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Fear, described in neuroscience terms coincides with the dumping of cortisol, that big jolt in the chest. Also, the loss of fine motor skills, blood pumping to our extremities, and cognitive skills blurred along with tunnel vision.
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Life feels small, dangerous, even terror grips us with PTSD, as we look for a way to defend or escape.
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Those who grasp these triggers as real, bring super sized symptoms, hyper vigilance, avoidance, dissociation and paranoia. In this space, life has misery, sorrow and terror.
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Personally, dissociation and avoidance grew into agoraphobia, sentencing me to hide out inside my garage during the day. Leaving home seemed dangerous, filled with catastrophe and urgent reaction to flee.
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I tried to think my way out, discover what healed looked like, how it functioned. It goes back to neuroscience, what fires together wires together, spend time thinking, fearing, fleeing and suffer.
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Fear, was ruling my life, erecting barriers, walls of supposed protection which led to a narrowing of my existence.
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After I hit bottom, one way out was left, mindfulness and acceptance.
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Acceptance, true acceptance took time, penetrated my soul slowly because of the fear.
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Once, I accepted my fear and observed the mechanism, the sensations
in the body, a familiarity and calm entered my body, nervous system.
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I sat with my fear without grasping the story, day in, day out for a month. Fear became a friend, a complex mechanism inside my own body without the attributes of thought, discretion or intent.
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Fear was not scary after a while. My soul, true self or me did not react to triggers anymore. Then triggers lost their power over me.
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I was fine with my adrenal response mechanism firing, safe, calm, not needing to react or respond. C-PTSD had lost power and faded quickly.
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Daily work without goals, except maximum effort and focus.
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