Stuck Parts: Volume Two!!

Tied Together by Martin Stranka

Parts that Imitate who hurt you:
Usually their are parts of the personality that hold anger and rage that are unacceptable or very frightening to other parts. Some may resemble people from the from the past who were abusing. These parts shame, threaten, or punish other parts inside, or they may direct their anger to other people in the outside world. Although the behavior of these parts can be quite frightening or shameful, as well as unacceptable, it is important for you to understand that these parts have good reason to exist and are representations, and thus not the same as the people who hurt you.They originally developed to protect you by containing many distressful experiences of anger, helplessness, and sometimes guilt. or shame. Furthermore, their function often is to prevent other parts behaving in a way that, in the past, evoked fear or shame. Over time it is important to appreciate why they exist, even though their “methods: that is, their behavior and attitudes, may not be acceptable. Your fear and shame about about me parts must be overcome in order for you to heal. These parts like all parts of yourself, need to become part of an internal “team” that collaborate and represent you as the whole person and your own history. And once they do so, you will be surprised at what tremendous help they will be to you.
Fight Parts
Some angry parts are stuck in a fight defense against threat. They have the explicit function of protecting the individual by means of fight responses, either toward other people or towards parts inside that in some way evoke a sense of threat. Fight parts often believe that they are strong, have not been hurt, and are capable of carrying out strong aggressive reactions to perceived threat or disrespectful behavior. Often they view themselves as a tough child or teenager or a large strong man.
Ashamed Parts
Shame is a major emotion that maintains dissociation. Some parts of the personality are especially avoided and reviled because they hold experiences, feelings,or behaviors that you, or some part of you have labelled as shameful or disgusting. You will need to be especially empathetic and accepting toward these parts of yourself.
A central problem for people who have a dissociative disorder is that parts of the personality avoid each other and their painful memories and experiences, or they tend to have strong conflicts with each other. In the literature this has been described as phobia of dissociative parts. Parts typically feel fearful, ashamed, or repulsed by other parts. In particular dissociative parts that function in daily life want as little as possible to do with dissociative parts that are fixed in traumatic experiences. Parts stuck in trauma-time often feel abandoned and neglected by the parts that try to move on without them in daily life.
These ongoing inner conflicts can be painful.and frightening, and they cost a person with a dissociative disorder a tremendous amount of energy. As we said before, all parts need to learn to accept and cooperate with each other. After all, in order to adapt and be our best, we must learn to accept ourselves and all our aspects. Only in acknowledgment sand accepting are we able to make positive changes in ourselves.
However we are aware that getting to know yourself and working more cooperatively internally can be a long difficult process. you cannot expect yourself to immediately function differently when parts have spent a lifetime avoiding each other or. Wing in conflict. lease remember that you will need much patience and self acceptance in this work and go at your own pace. Remember to be empathic and accepting of yourself as awhile person.

2 responses to this post.

  1. “Shamed parts”: often as we grow older, we learn what we experienced as a child is unacceptable by today’s society and yet it was ‘acceptable’ by us (our inner child) and the abuser at the time. (For ‘me’ it was a case of trading my body – love – for something that felt like love at the time.)

    Then when we grow up we find everything was wrong; further ‘separation’ or distancing occurs between those childhood parts (due to what they experienced and ‘their’ own emotions at the time) and the more adult parts. Fighting “one’s self” then ensues, and the pain/shame is such that some go on to kill themselves rather than . . . well, embrace their inner child(ren) with tolerance, understanding, kindness, and love. It makes it tough to forgive one’s self when one sees (and hears) “how wrong! it was” – hammered over and over again (even as a child). So when you grow up you begin to “take revenge” on yourself, while at the same time possibly resorting to other things to ‘get numb’ (eg. alcohol/drug addiction, malfunctioning relationships, sexual promiscuity – just add on any other list of self-destructive/abusive behaviors you want).

    We found the ‘trick’ was not to get rid of the ‘inner child’ so much as to love him and cherish ‘him’ as our very own – because ‘he’ is. The separation may be permanent or settled in – but with a little work, you can feel as ‘one’ – even if it is a family together, so to speak.

    Just another view on this sort of thing.

  2. I think you are right on Jeff. We accept us as perfect and not judge or criticize any part of. Us. the past is gone and you and me are perfect in this moment if we let that crap alone.

    Does not matter what others say or judgment, criticism or rebuke, we are perfect and have so many breaths left.

    Why waste them on others judgment of us. Lest we judge ourselves first, we lose.

    I refuse to judge me or what has happened to me now. Or what I did with my behavior, it is over. no punishment for our thoughts, just let it be and existing this moment totally.

    Life has so much more to offer when the ego rests and awareness open the door to the other side.

    you have made such sense and use of your life Jeff. OU have never given up never given in and have a relationship which is supposed to be impossible for you.

    Only thing you have control of is the ability to direct attention to now and all that shit is dead and gone.

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