Perfectionism: “The Tao of Fully Feeling; Harvesting Forgiveness out of Blame”

Pixabay: geralt

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Perfectionism arises automatically in children subjected to excessive criticism and punishment.

 

Hoping to eliminate their parents’ apparent reasons for being so displeased, they strive to achieve the impossible goal of becoming mistake-free.

 

Out of fear of their parents’ disapproval, they vilify themselves for even the most minor miscues.

 

Many, out of fear of being a nuisance, eventually conclude that many of their normal needs are flaws that must be eliminated.

 

Perfectionism can also manifest spontaneously in a child as a response to neglect.

 

Perfectionism is often the child’s desperate attempt to win parental love.

 

If only he could faultlessly excel and be perfectly self-sufficient, and if only he never needed new clothes and never spilt his milk, and if only he didn’t get sick and could stay out of mom’s way, then maybe his parents would act lovingly to him.

 

And if only her nose were a little smaller, and if only she were more like that perfect little girl on TV, and if only she could remember to keep that smile permanently plastered on her face, then, maybe then, her parents would love her.

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