My experience with the perfect family illusion came as a shock when it confronted me late in life. PTSD exploded from serious stress and my need to be alone was not respected by family. When I would question the family abuse it was taken as a threat to expose the family secrets, which in turn commenced the circling of the wagons.
Dysfunctional families covet the perfect family scenarios. It may be a coping mechanism for other siblings. It might be too hard for some family members to face reality.
It is okay to have your own life and direct attention to the present and not the past. It is okay for them to be accountable for their behavior and us, ours. Guilt and shame are emotions of past events. Strong ones, even damaging ones when cradled to0 long. Staying present becomes the next step in healing if you’ve gotten away from the perfect family. We need to put the past in perspective. It is not our burden to carry anything. We can just be here without the past hijacking our senses.
All we need is to be here and try as hard as we can. Nothing else.