Pivotal moments in the life of a PTSD sufferer!

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PTSD will bring depression into our lives. Hard not to experience depression when ptsd brings daily terror to our doorstep.

PTSD runs by itself without our input, triggers fire on their own without warning at times. Thoughts of being crazy or my mind is out of control visit us.

Avoidance, denial, hypervigilance, intrusive thoughts and dissociation rob life of any vitality and joy.

My life narrowed completely for a while, hardly ever leaving the house for six long months.

Trying to think my way out, trying to cognitively envision what being normal would look like, took my life away. My meditation practice had not strengthened enough to give me any hope.

I had hit bottom, nothing I did lessened my suffering, in fact I was getting progressively worse.

A pivotal moment in my life had arrived. Feeling helpless, my suffering drove me to my suicidal inquisition.

I was physically worn out from 15 fight or flight explosions a day. Filled with cortisol, living with a heightened anxiety filled body, I was lost. Emotionally, I was terrified something worse than death was coming.

I prayed for the sun to go down so I could make it to another day.

It would of been easy to give up, check out of my horrible existence.

I think we all have critical moments, a time when we must decide about life.

Somehow, I found this inner strength, fostered by my stubborn attitude, certainly without wisdom, not to let my father win.

If I committed suicide, my abuser, that violent alcoholic, narcissist would win.

That was all the incentive I needed. No way would I let that happen. No damn way, over my dead body.

I would suffer in my garage if need be for the rest of my life before I would give in.

Looking back on my journey that was my turning point. I had withstood PTSD’s final assault on my life.

As my meditation practice matured, suffering started to subside.

We can heal and live fully.

Do not let your abuser, your trauma define you or rob you of living fully.

Never give up, never give in!!!!!!

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6 responses to this post.

  1. Great post. I also suffer c ptsd and it is a long battle.

  2. Thank you

    We need to accept this challenge life has dealt us

    Everyone has challenges, some seem much more intense

  3. I hear you, brother. Thank you for sharing.

  4. You can heal Marcus

    Sometimes it seems like there is no hope but that is the time we must keep trying

  5. Thank you. Just published my first post. It’s a reprint, and a trial run. More to follow.

  6. We did not choose our parents or our experience but our reaction, our behavior is our choice

    Choose to keep attitude and effort consistent

    Goals are above our pay grade

    We control only effort and attitude

    Accept this fact and stay present

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