It’s not about you..

https://pixabay.com/users/gosiak1980-2374509/

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We abused kids grow up to be abused adults. We assume responsibility for things we are not responsible for.

We lacked healthy attachments growing up, leading to codependent tendencies.

We fear and crave meaningful attachment however have no idea who to choose or why.

Approval is valued above all else.

When we attach, it is an experiment, how deeply and how intense we have no idea.

I felt the more attachments, the better chance of feeling normal.

When my latest trauma surfaced a week ago, I felt connected, responsible for another’s action.

Hearing the phrase, “it’s not about you” fell on deaf ears for a week. I am damn stubborn at times.

I suffered because I somehow took responsibility for an external act by another.

Yesterday I finally was able to detach, extricate Marty from another’s actions.

The intrusive thoughts stopped, my system calmed, immediately.

Our mind is our biggest enemy or our greatest asset.

Like a novice, I dissociated with friends the gory details.

What fires together, wires together. Where we place our attention prospers and grows, where we withhold withers and dies.

Thinking it was about me, brought suffering and increased trauma symptoms.

Detaching and letting it go, changed things immediately.

I have excellent tools, healed from childhood abuse but was blinded for a week with a new trauma exploding.

PTSD is confusing and powerful when it first explodes.

My last experience and confidence of healing again, helped me finally get a handle on it.

I felt that panic and imminent danger surrounding me again.

It feels so strong, so real, for a mirage.

Now, I have learned not to judge how I handled this situation.

Being present, in the moment is where I place my attention, again.

It’s not about you or me!

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4 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Anonymous on July 7, 2020 at 3:18 pm

    yes indeed.

  2. This actually is a reminder for me, how confusing and intense trauma can be.

    I have had calm periods in my life with the occasional eruption.

    This will help me be more compassionate to those I mentor.

  3. ♥♥♥

  4. We are on this journey together

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