My C-PTSD has activated because of a med!

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My trauma has come alive after five years of freedom. A blood pressure med drained my energy and ignited some of my old symptoms.

 

 

That invisible prison, the anxiety, the fear, the confusion and especially the thoughts flooded in.

 

 

Absent was the firing of my fight, flight or freeze mechanism, my  adrenal stress response. This felt weird but all my meditating and integrating had healed some parts of my nervous system.

 

 

Without my nervous system exploding, my fear was minimal, but thoughts, intrusive thoughts, consumed me.

 

 

My triggers were not explosions but uncomfortable feelings of unworthiness and shame, invading my security.   My ego wants to avoid these triggers at all cost.

 

 

Thoughts, judgments and emotions overwhelmed me again. The invisible prison had resurfaced.   I knew it was a mirage, not real but it had power.

 

 

Remember our ego gains control using thought as his weapon. When slightly triggered my mind seems to lock up a bit, be confused, want to judge or just be lost. It is a numb, unattached feeling for me.

 

 

Now, I am healing again, meditating more, exercising more, living with much more awareness.

 

 

I go out and observe my mind facing potential triggers.

 

 

This is not done haphazardly or recklessly.

 

 

I have to be focused, calm and resilient to approach my triggers as a healing tool.

 

 

What we fear contains our healing, our improving, our freedom.

 

 

Have  courage, face your triggers and fears.

 

 

 

First, practice in the safest environment, while meditating, then in person.

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2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by jeanetteirene on February 9, 2018 at 4:55 pm

    OMG, Marty, Thank you for this post. I go through the triggered brain …. my non-linear thought process, and it feels like a prison. With your site’s help, and many other healing supports, I don’t get the fight or flight response like I used to, but the thought prison percolates at times, and I can not say it is about medication. It just happens, especially if I am moving through the days of my life at a faster pace than my body can endure. It speaks to me slowing down, meditating, exercising more, and tending to my soul. Thank you for the post as it makes me feel ‘not alone’. It normalizes this craziness that sneaks in!!!

  2. The med brought my symptoms back, which in turn brought all these judgments and unworthy feelings.

    We have maybe stuck parts or residual trauma not yet integrated.

    This is crap I did not get to the first time.

    This time I have experience and I have done this. I was surprised this residual trauma did not budge.

    I had to explore my in return world and work on accepting.

    Think back before ptsd, we could not imagine how scary a nervous system turned upside down could do.

    Triggers look harmless except to the ptsd suffered.

    Something mundane and innocent to tiers is the scariest thing in the world.

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