Posts Tagged ‘FEAR’
11
May
Posted by Marty in Assorted. Tagged: ACCEPTANCE, ACTION, ATTITUDE, AWARENESS, C-PTSD, DISASSOCIATION, FEAR, MEDITATION, MINDFULNESS, PTSD. 1 Comment
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As long as anyone believes that his ideal and purpose is outside him, that it is above the clouds, in the past or in the future, he will go outside himself and seek fulfillment where it cannot be found. He will look for solutions and answers at every point except where they can be found – in himself.
Erich Fromm
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Another famous quote extolling the virtues of searching for happiness, our true self everywhere but inside us.
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We choose happiness first, then live it, well PTSDers can and have chosen this path during healing.
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We can bring a smile, our happiness, our centeredness into every room we walk into.
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Happiness is more of a choice from within than any exterior money, possessions or power.
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Fulfillment is found inside us,
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Mindfulness/Meditation accomplishes this task,with daily practice.
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9
May
Posted by Marty in Assorted. Tagged: ACCEPTANCE, ACTION, AWARENESS, C-PTSD, DISASSOCIATION, energy, FEAR, HEALING, JUDGMENT, MINDFULNESS, PTSD. 3 Comments
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Fear, described in neuroscience terms coincides with the dumping of cortisol, that big jolt in the chest. Also, the loss of fine motor skills, blood pumping to our extremities, and cognitive skills blurred along with tunnel vision.
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Life feels small, dangerous, even terror grips us with PTSD, as we look for a way to defend or escape.
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Those who grasp these triggers as real, bring super sized symptoms, hyper vigilance, avoidance, dissociation and paranoia. In this space, life has misery, sorrow and terror.
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Personally, dissociation and avoidance grew into agoraphobia, sentencing me to hide out inside my garage during the day. Leaving home seemed dangerous, filled with catastrophe and urgent reaction to flee.
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I tried to think my way out, discover what healed looked like, how it functioned. It goes back to neuroscience, what fires together wires together, spend time thinking, fearing, fleeing and suffer.
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Fear, was ruling my life, erecting barriers, walls of supposed protection which led to a narrowing of my existence.
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After I hit bottom, one way out was left, mindfulness and acceptance.
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Acceptance, true acceptance took time, penetrated my soul slowly because of the fear.
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Once, I accepted my fear and observed the mechanism, the sensations
in the body, a familiarity and calm entered my body, nervous system.
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I sat with my fear without grasping the story, day in, day out for a month. Fear became a friend, a complex mechanism inside my own body without the attributes of thought, discretion or intent.
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Fear was not scary after a while. My soul, true self or me did not react to triggers anymore. Then triggers lost their power over me.
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I was fine with my adrenal response mechanism firing, safe, calm, not needing to react or respond. C-PTSD had lost power and faded quickly.
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Daily work without goals, except maximum effort and focus.
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8
May
Posted by Marty in Assorted. Tagged: AWARENESS, C-PTSD, EXERCISE, FEAR, HEALING, MEDITATION, MINDFULNESS, PTSD, THOUGHTS, TRAUMA. Leave a Comment
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this is the cortisol, adrenaline dump, plus heart rate, BP and respiration rising, blood is pumped to our extremities. Next, we lose our fine motor skills, some hearing, cognitive skills and maybe even experience panic, a frozen, shocked state.
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naturally, we would look to defend or flee a lethal threat, expediently.
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This disorder, PTSD, is a delusional fear with access to our switch to panic. The drugs released and body reaction is real, the thoughts air at best, worthless without the disorder.
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We attach importance to our judgments, life and death sometimes, like a devotion to emotional desires. We value status, approval, affluence or power above all else.
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While exercising aerobically, push your body to a place where it wants to quit. Then visualize walking in the woods with grandparents and kids, when a huge bear raises up in front of us and lets out a frightening noise.
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It is our plight to step out and defend the helpless we are with.
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Draw from the depths of your soul, summon the amygdala to react, release our fight or flight mechanism.
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It is us and the bear, we have offered ourself, stepped out front to buy time for the rest.
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Turn the music up and push the legs onward as determined as possible.
