The first time I felt worthy and at peace was ?


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The first time I felt worthy, at peace was meditating. Oh it took time to build strong focus, being able to let the noise pass on through.

 


Then one day, thought ceased, my mind cleared while focused intently on my breath. It was spacious, expansive and full of some kind of energy.

 

 

My trauma anxiety had receded. That fear and anxious hypervigilance was gone. I was so excited the first time it happened, it broke my concentration and brought me back to consciousness.

 

 

I had found an oasis of opportunity and calm. It was a brief encounter, the first time I had experience being whole, worthy, complete.

 


It took me two years of practice, trying different approaches to discover my worthiness, just sitting quietly following the breath.

 

 

This practice was an internal exploration, dependent on nothing or no one external.
Desire is lost during practice. If I could not be content, free and calm sitting quietly, alone, how could a mate, a fancy car, a yacht, mansion or power bring me happiness.

 

 

Desire for approval melted away when I meditated. This was huge for me.

 

 

My compassion center opened up, gratitude proliferated, and giving regained importance.

 


Thinking seems to be self-centered for me, while meditating is a selfless activity. I tried to be an observer of life, not a narrator.

 

 


My conclusion: If we can not find peace sitting quietly with our mind, how will we heal?

 


How will we find freedom or peace?
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