient and confident. Making mistakes does not feel like that.



Growth, improvement and satisfaction are the rewards for our risking.
We fear embarrassment and that feeling limits our growth.


I worked with a concert pianist a few years back. He tried to be perfect not only during a performance but during practice.

It limited his growth and stole his enjoyment of playing.

With daily focus and acceptance, he agreed that a half hour a day, he would tolerate mistakes.



I suggested he start playing from the middle of a piece and practice a short part of the composition. This was a moment of freedom for him, a big weight removed.
Now, he could enjoy himself, rather than be responsible for pleasing the composer, his teacher and the audience.


I challenged him to speed up, go fast and accept stumbling now, to be more proficient later.


There was no room for his needs or enjoyment with perfection as a goal.


The next day it was like he found a whole new area of opportunity. He could relax and just play for the first time.


If we can not allow ourselves to make mistakes, we limit our ceiling of growth (my opinion).

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