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Now all have found safety in the group and we turn and propel our legs with life and death consequences.
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our body wants to quit, exactly when we gain power from enduring, continuing to move our legs no matter what is present, fear, terror, anxiety or avoidance.
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Being able to experience the adrenal stress response separate from one of our triggers heals us.
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It informs us that thoughts add nothing to the power of our fight, flight or freeze mechanism.
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Thoughts are air without action, air I say!!!!!
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Play with the body mechanisms, emotions, sensations,,spasms and bliss.
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7
May
Posted by Marty in Assorted. Tagged: ANALOGY, AWARENESS, C-PTSD, COPING, DISASSOCIATION, FEAR, FOCUS, HEALING, MEDITATION, MINDFULNESS, PTSD. 2 Comments
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Numerous ways to say , meditate and observe, listen intently for the sound of our breath.
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Slow the nervous system with focus on the breath, becoming one with the breath movement.
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The rise of the inhale, balanced by the purging exhale, connected by similar pauses.
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Let emotions exist on their own, arriving, staying a while, then fading from consciousness.
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A great practice, enabling us to focus our attention on now.
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The soul and true self may be the same?
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Quiet the mind, practice the breathing track, daily!
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Practice, practice, practice, practice, practice,practice!!!!!!
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30
Apr
Posted by Marty in Assorted. Tagged: ACCEPTANCE, ATTITUDE, AVOIDANCE, AWARENESS, C-PTSD, DISASSOCIATION, EFFORT, FEAR, MINDFULNESS, PTSD, SURRENDER. 4 Comments
Photobotos
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Yes, it is counterintuitive, our strength over PTSD comes with being vulnerable, open to observe our fear.
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Being strong, fighting trauma, trying to figure a way out, trying to manipulate or distract thoughts or even entertaining trauma thoughts empowers the disorder.
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What fires together wires together!!!!
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We heal by not grasping thoughts, not dissociating into the past, or giving any time for these thoughts to stay in our consciousness.
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We starve these wandering thoughts by focusing on the the breath, on now, instead of the gory details of childhood trauma.
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What we ignore, fades from lack of energy, attention, blood, and electricity.
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It is simple then, pull all attention from our trauma thoughts and they will fade, almost disappear in time.
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Try being vulnerable, accept these thoughts, observing from a distance, surrendering without resistance and healing arrives.
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Practice everyday, practice, practice, practice, practice.
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28
Apr
Posted by Marty in Assorted. Tagged: ACCEPTANCE, AWARENESS, C-PTSD, DISASSOCIATION, FEAR, MEDITATION, MINDFULNESS, PTSD, THOUGHTS. 2 Comments
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We are not defined by the little girl being molested at ten or that little boy being physically and emotionally abused, but by how we live our life, our reaction to childhood trauma!
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No one ever told me that I had powerful skills waiting to be uncovered, that would help me be happier, stronger more compassionate.
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Healing was the ultimate goal in therapy, that is very limiting for all the opportunities available to expand life and living.
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When my childhood trauma was integrated, skills such as willpower, discipline and calmness arrived unexpectedly. When I let go of guilt and judging my life opened up with opportunity.
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I would not have found this path of mindfulness/meditation without the adversity C-PTSD brought to my doorstep.
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My PTSD was just a difficult learning experience, a self discovery journey. I know so much more about me, my mechanisms, how fear works as a friend, how emotions are small, tiny and elusive, how the breath calms everything and how I am perfect, right now, right here.
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Our journeys will never end till the day we depart this planet. We never arrive because all that exists opens in each moment, and then on to the next moment.
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Sometimes the moment is mundane, horrific or blissful, the trick is letting it exist on its own without our judgment.
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Limit judging yourself and grow as much as you can with daily effort.
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25
Apr
Posted by Marty in Assorted. Tagged: ACCEPTANCE, ACTION, AVOIDANCE, AWARENESS, C-PTSD, DISASSOCIATION, FEAR, THOUGHTS, TRAUMA. 4 Comments
sea-galilee by Eugène Delacroix
Most of my reactions to trauma had fear as an underlying cause.
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Believing others criticizing me, had the power to damage my spirit or me, sprung from a fear of loss, then!
