The Need to Please”: values and intentions

 

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”Whether or not you’re connected to your values and intentions, you’re always making choices about how to behave in the present moment.

 

 

Unfortunately, the desire to avoid painful experiences such as anxiety or feelings of worthlessness often takes precedence over acting out of your heart’s wisdom and intention (Roemer and Orsillo 2009).

 

 

For example, you may value honesty and authenticity but, in an effort to avoid anxiety, react by running from conflict, saying yes instead of no, or being overly cheerful.

 

 

In that case, the reaction to move away from difficult emotions distances you from your values and inner wisdom.

 


It also perpetuates the chronic people-pleasing cycle.

 


Once again, what started as a way to gain love and acceptance and avoid suffering paradoxically caused a different kind of suffering.

 

 

As you become increasingly distanced from what is meaningful and valuable in your life, you perpetuate the disconnection from yourself and end up feeling resentful, angry, or depressed.

 


In addition, you don’t engage in behaviors that might help you find yourself again, such as self-care, self-compassion, or following what’s true in your heart.

 


All of this heightens the tendency to not act from your values and intentions.
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