Posts Tagged ‘MINDFULNESS’

the futility of following the “Ego”, Trying to satisfy that which does not exist.

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“Shortly after every standing ovation,
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the sense of inadequacy returns
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and follows us as inexorably
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as a shadow.”
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How can we fill, the unfillable, the non existent, an invention, a made up person?
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Phillip Seymour Hoffman had many standing ovations, millions of dollars of reward, iconic worship, fan adulation but his coiffures emptied as fast as they filled.
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Can we visualize the “Ego” as a container, empty continuously, constantly, pulling to get more liquid, to be filled,,, to be full,,to be…

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At times, we chase pleasure, fulfill desires, covet satisfaction above all else.
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In spite of all this effort, energy, emotional upset, the chalice of the “ego” never fills, or is ever full enough because it is a delusion, a shadow, a ghost of thought.
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Next time you leave this moment, to dissociate, to wander aimlessly, visualize this container.
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Be aware of the futility of your quest.
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Wide open part three, Adequacy versus inadequacy,,,,,…..

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.The chalice of the ego looks like this.
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If you feel inadequate, for example, you may seek a sense of adequacy from people or things, from what you’ve done, or from your appearance, your talents, or your performances.
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This never works out.
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A sense of adequacy doesn’t come from any of these things; it comes from who you are.
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This is why so many of us feel deficient and unworthy no matter what we do.
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We perform.
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We get wonderful things.
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We may even succeed in proving our adequacy to others, but we never quite prove it to ourselves.
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Shortly after every standing ovation, the sense of inadequacy returns and follows us as inexorably as a shadow.
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(the ego is never equal to anyone, always superior or inferior, so,applause or momentary success does not fill the sieve container of the “Ego”)
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The sense of inadequacy also follows us into our love relationships, where we tend to play out our role in some of the most dramatic ways.
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Surely the one who loves us will give us what we always longed for.
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Surely this person’s love will be enough, and through it, we will finally be enough.
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This never quite works out either, even when our partners do their best to assure us that we’re okay, or even far more than okay.
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In fact, the distortions of our self-authorship often manifest more dramatically in these relationships than anywhere else, due to the extraordinary perceptual distortion known as projection—attributing your own thoughts and judgments to others.
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Part two: .. Living with the heart Wide open again. “——-Self authorship”—- * * *

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Self-authorship begins very early in life in our responses to our caregivers.
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If we are raised in a safe and secure environment in which we feel accepted and validated, we tend to have more self-compassion and less self-criticism (Neff and McGehee 2008).
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But if our caregivers are more critical or aggressive or we feel unsafe with them for any reason, we tend to become more self-critical and insecure as we grow older (Gilbert and Proctor 2006).
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We see ourselves in the mirrors of others’ eyes and behaviors, and our stories reflect what we see there.
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Who you believe you are began in your early relationships with your caregivers, and it was in these exchanges that you decided if you were worthy or unworthy, adequate or inadequate.
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Your story has developed within this original theme from then on.
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If you feel inadequate, for example, you may seek a sense of adequacy from people or things, from what you’ve done, or from your appearance, your talents, or your performances.
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This never works out.
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Part one:… Living with the heart Wide open,,,,, ,stories,,,arbitrary,,,self criticism….

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“The stories you repeat make up your personal history and identity.
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They include the place and time you were born, the way it was in your family, the things that happened to you, the things you did, the things others did, your first love, and your first betrayal.
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It goes on and on—as long as you repeat it.
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When you really look at your self-stories, you may discover that they’re repetitive and even arbitrary, depending on your mood.
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It’s likely that the details don’t even match up with those in the stories of your parents or closest siblings.
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A good question is “Who would you be without your story?”
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Seeing yourself without your story is an excellent way to let go of taking things personally (which can be very helpful with shame and inadequacy).
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Pragmatic mindfulness: Awareness edition…… Former WWE champ Daniel Bryan catches suspected burglar… … .house selection?

