Looking at my attachment challenges

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Fabiana  Franco, PhD,  excerpt: “It follows, therefore, that when the relationship between parents, or a replacement primary caregiver, and the child is seriously distorted by abuse or neglect, this has far wider implications than the parent-child relationship alone. Survivors of complex trauma typically emerge with gaps in their ability to form attachment bonds with others. This is not to say their desire for attachment is any less—far from it. The unfulfilled desire for connection and pervasive feeling of loneliness in survivors of complex trauma is a major contributing factor to the symptoms they experience, including depression, inability to regulate emotion, and engagement in risky or self-destructive behaviors.”
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My two cents: Through my healing journey, I missed my attachment issues. Prone to be codependent, always lacking enough approval, life was painful.


Criticism destroyed the value of my attachments. One person could dominate my thoughts for days.


I wanted everyone to like me, approve of me.

 

Now, criticism is disliked, not disabling. Perspective is key.


I never had early attachments, or few, to my caregivers or siblings.


Raised by a violent narcissist, my attachments were cold, isolating, even abusive. Fear of failure, fear of being disowned, raised on conditioned love, made me vulnerable, and formed an unworthy self-image.


I do not think we eliminate these abuses entirely.

 

Through all of this, my life is a happy one, not perfect or smooth sailing.


Triggers, C-PTSD, anxiety and worry still arrive but depart much faster.


I give my thoughts far less energy and attention.

 

I have learned to let go much faster, as my gratitude for my mindfulness practice grows.

 

You can start your own mindfulness practice, free of charge.

 

Emotional regulation is an enormous benefit.
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