A member of my mindfulness group schools me on my male Ego

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One of the female members of my mindfulness group, schooled me on my male Ego’s bias.

A pointed text, asks me why I was reacting so deeply, feeling betrayed, because of something that happened to another person (girlfriend). Never thought of this event in that way.

She said I was only going to heal by taking ownership over my own reactions, taking responsibility for letting the past impact today. Wow, that should of been my line.

As a male at 20, I did not realize how my judgments probably damaged my girlfriend more.

I partially blamed her for being gangraped. My hurt blinded me, seems a lame excuse for a seasoned meditator looking back, now.

We as males were indoctrinated that our significant others behavior is a reflection on ourselves, something we need to control.

I grew up without a functional attachment to either parent, this void placed enormous weight on my first girlfriends role, unbelievable unfair, I see now.

It is the opposite of everything meditation/mindfulness taught me.

The external can not touch or harm our core. Who am I can not be deminished by anything external. I lost sight of this.

We all have blind spots, this was mine.

Feeling betrayed was my mistake. I teach non judgment, feeling betrayed is a huge, inaccurate judgment.

I paid a heavy price for adopting this victim role.

For me, a students wisdom has shined a light forward.

I have always found, healing happens in a state of humility and vulnerability.

Thank you Marisia.

Please share your insight on the male Ego and women?

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4 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Marisia Ybarra on August 1, 2020 at 5:16 pm

    I’m glad the tough love got you unstuck. Hopefully, you stay moving forward now. It is hard to see past the shock of a past trauma when your mind first brings it back to the fore front. Utimately, being mindful of today will get you through any garbage from yesterday. My ego got the better of me for 30 decades wanting to know the answers to why?!?!?! Then when I got the answers I was very disappointed that it didn’t do a damm thing to help fix my mental health. Learning to cope and live in the unknown and gray is never easy for me, but I’m doing my best to be happy their.

  2. Thank you for your wisdom

  3. Wow thank you for sharing this post, it is helpful to all. And we are only human, we are learning as we go 😊

  4. Thank you

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