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Fear hides easily in the corridors of avoidance, dissociation and memories.
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Trauma fear, dies in the brilliance of awareness, of each moment. Pay attention, notice the fear hiding under our worries and doubt.
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22
Apr
Posted by Marty in Assorted. Tagged: ACCEPTANCE, ANALOGY, AWARENESS, C-PTSD, DISASSOCIATION, EFFORT, FEAR, FOCUS, HEALING, JUDGMENT, MEDITATION, MINDFULNESS, PTSD, RECOVERY, THOUGHTS, TRAUMA. 2 Comments
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Desires are not bad, evil or detrimental when we realize their impermanence in this life. Many desires, fulfilled and unfulfilled end up as loss. For instance a marriage, a glorious union with a mate ends in divorce so many times.
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Desires do not define who we are, loss as well, does not describe who we are.
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Desire and loss are impermanent, subject to change or collapse in the future. Therefore, with marriage, circumstances change along with desire, so divorce happens frequently.
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We desire shallow things also, approval, disapproval, status, importance, power, or control. These desires have no reflection on who we are.
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Attaining these desires sometimes depresses us, because happiness is no where to be found in the temporary satisfaction acquired.
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We waste life if our desires become to strong, dominate our consciousness or become habit. My life has changed drastically because my focus on the breath brings awareness to now, desires get pushed to the back burner without effort.
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I still have desires, spend time chasing them, but realize they are not permanent, not of great importance if happiness is my goal.
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Understand desires and the amount of appropriate time and interest involved. This is called balance, mind, body, soul.
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Sit quietly and sort out the permanent in your life. You will understand and experience happiness on this journey.
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Do the work and the rewards follow. Simple, concrete, and aware of only this moment, heals our trauma.
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Practice!!!!!!!!!!
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20
Apr
Posted by Marty in Assorted. Tagged: ACTION, AWARENESS, C-PTSD, FEAR, HEALING, MEDITATION, MINDFULNESS, PTSD. 5 Comments
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The military and police teach a special stance and grip for firing a weapon under intense fear and pressure. This special technique stands up under our adrenal response mechanism, that is adrenaline and cortisol dumping into our system.
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We feel like this barn, under enormous pressure to escape this fate. This visual is the scariest scenario we can imagine, whatever that may be for each individual. Anyone with PTSD knows the pressure this barn is under.
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PTSD brings the same intense, adrenal response as cops or soldiers face. The exact, same mechanism pumps blood to our extremities, increases heart rate, blood pressure and respiration, along with inducing tunnel vision, loss of fine motor skills, release of cortisol and adrenaline and some loss of hearing.
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That is why the breathing track works so well, it is simple, concrete and repeatable under intense pressure.
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The breathing track holds up easily under the adrenal stress response, our intense fear exploding in our chest.
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Explore your fear mechanism, become friends with yourself.
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Could we be safe when our fear is exploding?
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Have others explored and befriended fear?
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19
Apr
Posted by Marty in Assorted. Tagged: ACCEPTANCE, AWARENESS, C-PTSD, DISASSOCIATION, FEAR, HEALING, MEDITATION, MINDFULNESS, PTSD, THOUGHTS, TOOLS, TRAUMA, TRIGGERS. Leave a Comment
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Practice slowing the breath during a panic episode, observing anxiety as a spectator.
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I visualize this scene as thoughts, emotions, fear, etc at the end of my outstretched arms, at a good distance from our true self. This highlights their insignificance and impermanence.
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Emotions or emotional thought do not last, changes sometimes within minutes, and fades from consciousness. Observe an emotion from this distance and notice how small, fleeting they are. Observing thought from this distance allows us to see how powerless and insignificant without action.
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Integration happens quickest when PTSD is triggered and firing. This is the place where trauma is the scariest, strongest, however it is also at its weakest. Observe from a distance and healing is close behind.
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All other symptoms will disappear when we stop dissociating and integrate with our focus. It is simple, not easy.
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Let the fear alone, focus and slow the breath.
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Slow and quiet the breath and nervous system, our entire body as we engage our parasympathetic nervous system. Use neuroscience and meditation as a lethal force to heal and improve.
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