Benne Brown: It’s everything you have to deal with the rest of your life.

https://pixabay.com/users/rebcenter-moscow-6351207/

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“Experience: When I think of shame I think of being sexually abused when I was growing up.

I think about what that’s done to my life and how it’s changed everything.

It’s not just the abuse itself.

It’s everything you have to deal with the rest of your life.

It’s like you feel different from anyone else; nothing is ever normal for you.

Everything is about that.

I’m not allowed just to have a regular life.

That is the thing that made me who I am and so everything is stained by that.

That’s what shame is for me.

Emotions: Feeling labeled, dismissed, misunderstood and reduced.

Emotions might include grief, loss, frustration and anger.

Dig Deep: Have you ever been defined by an experience? Found yourself unable to get out from under a reputation or “an incident”?

Have you ever been unfairly labeled?

Have you ever had people attribute your behaviors to an identity you don’t deserve?

Have you ever fought to overcome something, only to find others less than willing to move past it?”

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2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by rudid96 on September 16, 2020 at 2:15 pm

    The opening of this post is one of which I’m very familiar. No matter where I go or who I meet, there’s always this unspoken voice that lets me know I’m different. If only they only knew….Careful to control what I say to anyone lest the curtain is pulled back from events of the past. They’re still a large barrier to connection.

  2. Welcome to the club.

    Rudid96 I always tried to blend in. My fathers abuse dominated my home life, having a big nose made me a target at school.

    Early in I did not stand a chance or have a safe place or someone to confide in.

    One day later in life I was ok with being different.

    I was different, much different than any of my friends. They had no clue how my mind worked, how being in survival mode changed the wiring in my brain, the frequency of neurotransmitters being secreted into my nervous system

    When they were at ease and comfortable I would be a breath away from panic

    It is ok to be be different.

    I embrace it now, am not ashamed of it

    I think it makes me unique

    I have gained many skills others do not have Surviving my childhood and other traumas.

    In my special areas I am stronger than the normal ones.

    My willpower has never been outdone

    You could not outwork me or withstand the intensity I would bring to your doorstep

    Then socially I was a lamb I had my areas that were under developed or absent

    But I am happy at times and finally proud of what I have done with a violent abusive life

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