By Vita Vilcini
“sounds like we had the same father.
I am 62 suffering from CPTSD my entire life. My father enabled my mother to do horrific things to me. He demanded that I be perfect in all areas of my life, but did not give me any naturing or attention. Both have been dead for 9 years, and I started therapy 21 years ago.”
Perfection leads to unworthiness, resentment, loss and then suffering. Your parents are dead but the trauma still lives inside you.
I lived that life almost 60 years. Suffered, sometimes to my core.
It is not a life sentence though, I must share with you!
If you desire to improve, let perfection and being perfect alone, healing is possible.
You have to believe you can heal first.
Then, you need a plan. Next, you need to take daily action following this plan.
Finally applying focus throughout the day reinforces accepting, letting go, staying present.
You have tremendous skills, that others, who did not endure your childhood, did not have to develop for survival.
You have so much more than, you can see or feel right now.
You survived, found a way to endure and you have not given up.
21 years of therapy with few results demonstrates your incredible willpower and refusal to quit.
These are two of the skills (discipline and willpower) that will help you heal.
Taking action in the face of trauma and danger is rare for humans.
Maybe you just need to adapt, adopt a new plan, then reapply full effort.
I can share a skill that works and point out the landscape ahead.
My father occupies little conscious attention now and my life has been enriched healing from my childhood.
I would not change my childhood trauma!
It made me who I am.
You will find out that is all you need to be happy.
You can say this in due time with daily action and the right plan.