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If our profession is burglary, house selection is key, awareness that is. An attempt at sarcasm, humor.
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PHOENIX – A former WWE champion known as Daniel Bryan chased two burglary suspects he saw exiting his Phoenix home this week and subdued one until officers arrived, investigators said.
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According to police, Bryan Danielson and his wife, Brianna, drove into the carport of their Arcadia home and saw a door to the house start to open.
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That’s when Danielson and his wife, a fellow former WWE star known as Brie Bella, ran inside to check on their dog, Josie.
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“They’re actually lucky that I got them instead of Brie (wife), because she probably would have been a little more violent.”
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Danielson and Cesar Sosa, 22, got into a struggle, but the former champ subdued him until officers arrived, Phoenix police Sgt. Tommy Thompson said. The second suspect got away.
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The former champ said he didn’t have to apply the “Yes! lock” — his signature move– to get Sosa to surrender, but he did put him in a rear naked choke hold.
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“Unfortunately, he wasn’t in very good shape,” Danielson said. “So, it didn’t take much.”
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Living wide open again……self, formed, conditioned, possibilities…

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Therefore we begin this book by exploring how the fiction of self is created and maintained.
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The sense of self is formed in early childhood and gradually hardens into self-concepts and beliefs, creating a personal identity that can define and restrict you for the rest of your life.
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The self is conditioned primarily in early interpersonal relationships, and we then tend to see only those things that confirm who we think we are, and we screen out everything to the contrary.
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This is what it means to self-seal: closing off possibilities for yourself and sealing your identity, and your fate, within whatever self-construct was created when you were quite young.
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This self becomes a prison of beliefs that color and distort your experience of who you are.
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Margaret Wheatley’s quote offers insight into how we can free ourselves from this prison of funhouse mirrors with distorted reflections that we mistake for reality.
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If you can experience yourself from the immediacy of here-and-now awareness rather than through the narrowed perceptions of a self created long before this moment, you can find another way of being in the world.
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How do you develop this here-and-now awareness?
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Mindfulness is the key, and as you work your way through this book, we’ll offer many practices that will help you develop this perspective.
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Unexpected consequences of meditating..

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Yesterday, my compassion center, developed from meditating daily, overwhelmed my being.
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I passed a family with five little kids, homeless, begging on a Eugene corner, I had to turn around.
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My compassion center lit up, bringing instant tears, flowing tears, to a once hardened athlete, competitor, combatant with life, who refused to cry, to shed tears in the past.
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Compassion, giving, has altered my life, changed me, I approached to help, even though it was awkward, it was sad to interact, to look those kids in the eye, to see poverty, suffering, life being unfair.
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After giving what I could, the man asked if he could do anything for me?
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I just cried, had to walk away, I was emotionally, uncontrollably saddened, a homeless father with five kids and his heart is that wide open, wow.
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Now, my possessions seem massive, a twinge of guilt of having so much, grips me.
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This morning, this encounter reinforces my belief that life is about caring, giving to others more than anything else.
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Living with Your Heart Wide Open: ?…self, self sealing…

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Author and organizational consultant Margaret Wheatley describes this dynamic well:
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“We notice what we notice because of who we are.
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We create ourselves by what we choose to notice.
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Once this work of self-authorship has begun, we inhabit the world we have created.
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We self-seal.
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We don’t notice anything except those things that confirm what we already think about who we already are…
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When we succeed in moving outside of our normal processes of self-reference and can look upon ourselves with self-awareness, then we have a chance at changing.
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We break the seal.
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We notice something new”.
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This is a powerful insight into not only how the concept of self is perpetuated by habits of mind and perception, but also how you can free yourself and discover a much larger experience of who you are.
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Perhaps none of us discovers who we really are until we free ourselves from concepts of who we are and are not.
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We do not deal much in facts when we are contemplating ourselves. — * *Mark Twain* *

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“To feel unworthy is to suffer.”
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Living with Your Heart Wide Open: How Mindfulness and Compassion Can Free You from Unworthiness, Inadequacy, and Shame
by Steve Flowers, Bob Stahl
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Notice your cup is already full, brimming,, so let go, be empty, expand, give thanks, smile.
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