My journeys (PTSD) current state of mind (Healing)

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Awkward and uncomfortable is how I would describe my PTSD now.

It took all my effort and determination to heal the first time. My childhood trauma resisted many different therapies and holistic cures.

Our path is not very well illuminated, hard to tell the proper avenue to choose or the right direction to proceed. PTSD has a confusing impact, a time distorting component and horrifying panic attacks.

When I finally healed, my life was trigger free, finally flowing with an ease. I thought healing was permanent but a new blood pressure medicine drained my energy and fired my nervous system up.

My PTSD symptoms returned. Things had changed, the intense fear and firing of my flight or fight mechanism did not happen. Meditation had enabled me to become friends with my fight or flight mechanism, I did not fear it going off.

In fact I learned to use the energy that surrounds our defense mechanism firing, while hiking.

Instead of terror and fear, I experienced uncomfortable and awkward.

Now, my symptoms will appear every so often, I am not afraid of them anymore. They do impact my life but I accept this as my cross to bear.

What has changed is my ability to focus and let go, the wisdom to discount traumas erroneous barrage of thoughts and judgments.

I can exist in a defense mode, letting the noise be released, making no decisions, having no opion that is reinforced until things settle down.

I have learned to let go of thought and read my senses, see and hear what is in front of me. It is soothing to step back and realize this PTSD is a mirage.

My triggers are still an issue at times but the issue has a much less intimidating consequence.

Trusting that being empty of thought and aware of this immediate moment, is my default position.

My tools are simple, concrete and immediate.

My tools are not complex or voluminous but gain power through repetition and application.

PTSD is not as scary when the fight or flight mechanism has become your friend.

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