This video brought up many emotions for me. The lawyer in this video is a hero. You can see it tears his soul apart to be that aware.
I no longer go home and enter that place of unreality. Keeping the perfect family picture is not important to me anymore. It would harm my existence to participate in this play. Having abuse ignored, with the abuser present, would do damage to everything I hold dear now. I would be compromising my values.
How could I enter a place where my reality is denied? And replaced with illusion?
I have forgiven my abuser. I raged and felt tremendous anger for a while. It is a process. Anger is natural. I let the abuser answer for his life and all that he did. I believe that he has influenced enough of my life, so he will not get another minute. I became too busy living my life.
My notion of forgiveness is letting go of hoping the past could be any different. I like my life now.
Posted by Marty on March 6, 2011 at 5:36 pm
My father was a narcissist and not capable of knowing what empathy was. Maybe he did the best he could? A Narcissist like him thought his talents rivaled Vince Lombardi, Bobby Knight, Woody Hayes or some great coach at a professional level. How would you feel if life dealt you a kid when you were a sophomore in high school. Life must of been harsh for that narcissistic personality.
I was the vehicle for him being accomplished, well known and important. This type of personality sees people as pawns for their happiness. When he said I needed you to be twice as good as any other kid so no one would question him, it was about him all the way. For me, just being better and maybe a lot better would be attainable and easier than dealing with him angry. Easy to be better than others when your life depends on it and the other kids are just playing.
Yes, all this may sound harsh however all this is the past. It happened decades ago. I survived then and now I am to busy with me even to care. All this abuse made my willpower develop and my compassion develop a place at the core of my personality.
It is me and I would not change my life or it would rob me of what I am and I am happy and proud to be here this minute.
This disorder enables you to expand your life and discover the real you.
It is a celebration of life when you get to where I am. It is hard but all can try as hard as possible. That is winning.
Posted by Marty on March 6, 2011 at 5:48 pm
First offer forgiveness to yourself Sam. Shame and guilt have been embraced by you long enough. Forgive you and let them answer for them. Let you be free and that will be your forgiveness. Those attachments of all that self critical garbage is just projection of the damaged ego and trauma. It is a delusion and you have strengths just starting to surface as you heal. I see a tremendous person emerging from that cocoon.
I think it is more about forgiving yourself and let them own their own actions. If you can do that you can heal. Things will happen on their own and you can not see how things will work now.
It is so natural that things happen with ease which were thought impossible earlier. It happens inside us. If you just keep moving and working on perfecting your ability to direct attention and strenuous exercise, healing happens.
No goals just perfect you attention of being present. When you sit relax and be present with an easy mood and just slow the breath down.
Posted by Mellissa on February 23, 2013 at 11:08 am
PatrickTo tell you the truth, most people woldnut know the difference in the symptoms. A panic attack can feel just like a heart attack. Even doctors are sometimes unable to tell untill tests are run. Dont get in the habit of researching symptoms online, you will jump to the wrong conclusion and at the same time feed your panic symptoms.If you find you are doing this a lot, researching and getting more anxious, you are probably developing a health anxiety disorder. The best thing to do is to see a doctor, have a few tests and talk to the doctor about your anxiety.