Control Me Syndrone: C-PTSD Characteristics!!!

“Control-Me” Syndrome – “Control-Me” Syndrome describes a tendency that some people have to foster relationships with people who have a controlling narcissistic, antisocial or “acting-out” nature.

Description:

Some people just feel more comfortable when they give the responsibility for making decisions to others.

It’s sometimes tempting to allow others to make decisions for us. We are apt to do this when:

  • Wwe feel less successful than others,
  • We feel less capable than others,
  • Others project an air of confidence or authority,
  • Others appear more successful than us,
  • We are humiliated by past mistakes, or
  • We fear the humiliation of making new mistakes.

Taking a passive “control-me” approach is a dangerous strategy for a number of reasons:

  • Other people make mistakes.
  • Certain people with personality disorders, including narcissists, controllers and other people who “act-out” are often attracted to “Control-Me” personalities.
  • Adopting a passive approach to decision making often leads to a passive-aggressive attitude towards problem solving.

It is also important to realize that when you give control over decision making to another, you have not really given up control so much as you have chosen to delegate control to another. This means that you are somewhat responsible for the outcome.

Examples of “Control Me” Syndrome

  • A woman tends to get into relationships with men who will tell her what to do.
  • A man will not leave an abusive relationship unless someone he regards as an authority figure gives him permission to do it.
  • A young woman is relieved to move out and escape from her abusive home, immediately gets involved with an abusive boyfriend.

People who go through life with a “control me” strategy typically find themselves disappointed with the results as they stagger from one dysfunctional relationship to the next. They may find themselves repeatedly in abusive situations or trapped in relationships that do not serve their best interests. They often hook up with people who have a “Control-You” syndrome.

4 responses to this post.

  1. this rings so many bells with me…i’m terrified of making decisions and so it always feels much easier to let someone else take control and very often it doesn’t turn out well. I hadn’t thought about this in a while so it’s reminded me of another area i need to work on. Good post!!

  2. Posted by Ruth Jacobs on July 15, 2012 at 4:17 am

    That was really interesting for me. Thank you.

  3. Funny when we see what the ego justifies in writing, then we go, oh yes how can that be. We select our bed we lie in, subconsciously at times with C-PTSD.

    I attracted as my first wife a resemblance of my father, cold and a taker. I was a lamb to fulfilling this subconscious desire.

    Now, I know and spot the attraction and see the danger of that personality.

    We can rule and find direction and live fully. I live in southern California and see poor illegal aliens, Mexicans living here and they are happy doing thing we Americans refuse. So desire, satisfaction and happiness lie more inside than externally my experience tells me.

  4. You missed a BIG ONE here, Marty – one I have seen MANY people use when they reliquish control to others. It also allows them to place ALL the blame for whatever goes wrong in their lives on someone else. After all, “he/she” had control, “I” didn’t – so it’s THEIR fault – eg. it is my dad’s fault (according to my mom) for the misery in her life – and yet SHE had the chance and didn’t take it because then it would have meant taking responsibility for her own life – and that would mean admitting she made some mistakes.

    As long as you give CONTROL to someone else, you also remove the need to blame yourself for anything – which is BullSh** in my mind. I’ve seen way too many people do this – and use this – as a reason to lay the blame for the events and screwups in their own lives at someone else’s front door.

    I do not “blame” my parents who were “in control” for the way I am, by the way. I just look at it as something that happened to me. That they contributed – no doubt. But I did enough to myself to make up for them. LOL.

    Remember: People often give control to others so that they can blame them when things go wrong. Very freeing – and very debilitating, and gives them an excuse for why they feel so bad. After all – it was someone else who “did this” to them – and never themselves – since they “weren’t in control”.

    arrgghh . . . this one aggravates me because I’ve seen it too often.

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