Choices: Expectations and happiness or suffering


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After our basic needs are met, happiness is possible without added achievement, possessions, status, or approval.

 

We choose to create external expectations, (cars, careers, titles, approval, etc).
Unfulfilled expectations lead to loss, sadness, jealousy and maybe depression.

 

We need nothing more than the basics if we live in this moment. Nothing wrong with possessions, just realize happiness is not contained in ownership.

 

On the opposite side of opulence, these awakened monks take a vow of poverty and service. They Meditate for hours each day, offering up loving kindness for all sentient beings.

 

They are acknowledged as being the happiest beings on this planet.

 

They lose no sleep with concerns about owning possessions, titles or wielding power.


Humility and giving dominate their thoughts and behavior.

 

Society associates happiness with business success, status, power and possessions.

 

How would you explain lives like Mother Theresa, Mandela, Lincoln?

 

 Lives of service, sacrifice and giving. The opposite of  pleasure-seeking.

 

Many lives that had incredible hardships, huge emotional loss, were extremely satisfying.
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Making new positive experiences

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Recognize that we are perfect at our core, our soul, our true self. The one permanent condition we all share.

 

Accept our physical bodies and the ego we create, are flawed and change as time passes.

 

We all are worthy, deserving of wellbeing and happiness.

 


In this moment, right now, I approve of all of me.

 

Never say a negative thing about yourself, never entertain an unworthy thought.

 

Become your own best friend!

 

Practice, practice, practice!
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Alienation from Self: part two

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The introduction of the Structural Dissociation model in 2000 provided the first neuroscientific understanding of dissociative splitting and compartmentalization (Van der Hart et al., 2000).

 

Unlike earlier models of dissociative fragmentation, this theory does not emphasize the compartmentalization of memory.

 

Instead, its central tenet is that structural dissociation is a survival-oriented adaptive response to the specific demands of traumatic environments, facilitating a left brain-right brain split that supports the disowning of “not me” or trauma-related parts and the ability to function without awareness of having been traumatized.

 

The splitting also supports development of parts driven by animal defenses that serve the cause of survival in the face of danger.
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My two cents:  This is a cutting edge approach in response to the PTSD epidemic.  The VA needs to adopt this approach, now!

 

The behavior of some traumatized parts is about survival to a non-existent lethal threat.

 


If we believe we are in real danger, PTSD will gain enormous power over us.

 

 

We must learn to discount then disown these judgments.
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Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Alienation from Self: part one

Vincent Van Gogh

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How We Survive Overwhelming Experience, sets the stage by describing dissociative splitting and fragmentation as an adaptive response to abnormal experience.

 

 

To create distance from overwhelming events and preserve a sense of “a good me,” individuals must disown the self-states of which they are ashamed, intimidated, or experience as “not-me,” allowing them to also disown the trauma (Bromberg, 2011).

 

 

The ability to encode two parallel sets of experiences in one brain and body is supported by the “split-brain research” in the 1970s and 1980s (Gazzaniga, 1985) and by the neuroscience brain scan research in the late 1990s and 2000s demonstrating how traumatic events come to be encoded as implicit emotional and physical states, rather than being encoded in the form of chronological narrative.
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My Two cents: The new therapies address trauma by looking at the different parts of us and which hemisphere the parts originate from.

 

Some of our behavior are an adaptive response to survive.

 

We need to learn to discount these traumatized parts as a response, not who we are.

 

That confusing fight happening internally can be explained and integrated with daily work.

 

We need not fix our old trauma, but make healthy new experiences to replace the old.

 

It comes down to awareness, then acceptance without judgment to move forward.
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People who enjoy the most wellbeing _______ ?

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People who enjoy the most wellbeing let the constant flow of thoughts pass on through, unattended.


Some have done this with no meditation practice, just an innate knowing life is most vibrant right now, empty of thought.

 

We travel to exotic places at the ends of the earth on vacation to see the sights, not think about them.

 

We could stay at home and think about the places in outer space we can not reach.

 

For the majority of us, a daily meditation practice, is the tool we use to release thought and stay focused on now.

 

Twenty focused minutes a day can bring change.

 

We have to work, take daily action to train our mind.

 

Depends if you desire thought to rule your mind or you would rather captain this ship.
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Evaluate your attachments

 

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Attachment is about feeding the “Ego”.

 

We search for relevancy and importance.

 

We crave value and approval, incessantly.

 

We are always chasing pleasure that we associate with happiness.

 

Frustration sets in when pleasure fades.

 

Fulfilling desires and needs does not quench our souls for long.

 

Looking for happiness in external things ends in suffering and confusion.

 

Try something different, be satisfied with yourself just as you are.

 

Look inside and introduce yourself.

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The Mind Thinks All by Itself

 

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“The Need to Please”:
As you practice mindfulness, you may realize that the mind thinks all by itself.

 

You don’t even have to try to think; thoughts just arise, and they can be quite powerful.

 

For example, let’s say you notice that your friend has a scowl on her face and is speaking in a short, curt tone.


Without you consciously deciding to think about this, the mind says, Geez, I wonder what I did to upset her?


Perhaps this is followed by I must have done something wrong.

 

The next thought may be See? I can’t seem to do anything right. I’m just worthless.
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