PTSD brings danger, feels real to us, the chemicals definitely are real!

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A trigger explodes. Parts of the brain shut down, adrenaline, cortisol, tunnel vision, loss of fine motor skills, along with BP, respiration and heart rate escalate.

 

 

We are ready for a lethal threat, the problem, no lethal threat is present. We know this consciously, have experienced thousands of triggers without permanent damage. Irrational!

 

 

Danger arrives abstractly for me. It feels like something worse than death is out there, waiting.

 

 

Shame, the destruction of our ego, seems to be possible, the ultimate loss. This clarity has surfaced recently for me.

 

 

My childhood was filled with conditioned love, verbal and physical abuse, plus the ultimate fear of abandonment. One of my biggest fears was to be abandoned, I would rather endure the beatings than be an orphan.

 

 

Our true self (spirit, soul) is permanent and thrives without even knowing of the Ego.

 

 

The “Ego” is created and dies without the support of the true self, the power of our being.

 

 

How can a mirage mean so much to us?

 

 

Approval, approval, approval!

 

 

Approval brought security,  being ostracized from the tribe back in our hunter gather stage, meant death.

 

 

The Ego dominates thought, judgment and emotion. He/She never feels equal to another “ego”, so he/she will always jockey for approval, importance, acceptance.

 

 

Approval or disapproval does not contain happiness.

 

 

Approval today could turn to criticism tomorrow, it is external.
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